You gave me a jar once. It was painted black and labeled "100 reasons why I love you"
Inside were 100 little green papers with notes and memories each individual piece reminding me that I am not all bad. That not all in the vortex of my mind is twisted each piece gave me hope hope I wasn't just a broken glass useless.
The first time I told you "I don't think you love me" You looked at me with a face that spoke equal parts anger and sadness you told me "Believe me or not, it's the truth" And so I did.
Fast forward 3 years and countless lies later you told me "I never told you to trust me" and you didn't But what am I supposed to think when you tell me "Believe me or not, it's the truth" was that not a challenge? That somehow, you would prove my skepticism wrong that even though you knew, you didn't deserve it you hoped I would give you trust? because I gave it. I gave you a lot of things
A lot of things I can never have back some things I do not want back
You gave me a lot of things too Hope being one of them. You gave me hope that I was more hope that I was enough
You gave me a lot of things. Happiness, anxiety, sadness, security a hole in my chest that hurts more than any piece of steel run across my skin a complex that reminds me that I'll only ever always be 2nd to another and a reminder that I shouldn't trust so much... not even the people I love.
And you also gave me a jar once It was painted black and labeled "100 reasons why I love you" Inside were 100 little green papers with notes and memories but now it seems they were just 100 little lies that got the better of me.