What sort of atonement can you provide to me?
For you have not yet come to terms with
the monster you have become.
Please don't offer any form of hope or retribution when you don't mean it,
For when I fell in love I overlooked the grey in your eyes;
neglected to search past shallow compliments and hazy sweet scented nothings that you whispered in my ear.
I forgot to ask detailed questions with much depth to provide a relevant background check because ultimately, the facade you projected– the mask that you wore– was glamorous enough for me to just not care.
And I regret ever letting you into my heart and into my body. I regret how willingly I succumbed to your brainwashing, breathing every ounce of your harmful, toxic rhetoric into my healthy lungs until they resembled black tar ******. I will never forgive myself for standing by you until you had destroyed the very foundation I stood upon. I defended you by allowing myself to be your shield.
It took a long time for me to say no.
You had removed that word from my vocabulary.
So when I see you next, I hope to not hate you anymore.
I hope, for your sake at least, that you are a better person because I pity the fool you are to believe that everyone is as stupid as I.

i still remember the night you disappeared.
the smell of wet pavement.
the sounds of the city
looming in the background.
i still remember how your eyes
burned with life-
excitement
hope
the fear of the unknown-
it seared through your retinas
asking me the question:
do you love me enough to come with?
in that moment, i hated you
because it was a question
i could not answer.
oh how i wish i could've said yes
and vanished with you
without a trace
but i couldn't.
i watched you leave.
without me.
no hug. no kiss. no goodbye.
maybe it was supposed to be
a metaphor.
a promise that you would
one day come back for me.
a promise to see me again.
i don't know. i still don't know much
but now i know for certain
that i wish you all the best.

there is no way to describe it.
i am flying, high above my problems
but also drowning helplessly in them.
my nerve endings are alight,
tingling with electricity
like a live wire right before it shocks.
i am engulfed by flames of a fire i lit,
red, hot, uncomfortable
yet everything is a hazy, euphoric lilac.
i can't breathe. but i don't need to.
my chest feels like it carries ten kilos,
but i am weightless
light-footed,
as though you need to hold onto me
or else i will float off.
i can't focus. not on me. not on you.
the world is spinning out of control
so hold me.
hold me until i come down,
slowly,
but please,
don't let me fall.

burn me with your abuse. i dare you.
burn me until my skin turns to plastic.
plastic skin to match a plastic heart.
singe my hair off,
like how you
singed off my protective layer.
break me down until i am on the floor
begging you to stay. i dare you.
i dare you to scream at me
until your lungs collapse,
filled with smoke, while i clutch
the blitz that i used to
set myself on fire to keep you warm.
and finally
walk away when you see
the warrior that you helped forge.

Red is bold, red is strong
Red is power, it can’t do no wrong
But red is just a colour
No different from the other

Green is wealthy, green is kind
Green brings calm to a cluttered mind
But green is just a colour
No different from the other

Blue is soothing, blue is light
Blue is mysterious as the night
But blue is just a colour
No different from the other

So how come if red is just red, green is just green and blue is just blue is there a sense of division amongst them?
For colours are just colours, not divided boxes of purity.  
Just pretty pigments, nothing much else.