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88 · Feb 28
fuck me
Påłpëbŕå Feb 28
i know nothing of how the world works
checking my pockets, i've zero *****
how did a soul so pure get tarnished?
how did my heart so loyal get banished?
what did i do, huh?
where did i go wrong?
this suffering i thought was ending
but inside me it still prolongs
and wander i door to door in search of peace
broken body, my trust torn from piece to piece
yet nobody answers with honesty and i unleash my monstrosity
or so do i think because in a blink
i tune out my demon's voice
eliminating the bad choice
and get ready to be walked all over again
a glutton for punishment and pain
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2020
Its been 2 years since I last saw you,
Yet, every night you're my only view.
Your black hair with waves within;
Tempt me to use my fingers to sin.
The smile you always had on your face,
Motivated me to do the chase-
So thats what I did and on my luck I bid,
Asked my peers to find out your name,
As like me you were also out of fame.
But unlike me you did not want to know who I was,
And that thought always made me pause,
Still I did what all I could;
Alas! I got the wrong identity,
So I understood that we would-
Never be together for eternity.

My fairy tale ended the day my gaze set on that boy,
Because I am still trapped in his unnamed ploy!
At some point of time in life, we all had crushes whose names we could not find out. And that led to vigorous searches on social media; in vain.
81 · Aug 2023
no words
Påłpëbŕå Aug 2023
it's funny how now when i pick my pen up
only for it to drain no drop of ink
not letting all this chaos out of the envelope
is now taking away my ability to think
for all these words stay jumbled in my head
creating pictures of unreal imagination
of daydreams and those moments i bled
i wish to write down this clotting confusion
yet fail i to form simple sentences
filling my bones with apprehensive
and all the while my anxiety eats me alive
i wonder without poetry how shall i survive
because without this i am fully empty
like a starving soul amongst the plenty

thoughts thought everywhere
but not a single word to write,
oh dear reader i feel i don't have long-
what a pity it is to have my plight?
79 · Oct 21
to the love left in me
Påłpëbŕå Oct 21
its been seventy days and a few minutes more
since i've been trying with all i am to be alright
i know i will never be like the way i was before
someone who is bold and beautiful and bright
and has so much fight still left in her
that the world within me starts to unfurl
yet i end up on my bed, coiled and curled
hope flowing down my eyes making everything blurred
it hurts a lot yet i can't break and shall move forward
i don't know how to lean on a man's shoulder because i ain't a coward
but on days like today i wish he'd call me up or send a message
waiting for anything at all, even his hate or his caged rage
why? because i don't know what to do with all this love
that's still left in me for him, i can't seem to shove
so cry i, my heart out when i am on my own, alone
in the darkness of the night, i miss "us" in the glow of my phone
only to get up tomorrow morning to be abso-*******-lutely great
letting go of the girl i used to be, becoming a heartless woman with every date
-losing myself all the while i look for me
i don't know what do i even miss about him because with each day he seems more of a figment of my imagination
the realization that i never mattered to him kills me
but he will never know, i will never give him the satisfaction
i guess i conjured him up
78 · Sep 2020
YOU'RE
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2020
You're the beauty to my beast;
You're the abundance to my least.
You're a sight to behold- for my eyes to feast,
You're the purest prayer to my inner atheist!

You're the salvation to my chains,
You're the cure to my pains;
You're the destination to my unending lanes,
You're the humility to my vain!

You're the perfection to my flaws,
You're the balm to the scratches of my claws;
You're the redemption to my unjust laws-
You're unaware of my being, yet I'm truly yours!

You will never know of my existence,
You will never be the prey to my persistence!
You will be spared of all my obsessions-
And stay aloof to all my confessions.
Because:-
You're the life to my death,
Yet the irony is- I'm the one who still isn't out of breath!
73 · Sep 2020
/DARK SIDE/
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2020
The demon that lives within me;
Is difficult for your eyes to see.
I cover it well behind my face;
That you find angelic without a trace-
Of the evil that resides in my brain,
Running through my body in my veins.

But I can't keep it inside anymore;
I want to show it to you before-
My mask cracks, and I can't hide,
You must be acquainted with my dark side.
Only then I will be able to give myself to you,
Without ever fearing bidding my love adieu.
We all have places in our heads we don't want people to visit.
60 · Oct 25
moving on
Påłpëbŕå Oct 25
will this colourless existence ever see any hues?
or in this time frame all i shall feel is blue?
i talk to people and feel nothing at all
still checking my phone to see if he'd call
but he's already out there having the time of his life
pretending he's the victim and blaming me for the rife
yet day in and day out i cry, feeling weak as ****
only to piece myself back together and try my luck
he isn't a lesson but a trigger has he become
making me question everything and then some
i don't grieve the man he chose not to be for me
but i simply shake my head at the betrayal i couldn't see
for he went out there and told people about my vulnerabilities
thinking he did something right by crushing even the possibilities
of us even being civil to each other's presence
and maybe not always being better in each other's absence
how easy was for him to forget about me and my love for him
because i've witnessed him remembering her for years on a whim
maybe i had my answers all along and still stupidly hoped
my beating heart pumped more than blood, a dream to float
and now, when the ship has sailed and sunk
i am here alone, wailing and waiting for that punk
to finally see sense and mend his actions
but he's too far away, moved on with his stories and captions
how much longer is it going to take for me heal?
it's almost been 3 months...yet "We Don't Talk Anymore" hurts like a *****
i know this is good riddance, this is good for me but him turning out to be exactly like he promised he'd never be breaks me
i can't even talk about it, talk to him or do anything will all these feelings i have

it's just a chapter, not the entire book...i don't reread it, don't even want to but his nonchalance is making me feel ******* used

but nothing matters right? you gotta be strong p :)
i have tried 99 ways to get over him
felt the **** of my scar on my skin
i wrote, i cried and died a little on the inside
waiting for him to come back, hoping he'd decide
that maybe i am worth his efforts and his time
and i ain't that ugly of a person that he's made up in his mind
but he keeps on breaking my already shattered heart
that still longs for him, belongs to him in part
i can't really wrap my head around the fact how
despicable and heinous a human can be
snuffing life out of another, issuing a death decree
and what baffles me more is how he masked all this all along
with each day passing was he plotting to make my suffering prolong?
abandoning me at the exact moment when i was all in
hardening my preexisting beliefs that love was a sin
yet i willingly choose to become a sinner
because in the game he's playing, i don't aim to be a winner
all i wanted was his faith and rest i would've happily done
but now the mere thought of companionship is something i have shunned
this feeling of wanting to hold on to that glimmer of hope
isn't really going away, maybe there's no scope
i don't know how much longer is this going to take,
how much more dawn do i need to come to wake?

— The End —