I dial your number and pause
In the moment before the moment.

Hello?

In an instant, you are not just a memory, a regret, a thousand miles a way
You are with me in the car, parked in a lot.
The spotlight hits me and I turn on.

Hello!
(as if I’m surprised to hear voice)
How are you?
(like I really care)
Guess what!
(as if my brief reappearance in your life is the best news you’ve ever heard)

Rain spits on my windshield as I laugh with you
A suave performance to meant to pass as reality.
I savor the sound of your voice
Caught off guard
And cringe at the pauses
The stiff formalities and cold distance.

I dance in circles on the phone
An artificial, plastic caricature
Synthetic nonchalance tightly orchestrated
Still contorting myself to impress you.