Have you ever felt sometimes that you were not alive - living a life that has no meaning. A life where the world has come to an end - the kind of ending where colors have disappeared.

Have you ever felt sometimes that you were loved but loneliness has suffocated you so much that you could not even feel the warmth of the loved ones anymore?

I've always felt like I needed to be strong - for the ones I loved but lately I've felt the strength leaving my bones.  I've felt like I could not give up on the people that surrounded me - but why does my life seems to be so empty?

Of all the goals I've achieved the past years - I should be tremendously proud  but the only time I felt really alive was when I took ecstasy.

Feeling the rush through my veins again - feeling the music pumping through my heart and soul - I felt like I could die. I felt like I could die of a delusional happiness.  What is happiness?

I almost forgot what it was when I met my first love - but when I came back to my senses - when I fell out of love I realized that loving was being able to cope with the solitude within myself. It is about loving yourself and being able to bare with the demons inside of you. I felt like I could go crazy - waking up with this unbearable pain inside of me. I do not know why or how I cannot stand the fact of being by myself - always searching for someone to warm the side of my bed and text me in the morning to feel like - I EXIST.  I AM HERE.  I AM SOMEONE.

Deep down I know I don't need someone to tell me who I am - I know I shouldn't find someone to make me feel alive - because it is my responsibility to find my own peace of mind.

It is my responsibility to bring myself happiness and joy - but I wish truly to find the strength to move on because I do not want to feel this way anymore. I do not want to feel this empty anymore. I do not want to feel lonely anymore. So please hurry up darling and love yourself already - life is so beautiful please don't give up now.

I will always be here for you even when you feel like there is no light, when you feel there is no hope - I will hold your hand.
Press it against your heart - feel the heartbeat - feel the life inside your chest.

You are here with me and I love you.

- Myself