I am afraid I am scared we will become a routine. I am terrified you will be the one to leave even though I know im not staying. I am afraid of losing what I never really wanted in the first place. I am smothered in guilt for not wanting this as much as you do. I am full of love and affection but I cant seem to find myself around you. I am yearning for the way I used to be able to love with ease. I am hurt because I know this will run its course. I am tortured by my own glass walls. I am kept alone when you are right there begging to be let in. I am trying so hard my arms bleed showing the pain you cant see through my walls. I am trying to keep control as we are thrashed about in this ocean. I am so sorry I am afraid.
Being afraid is killing my opportunities at happiness. This isnt the best poem but I needed to write about this because it wont leave my mind.