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  Oct 2015 Taylor
Tom Leveille
i don't watch home movies
hate them
reason being because
when i was young
i was looking for a movie
my mother
had recorded for me
and accidentally
put one in the vcr
that i'm not sure
i was supposed to see
i know the obvious response
"uh oh, ****"
sorry to disappoint
they were only marked with dates
on live television
montel williams asks my father
"how can you just throw
your child away like a piece of trash?"

i spend so much time
in the emergency room
that my parents stop
penciling in growth marks
on the frame
of my bedroom door
i always thought
it was because they believed
i would never grow out
of this sickness
sometimes i believe
the reason that they
never bought me a dream catcher
was because they never thought
i'd live long enough
to see them come true
i am eliminated
from a spelling bee
because i didn't know
the 'dad' is silent in 'family'
before i got into poetry
i used to do standup
none of my jokes were funny
one of the other comics
tells me my skits are dry
sometimes sad
he says "why don't you joke
about something like your family?"

so i say
"i never wore any sunblock
because i didn't want anything
to keep me from my father"

i say "what do you call christmas
without lights or heat?"

before he has a chance
to answer
i say "1997. better yet
why don't you
make like a dad and

every time we drive
past the hospital
my mother reminds me
how much it cost to save my life
like she'd rather
have her money back
she doesn't have to say
that sometimes she wishes
it was me who had died
instead of my brother
i can hear it in the way
she says "love you"
sometimes i imagine
that if i were to die
that she
would pick out a casket for a child
because she never loved
the person i became
yesterday i told my father
how close i'd been
to suicide lately
and he said
"that's my boy,
livin on the edge.."

and i can't remember
if i laughed
or cried
  Aug 2015 Taylor
Let's get lost among the clouds
and chase scattered rays of light
until we no longer dream
of **salvationⓒ
  Aug 2015 Taylor
you've got me
without you I'm not looking for any eternity
you're holding all of the Milky Way Galaxy
and too small to see, that's me
the man on your moon
couldn't be more stuck on you with glue
I'm your goon
your baby
your love
you've got all my love
with no ties left undone
every string attached
you're my match
as in a light in the dark
I don't know what I've got if not this spark
like Noah's ark
two of every creature
one of you and one of me
we'll sail away together
and know everything the world has for us to see
I can't find my senses
it's a rigged race
and we're winning
it had to be you and me from the beginning
Taylor Aug 2015
When you left,
you made me feel like
a fish being hooked
through the gills,
dragged on deck,
left bleeding,
gasping for air.
and yet,
here i am,
longing for your darksome ways,
even though i know its wrong;
that you're wrong;
that i don't need you...
and that i shouldn't want you.


— The End —