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Patricia Tsouros Dec 2012
I struggle each day just to feel alright
Remembering how to put back the light in my eyes
I Wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
With that kiss you stole my soul
A lamb to slaughter
I can't ever take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
You lost the love you had the most
Tearing love apart
Leaving scars

My heart pounding as I hear your hunters call
I follow the trail of crumbs
Full of
Lies and pain
Knowing, you have the power to hurt me
Over and over again
I am crying
I am screaming

I want to tell you mostly
Devastated that I'm so afraid of everything
Devastated by the chaos
The violation
Drunk in my devastation
I walk a lonely road
All knowing
But alone

My mind attempts to heal
The scars push me down
I try to loosen the knot
It's to tight
In my lonely place
In my head
I build a haven, a place to live
A respite
From the ghost of deviance
From the hurt
From the fall so deep
From the pain so Raw
My life so lost
No matter how the day ends
I don't feel safe anymore
Patricia Tsouros Dec 2012
Oh - my pinstriped suit of elegance
I struggle each day just to feel alright
Remembering how to put back the light in my eyes
Oh - the kiss
You stole my soul
A lamb to slaughter
I can't ever take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting are more regrets
You lost the love you had the most
Tearing love apart
Leaving scars

My heart pounding as I hear your hunters call
I follow the trail of crumbs
Full of
Lies and pain
Knowing, you have the power to hurt me
Over and over again
I am crying
I am screaming

I want to tell you mostly
Devastated that I'm so afraid of everything
Devastated by the chaos
The violation
Drunk in my devastation
I walk a lonely road
All knowing
But not really knowing

My mind attempts to heal
The scars push me down
I try to loosen the knot
It's to tight
In my lonely place
In my head
I build a haven, a place to live
A respite
From the ghost of deviance
From the hurt
From the fall so deep
From the pain so Raw
My life so lost
No matter how the day ends
I don't feel safe anymore
Patricia Tsouros Feb 2014
I handed you my soul
My heart and sanity
My dreams and demons
The scar runs so deep
The slightest scratch brings
Blood to the surface
The blood runs from the veins
To the ground
My footsteps imprinted in the blood
As I try to move away
I wake thinking it’s just a bad dream
But my vivid memory of the pain
The lies
Brings me face to face with reality
I did a dangerous thing
I let you see my vulnerability
And you devoured me
In just seconds you broke me down
The blood stain hard to wash away
You watched me lose sense
Lose control Lose my mind
All in the fantasy of your life
It was never going to end with
Love
It could only end the way it was in
Lies and pain
The blood stain hard to wash away
You can follow me on https://twitter.com/PTsouros
Patricia Tsouros Apr 2014
Only Love

It began as a love story
Crazy days with you
Crazy days of faith, love, passion

We grew so close so fast
You said we were soul mates for life
I lost my world to you
I trusted you with my deepest thoughts
Most intimate moments
My future
Our future
Bonded with Artfetch
The future of art
We would make it together
A global player
Unwavering faith
In the chorus of warnings
I battled your place with me
Bold and revolutionary
No one would take this away from us

But then you did
You took it away
Without a word
You left me in a haze
Took my breath away
Your force so strong
Chaos controlled my mind
The lie so real
My passion abused
Reckless abandonment
My faith, my love, my passion
You did not face me
You left me with nothing
My life shattered

I wonder through my Art
Profoundly
A part of my life
For the delights and hopes of life
Seeing in them memories of intimate times
Calming my fears
My sadness
Evoking as only art can do
The spirit in me to live again
I no longer care
Why
I got lost in your deceit
In your ****** up mind
Why
You hunted me down
And played me as a game
Why
You abused my passion
My life
You crushed my soul,
I sit at my desk and find my dignity
My strength
I look around and see what I nearly lost
Artfetch the mystery of my life without which
I could not carry on

No more Crazy Days living your lie
A resounding realisation
No soul in you
I continue
To live my dream
So as I sum this up
Go listen to our song
Remember in your heart
I gave you my heart and soul, my mind and body
My life
I believed in you
I am wishing for you to stay strong
Wish upon every star you see
And if its meant to be it will come true…
No more Crazy Days with You
Patricia Tsouros Oct 2013
FANCY AS ****


I knew something was not right. I went in with a sledge hammer challenged the truth and you put the phone down. Me in London, You in Dublin. One day to our planned London Weekend.

