this thing that I do.. or, anyway, try to do,
this continuous babble gabble, with sprinkles on top,
this day-to-day quest,
this poorly timed choreography,
this #bro, #nohomo, #gay thing I do with my brain and heart,
this endless wine powered whining habit of mine,
this desire to know,
this curiosity and unceasing need to find out,
this joy of seeing your face every day in the mirror I use for shaving once in a while,
this midnight torment,
this heat and cold feet feeling,
this skanderbeg with the ****** inside my right arm,
this everlasting need of being pushed to the ground and all of the climbing that comes afterwards,
this fight club that I invented in my own apartment,
this bad scenery where all the bad quirks are lost,
this family reunion around a blue Facebook table,
this Christmas compulsion regularly displayed,
this recital of random thoughts,
this list of contacts,
this Friday evening pathetic chorus,
this fear of rejection and hope for what will come,
this weird structure of one's feelings,
this flat choice of words and bad timing,
this spurious urgency for acknowledgement,
this "me feeling" for me,
this firm handshake with a smile and maybe a hug at the end,
this thing that I do is called, in a strange way, #love.



and I can say that there are only few moments when I have my regrets for trying to show it,
like a little girl does with her skirt, lifted above her head