I have finally ended the game. The game I started years ago, only to find myself in the losing end. Always. But after years of countless losses, I have regained my strength.
I've won, several times before. But the victory wasn’t as sweet as I imagined it would be.
It felt worse than losing, the guilt haunted me during my sleep and it was an unhappy feeling.
What I only wanted was to find someone who would challenge me, someone who will try to get into the depth of my existence. But when they almost did, that's when I decide to bail. Called it a night and never showed up for the next round of the game.
I was the worst person. But I never regret anything.
For in all my losses and triumphs, no matter how dirty I played the game, I have learned something.
And that is not to find someone who will challenge me, maybe I should start challenging my own self.
I should dig deep into my soul and find what truly gives me bliss
That winning isn’t everything and that creating an illusion that losing is the answer to finding one’s self worth will not move mountains, neither will create peace on earth.
I have finally ended the game.