I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wrecked me

I never meant to start a war
I just wanted to know the truth
I wanted you to tell the truth
I couldn’t live a lie; I was running for my life



When you put the phone down on me on Wednesday night Oct 10th followed by a solicitor’s letter the following day, that was abuse. That letter was profoundly nasty. It was all a lie, just like as I now know, the rest of our relationship was. You went to the Garda, anything just so I would not discover the truth.

Your abuse is not without it's consequences. I needed you to tell me to talk to me. I don't feel revenge, anger, hate; I just feel utter shock, used, physically abused and mostly devastation.

But you know what, it hurts like hell, but I will fight back and I will find my way out of this abuse. I find it hard to believe you want me to suffer like this. Now I know you ‘Fancied Me As ****’. Why not just be straight up?  Why all the lies? Why not give me the chance to walk away when I wanted to?
This is more of a story than a poem.
Patricia Tsouros Nov 2013
Silver winged of steel
Buckled up
Cocooned in a cabin
No phones, no emails, no Internet
Racing down the runway
Soaring high above the ground
Distant specks of life
Winged of steel climbs though the skies
Clouds below, clouds above
Seat reclines, put in my earphones, close my eyes
I lose myself, soothed by the motion of the flight
Just a seat, a window, sky, music
Suspended, moving above the earth
Windswept heights
Countries, oceans, mountains, forests
Dawn to dusk
Smooth and turbulent
Dancing through life’s path in the skies
My breath of Serenity
Patricia Tsouros Oct 2013
Dream Love when I lay down to sleep, will you lay with me in your dreams?
I ran from the comfort of shadows, into the fear of darkness, turned back again, and saw you.
Saw only the eyes of you, I begged, take my spirit and soul, so I may become a part of you and
you begged give me your spirit and soul so you may become a part of me,
so we may be home alone together, never  apart in spirit and soul.
Patricia Tsouros May 2013
In the heat of the day
Sitting out
Under the sun
Shoulders burning up
Chatting laughing
With my friends
Wondering how
I lost them
Left them all behind
Now realizing how much
I missed being here
Realizing so much
The agonizing truth
I gave it all up
For nothing
The agonizing truth
That I abandoned my life  
Yet
In that abandonment
My friends quietly journeyed with me
Came back to me
Now the time is right
Without judgment
With friendship and care
At the end of this time
I am stronger
My life resumed
Walks in Herbert Park
Shop for food in my local deli
Watch television
Enjoy dinners
Talk to my friends
Travel with excitement
Work with energy
Care for my loved ones
Live peacefully

Finally
I can breathe again
Patricia Tsouros Oct 2013
It was a cold dark night
Sailing for Hopes for Dreams
An Island beyond the sea
A home of victory
A home that will
Now never be yours 

Flashes of light
In the torrent of the sea
Father and child
Held on tight
Struggled for their dream
Before my eyes
I saw their dream die
In the cold black pit of the sea
I want to say
I am Sorry

I am Sorry
To all voyagers
Of despair and courage
Their lost Hopes and Dreams
Crossing to
An Island beyond the sea

*To the Hundreds of Souls lost on the journey to Lampedusa
Patricia Tsouros Feb 2013
If Only
Your  self-preservation was not your Achilles heel.
Your silence the affirmation of the abuse.
If only you spoke to me
apologised and ended with the respect
that our relationship deserved.
If Only  
We might not be suffering in the
way we are.
Patricia Tsouros Apr 2013
You talk and you talk
so many lies
It cut so deep
I guess you felt it to
I saw inside Pandora's box
then you did it
you walked away

Left without a thought
for my life
a memory I can’t hold onto
It cut so deep

And now I’m moving on
from the pain that pounded my soul
I’m starting to recover
from what you did to me
By facing the deceit
where the truth lies beneath
With extraordinary support
and understanding
The cut not so deep anymore

