(To my future husband)

My hands are cracked
Maybe they will heal before this becomes important, but I just wanted to tell you
My touch will not be soft
It will be timid and hesitant
Maybe too rough
I will fall in love with your ghost,
You need to remind me that you are real and I am whole,
That there is a physical person for me to love
I need you to hold me all the time
It's not enough to tell me you're alive,
I need to hear your heartbeat
I want to memorize the sound of your breathing
I want to memorize you and I will, darling
And if I should ever forget you;
If I should wake up and feel alone;
I want you to understand that it is very lonely inside my head,
And it will be difficult for me to understand what it feels like to be "Not Alone"
I will wake you up at one am
To tell you I love you,
Before it's too late, in case it becomes too late
I will wake you up a two because I miss you,
Even though you're next to me,
Even though you're holding me.
I will never forget your favourite colours,
Or how many sugars you put in your tea
And darling, sweetie, honey, lover,
When I say forever,
I mean until the stars die.
I mean until our planet is scattered rocks and we have returned to stardust
Darling, you will be made of stardust
I don't know who you are but I will love you until I understand what love is