The man who loves me dries my tears for another man without knowing the true reasons for my tears
and that other man is you.
Its amazing how the years went by so fast
I found my new love
I found myself but in the back of my head my heart will always belong to you
Its been a good 10 years now. But I miss you so much
But am I the one to blame for holding on for so long if you always gave me reasons to hold on.

Since the last time of "us" you got married to an incredible woman
Shes beautiful. I envy this woman yet know she is the luckiest woman in the world
You have a beautiful son and I wish more than anything that you and I would've worked it out
But I ask you again, How can i possibly move on when you gave and still give me reasons to hold on
Everything you have said to me about our so called future and how there's still possibility for a true "us"
My weeping is silent
My tears are all these unspoken words
My feelings are my unsent letters

A few months ago I had the opportunity I had been waiting for
you wanted to be with me
you wanted to show me you still loved me
yet you wanted to show me behind your wife's back
then i thought if you would do it to her
then what makes me think you wont do it to me?
You know I love you .
You know I always will
I know you love me but in a completely different way
In no possible way do I regret my life though
My husband is amazing , he loves me and I have an amazing son.
A son I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

You shattered my glass heart and Im still holding the pieces although my hands are bleeding.
hoping that one day, ANY DAY you will come and just glue them together.
Maybe in reality I dont want you to come and glue these pieces together.
The man who loves me is doing that without even knowing what hes doing.
The last thing I want is for him to feel for me what I feel for you.

You are the man I loved with all my heart
But i am the woman who grew up 10 years later and finally realized that what I have
in my possession right now is way much better than anything I could possibly ever have with you.
No matter the pain I feel when I see you with her
My pain goes away with this unsent letter.
Come to think about it.. Maybe I will send it..

What wholesome fragrance
What beauty before my eyes
Amazing; at first just a seed
Then an entire new meaning
Such a lively bouquet
From a deep red to a soft lavender
Or... I can be wrong
Instead, a demon seed
A flower of fire and vain
A simple ***** and the beauty just dies
The ugliness reveals itself when it wilts
And it becomes the personal flower of expression in the garden of words
The flamboyant arrangement
How bright the beauty of orange
Shows us the passion for life
The innocence of the white flower is just known as simple beauty
This innocence is shared by the pink flower to also express happiness
Although the friendship flower its the one that ****** me
Its sunny yellow
The color that brightens every room
To know that the green flower is the one that everyone wants
It's wealth and good fortune
Yet it's the hardest to find
Another rare one is the serenity
The peace this world needs
Such beauty and significance of the blue flower
The lavender that I hold is for elegance
It's the most precious and delicate
The second to last flower I hold is red
She looks so evil yet so warm with love, strength, passion and heat
It's the most common, and just thrown around as if it meant absolutely nothing
Finally one of the most beautiful and rare
So vain and deep in color
So vain in significance
It's the one I choose to keep
It's my favorite
The purple flower so royal and with such pride
Not one *****
It's my favorite sin
So lonely
Yet the surest cure for vanity is loneliness
So ill wilt away with the beauty of vanity in my hands symbolized by this purple flower

"Wow, you are getting to be such a beautiful girl"

"Thanks Daddy"

All I could think about is his ***** working hands tucking me in
His snickering and preposterous grin
The scent that he had
and all that escaped my lips was "Why dad?"
5 YEARS LATER.

"WOW YOU ARE HOT, WE SHOULD GO TO MY CRIB LATER"

"uGH GET AWAY ******* IM LATE FOR CLASS"
I'm 15 and got the attention of at least 100 guys
i mean, its not my fault i believe all their lies
they want me for ME right...?
I guess i am going to his crib tonight
1 YEAR LATER

"BABY IM SCARED TO DO THIS"

"Babe we dont have to do this is you dont want"

"I DO, BUT IM JUST SCARED, I NEED TO BE ALONE RIGHT NOW, JUST GIVE ME 5 MINUTES, MY MIND IS JUST WANDERING "

"Take your time babe i got nothing but all the time in the world to love you "

Being in love has made this a hard process
Why was I forced to suppress
Would he have really killed me if I told someone?
What would they have done?
I ran too late
Oh my god who took my place when i left the house?
Oh my what have i done
Is she ok
20 MINUTES LATER