Knowing I have legal recourse
I can fight back
I am fighting back
Knowing I have protection
from the lies
that the truth will be told
I am regaining my life
The cut not so deep anymore
Patricia Tsouros Sep 2013
Crazy passion fast deep soul kiss warnings word breathe reckless love devastated desk art struggle pinstripe attempts drunk ghost lost wind beauty hunger soul smile elegance latte knowing containment bond ink shallow identity measure chaos stumbling darling life dance frenzy sweat hole paper haunted only dreams ****** vandalized scars Achilles proceedings bare deep still pain inside lied courts darkness wind step empty rocky soul whisper eyes alone wrapped inside Athens love smile abuse truth lies time mind  bungalow knowing liar violated Pandora’s entanglement flashbacks ****** self-preservation private suit weakness baklava hide lips ******* played deserve hold earth destruction haunted coffin judgment dreams hands eternity sleep  sunset lips hidden kissed desire champagne stars taint lovers fallen what **** PR glistening intense echoes seeing taste depth care finally beach rolling salt binding heat lost quietly resumed park come believe myself arms world you skin love stranger now
Thanks to  Eliot York for his inspiration to tell my story in words from my Poems Love & Deception.
Patricia Tsouros Dec 2013
I felt my world unfolding
So confused
What was true?
What was right?
It was like a tsunami
Ripped through my life
I was drowning from the destruction
I found the way to save myself
I found the rock, the branch, to cling onto
To pull myself away
From the Ghost of the relationship
From the debris of
Pain
Poetry – I will not let go
My freedom to write about
The life that nearly ended mine
Beyond Sunset and Sunrise this
Is a fight I will never give up?
Patricia Tsouros May 2014
I lived in the rush to brush the dangerous, I ran right to the edge of love, hanging onto the illusion of you, the allure of a mirage in the expanding desert of prevarication.
Patricia Tsouros May 2013
Now you realize what you did, 

you took it too far, 
this time it was to deep, 
to raw,
now its going to be hard for us both.  
I asked for your help
' Its never ending, I again want to die.
Please tell me why?
Be my Soul Mate now just talk to me
help me find my life again.
Not with you, just my life. '

I couldn't get your abuse out of my system
you repeated
"You need to do the leaving"
"Let's die rather then not be together"
I said
"Only with You".
The ongoing flashbacks
of pressurizing
demanding
me to do what you wanted
heightened in Athens.
Questioning all that happened
what did it mean
just
******* my soul and body
So abused
I couldn't disentangle from it
So violated

And you continued it
with your talk and talk.
Your lies of reflection and regret
Your abuse of my love and belief

Then my desperate wish was granted
You made contact via a third party
On reflection
to address the end, to answer my questions,
to give us some meaning, to help us move on with our lives
you cared about my life, to be honest.

the day, the place, the time, the third party all set
then you renegade last minute, no explanation, once again shut me out
without a thought for my life, you willful behavior, ongoing abuse.

So finally now I know you are a pathological liar.
I don't  give a **** about you anymore.
Its like I have woken from a nightmare
I have no more energy for you
I am not afraid of the fall out of exposing you
I will no longer protect the secret.
The legal proceedings will tell the truth
And you will have to face your demons.
I will move on with my life
which is so much bigger than yours.
I will fight on to free myself from
your abuse.
My life no longer tenuous.
This is the end of my series of poems - love and deception.
The courts will be my voice.
Patricia Tsouros Feb 2014
What do you see, people, what do you see?
What are you thinking, when you look at me?
Do you see a grouchy old man, reading my book?
Lonely on the doorstep, drinking my beer.
Is that what you're thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your eyes; you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still!

At 20 I have wings for feet and fly like a bird
At 30 my dreams of love,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At 50 I contemplate the future alone.
At 60 I think of the years, the loves I have known,
A life that passed me by.

What do you see when
I struggle on my zimmer frame
To buy my Bulmers ?
So you see a body broken,
A man of poor character.

