to everyone who's calling me....*i am no longer the person you're looking for.

It's been months since then
and I can't stop thinking that it's my fault

How did we ever confuse the birds with the bushes
We’ve kept the birds wings clipped
And the bushes are running rampant
Yet we still wonder why we can’t understand anything
Like how gravestones roll off your tongue
Why the matches fall from your fingertips
And how your name has always reminded me of the gallows
The monsters under our beds have voices like shattering glass
And I know it makes it so hard to sleep sometimes
You told me to keep all my skeletons in the closet
Because I shouldn’t want anyone to read the signs that hang around their necks
I know to never look at them unless I want to see everything I ever died trying to find
And when I wake up in the middle of the night
With the tremors haunting me like a car crash
I always think I’m back in that hospital bed
And I’m sorry that I cannot control what escapes from my lips in that moment
I swear to God I’m not afraid of the dark I just don’t know what I’m fighting anymore
Entangled in the bushes that we left to grow unchecked
While the birds without wings watch me struggle with what I’ve made
Strange how its so hard to breathe without the sun
*~W.C.

At one point he realized that if he hugged me hard enough our hugs don’t last as long

It reminds me of the way some people take pills
if you take enough all at one time
perhaps the dosage will be strong enough
to run through your blood like runners in a race
to blissfully declare that it’s all for nothing and nothing for all
that the feeling of my shoulderblades cracking under pressure
is better than overdosing on pills

It reminds me of the way some people gorge on food
because if you eat it all as fast as you can
it takes a few minutes before your stomach feels that its too much
and if you wait to puke it all up in the bathroom of your school after lunch
maybe the feel of ***** and the burn in your throat
is worth the taste of all that food
that you ate too fast to enjoy it

It reminds me of the way some people use their orajel
because if you sit there are you numb one spot
all the other aches are suddenly so appearant
because all of you hurts, doesn’t it?
Not just one tooth, but all the others
and if you numb the one distracting you
suddenly your whole mouth is in disarray
and you hurt everywhere

It reminds me of life support
because a machine pumping what you were born with into your body
reminds me of the way I cling like a child to their mother’s skirts
to you as if you were my only living teddybear
because I know that if you were to walk away one day
I could go on living
and that fact alone makes it that much likely
that you’ll stay even longer

because I don’t think I need you
but I want you around anyway

Say goodnight,
with tmazi-pan.
Cos I'm dosed up,
on val- I -am.

Need one thing,
to make me dream.
A real good,
benzo diaza-pene.

Can't find this.
Can't find that.
Don't know where,
my head is at?

Lost my cash.
Lost my keys.
Can someone ******,
tell me please


Where I live.
And who I am.
Cos I'm messed up,
on val-I-am

(c) mandyrigby and P Skez 21/01/2014

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

When I fall asleep my eyes meet yours.