****** hands
Noone will EVER understand
I couldn't handle seeing him do to her what he did to me
I swear, I SWEAR TO GOD everything just went blurry
I feel good though
I had no self control
I liked hearing him plead for his life
I finally feel free thanks to this knife
but I should've stopped him years ago
I shouldve told on him back when I was only 5 years old
This wouldn't have happened
I'm sorry honey
I have to leave though
and not behind bars , no
It's REALLY THAT time for me to go..
I hope you can forgive me someday
when you need me just talk to me, i wont be too far away

i love you.

i used to be the tough girl
i used to be the girl who didnt care what anyone thought
i must say i grew .
i grew into a woman that i never knew existed while in high school
im not that girl who you used to know
im not that girl anymore.
im a woman who has everything to live for.
everything to strive for.
im a woman who has nothing to love even for strangers.
a woman who would easily defend a stranger in the street even if the gun is pointed to my head.
im the woman anyone can count on.
having two kids has changed my life drastically.
its made me realize that life is more than just about money, love, friendship, family etc.
theres more to whats visible to the eye.
there is so much more
however its hard to just simply tell someone whats more to life that just the above
its indescribable. it cant be explained
it simply as difficult as it sounds.
after experiencing what life is all about .
i can sincerely say
i am not the girl i used to be .
i am my own woman .

My other state of mind wants to cause physical and psychological harm
but the person i am today says walk away
sometimes it feels as if my other state of mind is taking over me or just need that one day to rule what i do in those 24 hours.
but the person writing this doesnt have the heart to cause this physical pain.
although i felt the physical pain
although i feel the pain in my body
in my bones. in my heart
i can not do unto other what has been done unto me.
turning the tables around isnt as easy as it sounds.
aggression only creates more aggression
kindness ... reciprocates in a good way ..
and it only takes a single act of aggression to permanently wound someone.
Why do i want the power to wound
why would anyone want to have a power to make someone else feel so powerless..
i know i dont.
but my other state of mind..
does..

Wealth
Sumptuous living
Luxury
Opulence
Simple summary
My life behind closed doors
My life when i get out the bronx
I am humble but i love the finer things
I cant help but want the nicer things
I struggled to get where  i am at
N im struggling so my kids can have a lifestyle i dreamed of
Looking around now, ive never been seen such opulence
Until this very moment
However its not just the riches
Its the love
It the happiness
Its the peace
Its the mental law
Mentally successful
Mentally happy
Maybe im crazy
But everything is so beautiful
Everything seems magnificent
Everybody wants it
Everything i want exist in my mind
From the outside looking in,
Its a dream come true
From the inside looking out,
Its a nightmare i cant escape

She wondered what it would feel like
To escape the rigid boundaries of words
And speak in the fluid language of art

The chemical pull of the pen was exciting
But the blissful sensation of the brush
May give way to time losing its meaning

Her love of art came from her childhood
Story books when opened meant she
Could fall inside the wonderful illustrations

Years of life and years of passion spent inside
Black and white sketches and drawings
Magical incredible frightening and amazing

She feels the silence between poetry and art
She feels them expand and soften until it seems
Like a giant bubble that holds them both

With her heart on her sleeve
She tells him who deceives
She'll love him till her dying day

With a sneer in his eyes
Very coldly he replies
He's waiting for that day

With truth on her lips
The poison she sips
Silently ends the day

There is something you will come to realise.
Somewhere between regularly scheduled doctor checkups.
Between first credit cards and first credit card debt.
Somewhere around the second or maybe third serious ex.
Some time after the pipe and several dreams.
Long after all those half-cocked convictions
Declaring who and what and how exactly you will be.
A tad older and only slightly wiser.
Always late to funerals and early at parties.
You are a recovering introvert and you'll relapse, often.
You will always try to be ten degrees from the center of attention.
In fact, your want to be needed often supersedes your senses.
You love often, recklessly, but also selflessly.
Do nearly anything for a smile.
You will sometimes be too quick to anger.
Yet someone's tears will always make you soften.
At times, hurt others with a carelessly uttered half thought.
Balanced well by your excessive apologetic nature
and your undying compulsion to be liked.
You will learn the weight of giving your word
and the cost of failing to keep it too.
You will meet friends that feel like family.
And have times when family feels foreign.
But soon understand either is exactly worth
However much you are willing to invest.
Know that you will still have demons hiding around town.
In the end, we must slay our own monsters.
Be our own heroes.
Because ourselves are the only true thing.
We might be this for eternity
or maybe just this sliver.
All the more reason to try.
People improve in shades and moments.
It's a world of entropy and decay.
It's also a world of birth and hope.
A struggle sure, but one towards improvement.
Always try to be a better self than you are.
Because you are all you have.
Take care. It will be ok.