Well let me tell you this,
Inside this lumbered body, lives a young mans heart,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the pleasure and the pain,
I think of the years all too few – gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people, open and see,
Not a sad old man, LOOK CLOSER, SEE ME
A man of memories and dreams,
A Life story to tell.
*Paddy lived alone in a cottage on the lane way close to my avenue. He sat outside his front door everyday, drinking his bulmers and reading his book, watching the world go by. I spoke to him each day when I walked the dogs, just for a short few minutes. He died suddenly last week, from a heart attack, right outside my home, the ambulance came, I knew he was dead. Now as I walk the dogs I see his front green door shut and I miss Paddy sitting outside sharing the few words we did.  His brother came to lock up his tiny cottage. This is an ode to his life.*
Patricia Tsouros Mar 2013
I couldn’t be around you without feeling
as if my world was crashing down.
Twice I walked away but you kept
holding onto me.
Your love dominating,
controlling, and reckless.

For us both ‘WE’ became an addiction.  
Our physical connection creating a real
emotional entanglement.  
The intimacy escalated not with your love
and respect rather with your insatiable ******
desires and deceit.
You came closer to me than anyone ever had.
To say that we were totally engaged,
consumed with each other would gravely understate
what you did not only to my body, but also to my soul.
It was a crazy love.

When your presence met mine.
I’d forgotten the meaning of peace of mind.
Self-respect had flown away,
integrity fallen by the wayside.
I didn’t know who I was with you.
I didn’t know who I was without you.
Yet, I couldn’t leave…
Even though deep in my unconscious
I knew 'WE' were wrong.
My addiction wouldn’t let me go,
your addiction wouldn't let me go.
And I stayed…
Your behavior came so close to crushing my spirit,
my will to live.
In your compulsion to protect your deception
you abandoned me,
my life hanging on by a thread, I could not sleep or eat,
I could not breathe.
It was like being in a coma that I was fighting to survive.
With intensive professional help
I was forced out of the coma.
I survived.

Now I see
I stayed, not because I loved you
I stayed because I didn’t love me.
Passion kept me bound.
Truth be told, to be totally honest
I stayed out of fear, fear of missing the passion.
But now I know I’d rather be alone… than
shackled by the anguish and drama you swore was love.
As the synapses of my brain reconnect,
the evidence of controlling emotional abuse,
of possessive manipulation, overwhelms my mind and body.
I see now I wasn’t built, wasn’t ready to understand
your type of love.
I can’t deal, can’t bear, don’t deserve,
your emotional betrayal and abuse.
I have kept your secret for you to tell.
A secret I will never betray.
Now no longer together
locked in by your silence,
perpetuating the manipulation,
forever destined in your secret,
your abuse continues.
Patricia Tsouros Sep 2013
I thought and thought
I hoped and believed
I cried and mourned
I screamed and laughed

Then I realised it was passion.

My gorgeous
Every moment with you
Crazy for you
The fluff of your paw
Touches my soul
You gnaw at my heart
Endless days
Shortened nights
Awaken to the mystery of life
Picasso book
"Art Can Only be ******"
Chewed
My babe forgiven all
You daze into my eyes
Lips so soft
I am insane for you
Our affection entwined
You lay on my chest
I feel every breath

And I realise it's Passion

Forever crazy for you
This poem is about my new 7 week old puppy Olliepop- I love love him.
Patricia Tsouros Mar 2014
A flawless red curve of
Seductive lips
Your bold tongue
On the cusp of mine
I savor your words
Reckless declarations
Breathed down my throat
Slashing my soul
A wound that won’t heal
Exposed to the memory of
*******
Memories that make it my ruin
The way you wrenched my heart
Racked my mind
Molested my soul
The desolation you left me with
When you were done

I look for Pink
To comfort and inspire
My emotional essence
You will see if you
Look into my eyes.
Patricia Tsouros Nov 2013
Unraveled my Heart
Encircled my soul
Pulled in so deep
I could not see
How it would
End


