How am I supposed to write right now?
How am I supposed to speak,
when I don’t even know what I feel.

I’m afraid to write.
Because I’m afraid to fail.
But what am I afraid to fail about?
I’m trying to help myself.
I’m trying to write to tell myself what I feel.

I’m afraid to feel.
I’m afraid to be real.
I’m afraid that I will be rejected.

I simply want someone to hold me. help me. save me.

But I’m afraid to reach out.
Because I’m afraid of rejection.
I’m afraid of mockery,
and misunderstanding.

I’m tired of being different.
I’m tired of sticking out.

Can I just drink and **** like everyone else?

I don’t want to be a holy christian,
but I don’t want to be a crazy sinner,
but I don’t feel like I can be anyone in between.

I don’t know who I am.
I don’t how how to think.

**** me. Please, simply numb me.