Nothing stays, nothing lasts, not even my moods. Funnily enough because that used to be the only consistent thing.

I want things to stay, I want to stay.

One moment I feel like crying, I feel like screaming, I feel like punching, I feel like dancing I don't even know the words in my head so I have no clue how I'm concocting any words on my fingertips.

I am so obsessed about my fingertips because of how I write. Probably because their motion keeps my heartstrings from breaking.

I want to go home and I want to spend all day with him. I didn't even intend on making this romantic but its all I want. I am so tired. so tired of these tears and pain and whatever the hell is going on with me. My impulses keep pulling me away and apart and left and right, but I know when I sit still for a second all I want is him but my synapses are trying to take that from me and I hate them.

I hate them for always ruining everything. Before I always just let them but I don't want this I want this to stay I want to see him thirty years from now lying next to me.

Its a twisted mediocre life when I want to stab myself, I have to destroy  my thoughts, just to live and that's sick.

I just want to go home. I want to cuddle up in bed and be safe. I need help. I need medicine. But no one will give me any of it and I'm so sick I'm dying. I'm losing me.

I need help.