*So pull me any
closer and I
can tell you
how it ends
Patricia Tsouros Nov 2013
"Ate my guts
Devoured my mind
Ripped into my soul
Stole my life
Now you
Want to silence
My voice"
Patricia Tsouros Oct 2013
Room 1648
Opening my eyes to
The streaming sun light
Stretching my body
In the heat of the day
To the sound of the sea
Seeing
How lucky I am
From the 16th floor
Looking out at
Sweeping palm trees
Stretch of South Beach
Echoes of beach life
Resonating all around me
Feeling the freedom of happiness
Of peacefulness
Finally

Down at the beach
Sand between my toes
The rolling waves washing
Over me
The taste of salt on my lips
The wind in my face
I lose myself in the expanse of ocean
Glistening under intense sunshine
Your depth of care eventually saving my life
Binding us together as husband and wife
Feeling the freedom of happiness
Of peacefulness
Finally
I wrote this poem last April when we were in Miami. It's been a rollercoster of a year but he is always there for me.
Patricia Tsouros Oct 2013
Stumbled in
mind & soul
I had no idea
that night would
would lead
to shattered scene**

#micropoetry
Patricia Tsouros Nov 2013
The dogs chasing the late autumn leaves
Fluttering down the lane way
The sound of the train as it passes by
Peaceful afternoon walk
The cottage walls and porches
Flourish of colour
Enwreathed with ivy green
Bellflowers, hollyhocks, hydrangea
Scents of lavender and sage
Evoke
Memories of childhood days
Visiting grandparents cottages
One in the Irish Wicklow mountains
The other in the suburbs of Athens city
The free flowing sound of the river
Smoke billowing from chimneys
The cottages have no pretense or grandeur
Just a sanctuary of comfort in the silence of the lane
Reaching the darkest corner of the soul
Patricia Tsouros Sep 2013
Our private bungalow
Leading to the private beach
On the Saronic Gulf
Turquoise water
The smell of pine trees
Chilled Champagne
No one else just us
Totally alone for five days
Mesmerised by the Sunio Sunset
The vibrancy of the Plaka
Danced to the early hours
Under the Island stars
Ate Moussaka and Baklava
We talked and talked
No phones
No net
Nothing, no one just us
We held hands
Like young lovers
We shared intimacies  
Never done before
I believed your words
Your intimacy
Your need for me
Your desire
Your love
And then
In the darkness
Of our room
A Stranger
And the struggle began

I gave you my love
You took that trust
You tore me apart
Filled my head with all your lies
Abused my passion
To suit what you wanted
My life rearranged
You manipulated how I saw myself
How I saw others
You played with my feelings
You abused my anxieties
Made it hard to be with anyone else
You took my faith in life
A Stranger in the room
Patricia Tsouros Oct 2013
I sit here alone
wondering where my life is
where it all went wrong
despair haunts me
how I got involved
why I lost what love is

The days go on
just one at a time
waiting for the
goodbye to all the anxiety
to anger with myself
for surely I have suffered enough
through all these months

left unprotected
so lost
lost by your embrace
haunted by your words
I search around everywhere
for the passion and hopes of life
searching for the day chaos
no longer in my head
perhaps I won't feel so lost

I feel I am finding my way

Then

I want to scream..all I want to do is scream
I want my anger to go away
but its like a blazing flame
I want my despair to leave me
but I am drowning in pain
I want my sanity back
but I don't know where to find it
Patricia Tsouros Sep 2013
It was a hot summers day
A hazy glance thought the window
I lived my life for him, with him
He was all consuming
I was finding it harder and harder to cope
I told Paul
“i can’t cope anymore with all the lies, your overwhelming intensity, your needs, the ***, i feel i am losing my life.”
“i need to try and find my feet again and my life. what do we do if we continue, it can’t continue like this.”
He said  “you will attempt suicide over me, stay with me”  “we should die rather than not be together.”
Patricia Tsouros Feb 2013
You knocked
I opened the door, in you came.
At first you felt safe
as you settled in, familiarised yourself
with my space
with my most intimate belongings.
Then you slowly but determinedly vandalised my space.
I asked you to stop, to leave.
Each time you went out the front door
you insidiously returned through the back door
when I was not looking.
You burglarised my heart, my soul, my mind.
Your lies and deception became my super glue
You knew it and you abused it.
I wasn’t swift enough to get away.

