I miss you so badly that when I take a breath all I can breathe in is your last goodbye and the way you kissed me once upon a time and your favorite e-cigarette flavor ("because I don't want to be blowing smoke in your face all the time" you said when you bought them and the lady behind the counter laughed and tapped into the register with too-long nails and asked you to tell her if they worked well and you rubbed your thumb in tiny circles as you gripped my hand as though you would never hold it again.) When I blink all I see is your favorite color and when I lay awake at night haunted by the promises you made and the ones you never made, I hear that one song by The Black Keys playing again and again. I know that wherever you are, you're doing better things and thinking better thoughts than I am, but I can't help but grip to the idea that maybe when you lay in bed at night you remember my heavy breathing on the couch where we made love and the music that made me cry and how cold I was the night you left.