One night as I crept into bed
And said a deafening prayer
With a heavy head
And mightless weight
I thought about how I'd aged

Flashbacks of childhood days
Began to take small shape
Things I thought I'd long forgotten
Began to return in little ways

With the company of the lightning
Oh what a calamity it was
So calming yet damning
For I knew it was for me
Some transgressions need to be tranquilised

At once I became a tinker in a forest
Lost beyond comprehension
Like the child that I never was
With the happiness I never lived

Delirium slowly takes over as
The pills begin to take effect
I have always wondered
How such little contraptions
Could do so much damage to our bodies
Wreck it entirely
And leave us frothing for a second chance

And as I ruminated at length
As my mind darted from tree to tree
I began to wonder
How I came into existence
And a little satisfaction as I thought
'Why me?'
Oh nights like these
Can leave you hanging
When questions have no answers
To be seen

As the flashbacks ended so too did the lightning
Though thunder stayed to remind me
That wrath and wreckage will deliver
What courage cannot make quit

For years on end I
Traipsing on ropes as thin as these
Living on a trampoline
But what if delusion blinds
And there is no one at the end of the string
And as I hit the ground
Blood smashes me piece by piece
And loudly I chide myself
For my lack of belief
Where is all the hope I used to have?
Though I never was doe-eyed
Nor ever claimed to be
But innocence lost is tantamount
To the human spirit's defeat

And here I lay
Hands clasped
On my chest
How I remember the last time I ever wished so badly
For recovery
How I threw caution to the wind
And expected to be protected
So recklessly
The last time I envisioned
How my funeral might be
Will I be clutching roses?
Will I die without anyone knowing?
Will the silent screams of the sea
Overshadow all my grief?
Or will there be none
As I leave smiling
Happier than I have ever been
And to these thoughts there are no answers
To such wild dreams no reality
My heavy head was not wired
To ever ruminate so deeply

In the span of 20 minutes
I saw my life flash past me
Perhaps not because I was about to lose it
But for the sake of reminding me
That of all the things that can be lost easily
Life
Has most melee
And we are taking so many things for granted
As if they're guaranteed
As if our heart is build to last
In our ribs of helix steel

And this night most of all
I decided I was going to live freely
In the new life that soon awaits me
To be who I need to be

And these pills that foremost mean to heal will guide me into sleep