Ever since you left this world
I've gradually been losing myself.
Ever since you deserted me,
Left me to fend for myself,
A trickle of water has irrigated my mind,
Slowly but surely.
I no longer get joy from silly putty,
Because that was ours,
And isn't meant to be mine alone.
Just like our fingers shaped the putty,
Your absence has shaped my world.
I no longer invent alien drag queens
With a mixture of our names,
Because that was our creation,
And your name is now etched on a gravestone.
I no longer carry around the alarm clock
That we used to pretend was our phone,
Because that was a time when connection mattered,
And now I know when I call it'll reiterate you're gone.
I no longer smile at the idea of my own recovery,
A thing I pushed onto you so strongly,
Because I wasn't there to get you through your own,
And you needed me more than I knew.
So as this trickle of water creates cracks in my mind,
I know that insanity is coming for me,
That I'll break at any moment.
But for now I'll stay in denial,
To the fact that the death of a best friend always comes
Slowly but surely.