There are rules for you.
You don't make stupid decisions.
You don't take naps.
You don't lie.
Almost is such a ****** word.
I hate it almost as much as I want to hate you,
But we both know that I can't.
You almost made me feel something.
When you held me in your bed,
Arms wrapped tight like you were scared of drowning
And your heart almost beat for mine
The center of my chest was still stone.
And when you held me in that cold disgusting room
Whispering that it was okay for me to be weak
I smiled, a terrible, painful thing to witness
And I almost believed you.
You almost made me trust you.
With your strong, capable hands gripping my jaw
Forcing me to face you, to accept what you were saying
And god **** it, I wanted to!
I wanted to follow for once, I wanted to dance backwards in heels
I wanted it more for myself than for you,
And you ripped it from my hands
And reminded me of who I truly am.
You almost made me love you.
You sat there, in my car
You held my ear to your heart as I stammered and you told me I was yours, and you were mine, you were mine, and you lied! It doesn't matter if it's true, if I'm not allowed to have you, then why give me your heart? I'm so angry and hurt and confused and I'm burning up in a wildfire of rage that the ocean couldn't tame and God **** It! You lied. You broke the rules and we are both suffering the consequences and I'm ******* furious! I was willing to breach the steel caging of my heart for you and I moved too soon and I've ruined everything and you lied.
You don't make stupid decisions.
You don't take naps.
But you do lie.
And so did I.
Beneath my eager smiles and delicate wrists and love bites and every inch of me your favorite color, I am a void, I am cold fire, I am stone.
You almost made me whole.
Almost.