We are too happy. we were- must have been.
You are not here.You are far away and i lie alone. I wake alone.

Your letters, all i have of you- fill me with love/longing/fear. I worry for you and things you have seen. Places i won't go.

everything you don't/ can't tell me screams wordlessly in my brain. It's too loud for me to sleep. To quiet to stay awake.

i tell you only lies. pretty ones. "I love you (I do), i miss you, you'll be home soon" i want to say-
I am not okay. I miss you so much it is like the knives we got for a wedding gift, the ones you've barely used, are sticking cold and steely in my heart and i am dying,  you won't be home soon you never are. But i wish you were- i love you- i write to you- i'll wait for you.