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Apr 2016
You gave me a jar once.
It was painted black and labeled
"100 reasons why I love you"

Inside were 100 little green papers
with notes and memories
each individual piece reminding me
that I am not all bad.
That not all in the vortex of my mind is twisted
each piece gave me hope
hope I wasn't just a broken glass
useless.

The first time I told you
"I don't think you love me"
You looked at me with a face that spoke
equal parts anger and sadness
you told me
"Believe me or not, it's the truth"
And so I did.

Fast forward 3 years and countless lies later
you told me
"I never told you to trust me"
and you didn't
But what am I supposed to think
when you tell me
"Believe me or not, it's the truth"
was that not a challenge?
That somehow, you would prove my skepticism wrong
that even though you knew, you didn't deserve it
you hoped I would give you trust?
because I gave it.
I gave you a lot of things

A lot of things I can never have back
some things I do not want back

You gave me a lot of things too
Hope being one of them.
You gave me hope that I was more
hope that I was enough

You gave me a lot of things.
Happiness, anxiety, sadness, security
a hole in my chest
that hurts more than any piece of steel
run across my skin
a complex that reminds me
that I'll only ever always be 2nd to another
and
a reminder that I shouldn't trust so much...
not even the people I love.

And you also gave me a jar once
It was painted black and labeled
"100 reasons why I love you"
Inside were 100 little green papers
with notes and memories
but now it seems
they were just 100 little lies
that got the better of me.
Finally writing after so long
Sol
Written by
Sol  Earth
(Earth)   
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