At first we were easy, as time went on
a knot formed in my stomach.
Tightening and tightening
I never knew what was next.
You locked me into your deception.
Fierce enough to keep me where you wanted,
as you wanted.
You walked away no better than a con-artist,
A thief
A thief of my heart, my soul, my mind
You know what you did

Now I see it clearly
I will take you on
As I find my feet again
And regain my space
My resolve
To face you in a court of law
To challenge your abuse of my soul and mind.
Patricia Tsouros Mar 2013
When you step on my dreams 
There will be days like these

In the depth of the night 
I feel your hand embrace my neck 
Stroke my back 
Your loving arms secure me 
You take my hand in yours 
You whisper in my ear 
I am here with you 
I won't let you die 
I roll over 
Open my eyes 
I am alone

I want the world to know 
To know 
The empty promises you made 
I am not afraid to bare my scares 
I am heartbroken 
Not by the end of us 
Heartbroken by the deception 
Heartbroken by the illusion of the impossible 
How you lead me to believe 
With words and love 
That you were all I needed 
That I was all you wanted
Broken trust and broken faith 
Betrayed in the hardest way

I know today 
I have a rocky road to walk 
I am not afraid to tell the world 
You hurt me through and through 
I to destroyed so many trusts 
You had my soul 
I feel no shame in 
Telling all 
The rocky road ahead 
I will walk with 
My head held high 
My intellect intact 
If not my soul
My vulnerability there for all to see 
My weakness and your strength 
A vulnerability captured in destruction 
Caught up in confusion

In the depth of the night 
I feel your lips on mine 
I am wrapped in your embrace 
You whisper 
I love you 
I will catch you 
When you fall 
I open my eyes 
I am alone

When you step on my dreams 
There will be days like these
Patricia Tsouros Jul 2013
With That Smile


When the day has been long
and the troubles last into the night
And then you come to me
With that smile
and everything is suddenly alright

When I feel the weight of the world
upon my shoulders
and let things get under my skin
And then you come to me
With that smile
and I’m ready to try once again

When words or actions of another bring me down
Or if I’m feeling pretty low
And then you come to
With that smile
and I know I’m not alone

When I’m ******* myself
and find it difficult to believe in me
And then you come to
With that smile
and I know I can accomplish anything

Your smile does so many things
it brightens up my day
Your smile is like a promise
that things will be okay

Your smile is all I really need
to ease fear, disappointment or doubt
Your smile lightens my heart
From the first day I held you in my arms
I lost my soul to you
The love of my life
With that magical smile
You and I against the world
LOVE YOU
A Poem to my Daughter Katie Born 19 July 1985.
you
Patricia Tsouros Dec 2013
you
Wishing you all my readers a very promising new year 2014 filled with all kinds of nice things.

you deserve kept promises
and tea in the morning
you deserve love notes on your dashboard
and sausages for breakfast
you deserve love every day
and to be kissed every hour
you deserve to be reminded
how wonderful you are
*Dedicated to John*
Patricia Tsouros Sep 2013
Wounds were opened
Lips were sealed
Hidden scars
Remain unhealed
Painful bruises
Once concealed
A secret taint
Will be exposed
Patricia Tsouros Jul 2013
As the Last Dusting of Earth Covers the
Coffin
You Know
She Now Sees  
The Truth
You Know
Death is the Power
The Eternity of Truth
From Which You Can No Longer Hide
Patricia Tsouros Jan 2014
The time had come for two hearts to go their own way. 

It wasn’t sad; it wasn’t angry; just profoundly honest;

In the whirlwind of young life
Their love sudden
He blew her away
She caught his breath
The lust explosive
Captivated by each others touch
Living the dream
Fancy London apartment
Chanel and Bottega Veneta
Cap D Antibes
Woke to keys of an MG
Squealed with delighted
***** and Wine
Yet in the depth of this life
Fighting to be free
To own their souls
Losing sight of love
The power of another life
Kept them chained
In the birth of her breath
It came to an end


The legacy off their passion
A sparkling spirit
In the shadow of that spirit
Never to know
The geniuses of
Her soul
No captured memories
His dying voice
Silent to her life

— The End —