if i'm honest, i don't even know if i wanted you there
but as the silence cut through the radio played on
sometimes i'm so sick of the universe and its signs
even when it isn't wrong

if i'm honest, i laughed too hard
and smiled too much
because i wanted you to fall the same way i did
i wanted you to fall in love

if i'm honest, when you asked truth or dare
it scared the life out of me
i could tell by the look in your eyes
that you knew you could end my being

if i'm honest, in the dimly lit room
i wanted to lose myself in you again
i really can make everything out of absolutely nothing
after all, we're just friends

but if i'm honest, after the one o'clock walk
and you went home to sleep
i must have left my being on the other side of the street
because it didn't come back until two or three

if i'm honest, i only told you that i couldn't go
because i couldn't see you with anyone else
i'm not sorry that i didn't go, though
i guess right now i'm just not myself

and if i'm honest, i just laid in bed
all of the very next day
after seeing you, i always fall so low
waiting to hear from the one who went away

maybe i don't want to be this honest
but i need to stop lying to myself
if i'm honest, it's good to get all of this out
even if it means you shutting down

but if i'm honest, i don't know if i want you to read this
i don't know who i want to be
i only know what i always have
that somehow, i just need you to be there with me.