I’m so numb, emotions,
welling up inside of me,
choking me, as I gasp for air,
holding the tears back.
Pain creeps up the back of my throat,
a sob is all that escapes.
Wanting to cry,
craving for the warm tears,
to trickle down my face,
and onto my pillow.
To leave a sign or even a trace,
of my pain.
But all I have is anger,
anger welled up inside of me.
I don’t know how to approach this,
how to fix it,
how to make me feel better.
Only one thing,
ends up working.
I’m so numb!
Takes the pain away,
makes me forget,
for just a few seconds.
And the scars will forever haunt me,
of my pain and anger.
Cutting, carving,
deeper and deeper,
wanting more blood to just trickle down,
down,
down, my arm.
The funny things is,
a laugh escapes.
It doesn’t hurt,
I cant feel the blade,
making me go deeper and deeper.
But when my arms are covered,
and I run out of room,
it all comes back.
The pain, heartache, and misery!
All being thrown at me in an instant.
Long sleeves become my friend,
and my family becomes the enemy.
What if they find out?
What if they see?
What will happen?
When I am cut,
all of those worries go away.
All of the pain,
all of my question,
and all of my anger.
I’m so numb!
Becoming heavy,
my eyes begin to close.
I stare into the black abyss of my heart,
soul, and mind.
Bringing me comfort,
as it all comes back.
Wanting to find more spots,
to make it all go away.
Wanting to cry and wanting to feel.
But…it’s too late.
I’ve held it all in too long.
I’m so numb!