the world is dull
the colors less vibrant
until all i can see is gray
and black and white;
i'm struggling to hold onto
the last bit of blue
because i know i won't see
it again for months;
my skin is red everywhere
except the faint pink lines
that are scattered on my body
but please don't try to help me
i like it this way.
the only yellow i see is
the dead flowers next to where
the two halves of my heart lay;
i know i shouldn't cry
but i'm scared of the dark
i just want to be where you are
where all the colors are

covered by thorns and hidden by vines
but you’re still attracted to the light
that reflects from my broken sides
you want to swim alone tonight
but I know you’d let me hold you down
Velvet rose petals and shattered glass don't mix but still you’ll love me anyway
despite the scars I've left on you
you’d lay with me
on dead grass
and let me point out your fading colors
you’ll excuse my relentless attempts
to bury you under ground.
“you're destructive
and reflective,
I see myself in you”
As my ridges rip you to shreds you stay with me,
a ****** mess and a lonely swimmer,
another garden destroyed
with wasted raindrop tears

The hands on the clock are ticking
faster than I can walk.
Seasons are changing
along with my heart
A breath of fresh air was long overdue.
A whole new world, full of promise and hope,
Leaves me standing here lonely
with the same empty feeling I swore I'd escape
the second I left that god awful town.
But here I am.  Feeling quite worthless
and did I mention lonely?
Maybe the place wasn't the problem
Maybe I am.

i remember when i was young
and would connect the freckles
on my mother's leg like it was
a game in one of those silly children's books.
thing's aren't like that anymore...

"why must everything change?"

i'm just a withered flower dying to
know what it's like to finally feel alive.
i want to be home.
my yearn for a placeholder.
this town swallows me whole, willingly.
shocked or overwhelmed.
i bustle underneath my bed only to find childhood memories,
but emerge to something more wishful.
home is but a variable.

i'm left to choose.

i'm found guilted by only the
misconception that maybe life
will get easier. i find myself
alone late at night even when
surrounded by the people that
should make me feel worth, but
i only seem to find melancholy.
it's easy to let yourself be sad.
it's not easy to get yourself
out of that same sadness.
i whisper goodnight to the people
i love and say goodbye just in case.

even if they don't hear it, at least
somewhere off in the darkness
where my thoughts wander off,
maybe, just maybe, someone will hear.

Lately it seems
the memories of that past
are clouding my brain.
I remember the days and nights
I spent alone in my room
Howling at the moon
Begging it to take away my sadness
as my thighs dripped crimson red
and my tiny body shivered
the chattering of my teeth is still echoing in my head