the pain
of having to let you
go your way

after such loving days

pulls my face
   into a joyous smile
makes me speak
   words of reassurance
   crack jokes
   ostentatiously enjoy
      a Manhattan at lunch time
   and boisterously hug you
      au revoir

anything
   to overcome
      unshed tears
      the hardening lump in my chest
      the tightening knot in my stomach
      the cold fist that grips my neck
      tightens my throat
      makes my eyes dry
      with the knowledge
         you will not be
         by my side
         for weeks

              * *