it's almost 1am and I'm wide awake
thinking about how i could never get you to stay,
how i could never get you to understand that you're important in every way.
thinking how did things end up this way
knowing there's no "right" thing to say
knowing though i see you everyday
things will never be the same.

and I'll forever remember our last "proper" conversation,
where you cried because of me leaving.

and I'll never know if those tears were genuine,
if you felt something tug at your heart
or you just didn't want to seem bad.
because in that moment,
all i could think about is how much i miss you,
though you were right there

because at that moment,
all i could feel was you slipping away
though you were in my arms

because at that moment
i realised, things will probably never be the same,                                  
because whatever we are, i still remember the way we were.

and I'm sorry for whatever i had done or whatever I had not done

because all i really wanted was to show you that love is actually real

wanted to show you that someone can actually care for you

wanted to make you happy,

wanted you to feel something you had never felt before

and I'm not angry, neither am i upset.
I am just confused, sad and bitter,
wishing you'd come home
wishing you would say why.

just want you to know that i miss you,
and whenever you're ready,
even if it's never
there'll still be room for us.
(h.s)