sitting in the darkness, waiting for some kind of beautiful light from above to come and rescue me.  trying to be protected from despair,. but then it engulfs me.  seeing all of the beauty so clearly.  seeing the potential inside me.  trying not to say, "come save me."  trying to be strong.  trying to hold onto the glimmers of the sun which had shone through that darkened window.  wanting what is love.  wanting to bask in the warmth of its embrace.  wanting all fear to dissipate, only to be replaced by the most radiant passion, wanting to feel it all the way down into the deepest marrow inside my bones.  wanting to apologize to everyone i've ever wronged.  wanting to look them in the eyes and say "i'm sorry," and then enter into their world - understand them deeply and truly, wanting to have all of the past just not matter anymore and transcend this dream/nightmare.  wanting it all, and coming up empty.  "come save me."  you promised you wouldn't say that, you know, you promised but here it comes again, soft and cold like the snow, reminding you of your limitations.  is it you or is it i?  it has to have a name, it doesn't have to be blame, it can just be one.  be patient.  your new life has begun.  be patient, your new love has arrived.  please - just be patient.