someone once told me
that writing
is an exorcism.

if that is true,
i can conclude one of two things:

i. i have never truly written before.
ii. my demons know their way back home far too well.

and while i am reluctant to choose either of the two,
i know that the more realistic answer is the latter.

i have known, at times,
what it is like to be clean.
to be pure.
to be holy.

i have known, at times,
what it is like to make my body a one-bedroom apartment
with space solely and deliberately for me.

i have known, at times,
what it is like
to fear no evil.

i have known these things, and i have known them well.
at times.

but i know, too, that these times never last.
there is always a second coming i cannot foresee,
a judgment day that gives no warning,
a demon that yields to no cross.

someone once told me
that writing
is an exorcism.

but i am a church of worn walls,
my pen a faulty crucifix.

i need not look down at my hymnal to sing of false purity.
i have read that one far too many times.

(a.m.)