i often find myself
wandering in the way you say
"i love you," with
loose cherry lips, and bright caramel eyes.
- finding energy in your caffeine flavored irises,
and getting lost in the syllables of your laughter
because i'm so used
to sleep-deprived voices
talking about how it hasn't rained in days,
asking empty questions
about my future -
having to gaze into my crystal ball,
and responding with
"my future is painted in watercolor"
because i've been combining the pale pigments
with my tears.
my whole existence has been
a mystery -
trying to merge my mother's distaste
for my soul, and my father's footprints
out the front door
so that maybe i could see a clear image
in the mirror.
but every edge has always been a blur -
every glance has always been
an unfocused image trying to
find the focal point in a single
strand of grass -
trying to find purpose in the horizon line.
trying to silence all the noise -
i can still feel the frigid breeze
when he walked away,
i can still hear her hard words
from pursed lips talking about
how she sees him in the way I
move across a room.
i've always been the
answer to every tear she's ever shed.
so i'm sorry,
if i follow you across every sidewalk,
and can't resist your exothermic skin
that amplifies your heart beat
like a song i can't get out of my head.
but in seventeen years,
i have heard my name so many times,
but you were the first person
to make me feel like it
was worth something.
you were the first person i got so high off of,
that i could finally see straight.