I am smashed down By the worlds standards With such physical expectations My hopeless heart sinks So small, so small so small, I am As I am haunted by the images of tender Beauty Powerless and worthless, I feel As I walk daily, shrinking inside I hold my dignity tight As this shrinking violet Hides in her great forest Cheeks all flushed and red I scurry behind some foliage Surrounded by my own dead wood
The lashing striking pain The whips of many masters Draw blood from my many old wounds As I become aware of my infected self Far to much it is for me As I play pass the parcel With all my friends As youth shines its splendor, its brightness, claiming all the sky's I am burned by its great heat My skin scorched For such beauty can feel like the furnaces of hell
For what God would curse us With such inadequacy and shame In this half life For I live in a darkened room Of many locked doors Where I have cut my own Arms and legs off so That I may live in this world As I live on silent scraps While the world enjoys its harvest and feasts on Gods bounty
But better it is to be the limp inadequate That can only fail to catch Helplessly left only to observe As a great physical Prowess Can be a great curse For much seeing is lost In the unquenchable appetite of hungry feasting Lion's As there is in the glory of conquest The soul can be long forgotten
The seeds of my shame And inflections of inadequacy Where burdens, never of God's will But sewn by the devil himself To hide the majesty of God's creation So I relax to observe The weeding of my gracious God As I am relieved of each passing pain I fall into blissful acceptance
I am really sorry about the anguish I wrote this while exploring some very deep wounds