i ache at the mere thought of you
of closeness,
of being together,
of reaching and touching you,
oh so tenderly

for you are the one
who holds space in my heart
and who i wish
i could hold in return

every day
and every night
you reside in my thoughts
your smile radiant as the sun
your eyes darker than onyx
as the sun sets,
you appear

i am one of my own
what has been decided for me
and yet what i cannot be
if only because i cannot be it right

becoming a scavenger,
i pick apart what remains
from the carcass of femininity
clawing and ripping and tearing
and taking from gender
whatever i desire
for what has gender done for me?
aside from putting on a collar
and controlling my every move
deciding what i do
and how and when and why i do it

stealing what i can
and turning it upside down
looking starlit and airy
while still solid with rage
and being oh so tender with her
and protective from the rest
raccoon eyes and evening gowns
leather boots and lace socks

i need to cut my hair
dye it pink and start anew
its time for a change
and these locks keep me locked away
weighed down by a person im not
and held inside a body i do not belong to

i have to talk
lips sewn shut for so long
i dont remember how to speak
slowly im learning
how to order fast food
without breaking down

i want to get better
were it easy i might have a shot
but that guns turned on me
and pierced my heart
over and over
and im patching the wounds
but with every bandage i place
another gets ripped off

last online: 2 years ago
clicking away from your name
nostalgia holding me close,
as if i could ever forget

last online: 4 years ago
missing how it was
when we were off
laughing in a world of our own

last online: 6 minutes ago
its so different now
business has taken over
and im healing
but i still remember all those times when we were

"the moon is beautiful tonight, isnt it?"

reflections of a city softly grazing the water
lapping at the docks
causing the ***** to hurry home

ice cream melts in its cup
nearly forgotten
as the salty breeze
threads its hands through our hair

minnows swim in a growing puddle
reeds dance as the seagulls laugh
i can never forget the smile etched on your face

the sun has gone to sleep
the stars tell their stories in the sky
the street lamps flicker
and i cant help but agree