I am slowly learning to enjoy every moment; but I am well aware that this today will very quickly become the past joining the club of history full of yesterday's as time flies and I'm not quite sure why I'm still here. Begging the question of If I'm living or easily existing taking in the pressure of a target prepared for aim. And it's a shame that not a day passes where death does not cross my mind like a shooting star it will not go unnoticed but written in the books preserved for the ones keeping an eye on me, not quite close enough. Because the glare of their moon shaped eyes isn't sharp enough to keep up with knives cutting through  my life and I truly want to stop. Stop the scars, disguised as areas for pain to be released. Instead they become homes to open wounds where I am drained of life...

It is now 1:27 in the morning, the time where the tick tock time bomb begins. The time where I know exactly how I feel, but can't seem to show it. Wanting to share my pain, but you don't know it so I stare into the corner of my room where  an inch of moonlight makes his way through the darkness and I stand, looking down into the area of light with the mirror image of my shadow facing in my direction. My reflection, a soul captured silhouette screaming for help but no sound can be heard....

Rewind

Instead they become homes to open wounds where I am drained of life..and although I'd rather die right now, I hope that my cell phone rings and it's you reminding me of the things that I have and the moments that we share. But that never happens, so i sit there playing a game of death or dare where my own life is on the line. And I'm running out of time to decide on what to do. It's now a quarter till two because by then I just close my eyes and go back to sleep usually but right now I feel weak not numb, but useless. Just destructive, and abusive. Truly wanting to know what the strength of a noose is.