I am afraid
I am scared we will become a routine.
I am terrified you will be the one to leave even though I know im not staying.
I am afraid of losing what I never really wanted in the first place.
I am smothered in guilt for not wanting this as much as you do.
I am full of love and affection but I cant seem to find myself around you.
I am yearning for the way I used to be able to love with ease.
I am hurt because I know this will run its course.
I am tortured by my own glass walls.
I am kept alone when you are right there begging to be let in.
I am trying so hard my arms bleed showing the pain you cant see through my walls.
I am trying to keep control as we are thrashed about in this ocean.
I am so sorry I am afraid.