You'll never say
"I love you"
Just like
I'll never say
"I'm Happy."

Because our words are bullets
And
Neither of us
Can handle
The recoil

What if
Our lives
Aren't
Bulletproof

These thoughts
Will rip through
Their centers

Exploding
Outward
Downward

Shattering our Foundations

Making us fragile

And we will fall.

Our best hope
Being that the wind
Blows us
Into each other

Standing

Ambivalent
From
Death

But the winds
Are breaths
Of
Our demons

And they
Only
Breath for destruction

They are
Dragons of Warfare

So we sit
In our
Ceasefire

Wondering
How long
We can
Hold down
The fort

Treading on
Unmarked territory

We try
To watch
For ***** traps,
But they lay on
Places most beautiful

And I can't help
But aid the
Enemy,

Revealing
The chinks
In my armour
As I attempt
To nuzzle my way
Into yours.

But it is in
The dead of night
That your enemies
Come,

Monsters
Filter your dreams
To darken
Even the
Lightest peace.

Your demons know
How to
Push you
Past
Where you thought
You could go
To a place
That looks
Too much
Like a haven.

They can
Turn your
Own words
On you

And make you
Feel like
you are on
A suicide mission

Their voices
Whisper
So clearly

"What am I even fighting for?"

And suddenly
No cause
Seems worthy enough

And you
Lay down your arms
Because

This is not your first time at war.

You know these trenches.

You feel the shrapnel
Ringing out
Through your bones

And in these
last moments
Of
Utter Defeat

You think
To yourself
How you would
Give
your
life

To go back
And
Release the Trigger

Because
How could
This fight
Be worth
The limbs
And
Hearts
You've broken?

So I stand
Before you

At
full attention
Swallowing
My bullets.

I
Am
Not
Scared
Of
War,

But yours
Is a casualty
I cannot dismiss.

And though
I believe myself
A Revolutionary

I am
Choosing
To
Pick my battles,

Which proves
To be
My civil war

Defying myself
For my
Adopted Cause.

Before,
I could not decide
If I was
A lover
Or
A soldier

And now
I've found
You've
made
me
Both

A paradox
Similar enough
To

I'm not happy
Like
You don't love me