Perfect
Example of
A
Cute
Human.

He is my peach.

Tonight the moon is just a sliver, I don't remember what that's called.
Everyone is either sleeping or working and going about their lives.
While I am horribly heart broken.
Just ship wrecked, stuck against the rocks getting beat by waves.

I told him that I thought I was lucky.
Lucky. I thought I had found that person for me that the movies have convinced me is out there.
The one.
But somehow, now, I am the most unlucky ******* earth.
The boy I want more then I've ever wanted anything doesn't want me.
Ever.

I thought I was falling into joy, and cozy sheets and love when really I was tumbling into a black hole.
I am so empty now I don't want to live.
Just the other day I was so excited for the future, with him.
I will always be alone.
Just like the moon.
Surrounded by stars but never gets to touch them, never getting to feel the heat that could make me happy.

My brain likes to forget that
we aren’t together anymore.
So every day when I first open
my eyes I am harshly brought back
to the truth that I may never
get over you.

It's kind of funny how the human brain works.
You really should be careful what you wish for.
The last month has been emotionally exhausting and so long, but I feel like I'm about to make it to the finish line.
Just like the season is slowly changing, so am I.
I'm ready for colder weather;
to put away my tank tops and shorts and pull out the sweaters and boots.
Of course I'll miss summer when the wind hurts my face and I feel that kind of loneliness that only someone who is single on the holidays can understand.
But life goes and change is good and everything has a way of working itself out in the end.

Isn’t it funny but not really
that I feel the same way I did
when we were together.
So unsure of how you see me,
and how you see the future.
If I’m even in it at all.
I know I’m just emotional,
But that doesn’t make this
feeling invalid.
I like to make everyone around me
believe that I am perfectly content
being alone and most days that’s true.
There is no longer anyone
to let me down or make me feel
less than, other than myself.
And I always say sorry.

If I wasn’t spending all my free time
believing his words I might have
a new man, a new life by now.
And truly part of me wants to try
for that because I’ve seen this movie
before and
I don’t like the ending.
And real life isn’t a movie,
I am getting older each day,
farther and farther away from
“My happy ending.”
Whatever that means.
Because love is grand and wonderful
but also a fairytale that humans
so desperately want to come true.
You can wish all day for a unicorn
but that won’t make one exist.

Today I am sad, but just deep down.
Which is where I prefer it to be.

I’ve built this belief
that nothing is
permanent.
No person, place
or thing will stay
forever..
Nothing is in
my control
so I feel out of control.
But I’m already expecting
him to leave, to stop,
to change
when he hasn’t.
The second I walk out
his door,
I feel worried
and he feels good.
I want to believe him
but instead I fear him.

All I can think about are
his hands on her.
His arms around someone else
in the dark.
Devoting his time and
attention to her,
telling her he’ll always be there
like he used to say to me.
They’ll come up with nicknames
for each other,
I wonder if he’ll use the one I gave him.

I was stupid to believe that he
would actually love me forever.

It only took him 2 months
to replace me.

All of this is brand new to me.
How he opens doors so I can walk through first,
talking about meeting my dad and how it's important to him if he's well received.
Going on a pizza date on a work night.
Someone to listen and care and try to help.
And that last kiss when the date is over that leaves me filled with butterflies and a smile that lasts for hours.
I'm just feeling lucky lucky lucky.
Whatever we are right now, I like it.
So much.