I still call out your name at night
Still look at the TV imagining you playing video games

Still talk to God about you
Still pray for you

I still don't use your drawers
I leave them empty

Things are all around me
But the room still feels empty

I still miss you

It was like he threw her away,
Like all she was,was a worthless piece of trash,
Did he forget?
Forget all the glorious memories they shared,
They began as friends,
Then somewhere between all their laughs,
All their smiles,
Their jokes,
Their happiness,
They fell,
Fell for one another,
Until his love faded,
And for him It didn't matter,
Matter that her love never died,
To him,
She became nothing,
That's exactly how she spent life feeling,
Like the Nothing that everyone thought of her to be,
Now she must pretend,
Pretend her heart is still intact,
Pretend his words didn't make her cry herself to sleep each night.
Pretend She's better and that her love too has faded and died.

You
Always know
Always sense it
You see it
In my dark eyes
And you ask
What's wrong
And its then
I see how foolish
This is
I'm always upset
At nothing
So I tell you I'm fine
And I know
I will be
As long as your beside me.

I love our story

It hurt sometimes

But we've collided again and again

Reached bliss

And we still fight off evil

For evil cannot be destroyed

Only change it's form

But our love

It prospers

It is stronger than anyones

Tomfoolery

We are meant to be

Some are just to blind by evil and hate to see.

Stuck in this place,
School,
Friends roam the halls,
But what do they know?
They think they know me,
But they only know the me I pretend to be ,
I tell them I'm fine,
In-fact my smile is spread so wide they finally stopped asking how I am.
But don't they see me,
Don't they look me in the eys and see how I'm dying inside,
Losing grip,
One day soon maybe even losing my life,
I'm on edge
And soon I won't be able to pretend,
But before my eyes shut,
And before My heart stops beating,
See me,
The real human being.
(Lifeless and dull,
the one who needs rescue,
Please my darling will you save me,
Just keep me from the edge of the world,
Don't let me fall off,
Just make me happy,
Just save my life,
All you have to do is know the real me,
And Still Care.)

The toxic fills me and I ravish in the moment,
I watch as the blood slowly stops,
Lessening with each passing moment,
I take one long sigh of relief but something is awry,
Tears well up in my eyes as I watch my arms,
The blood a beautiful crimson red still seeping out of me,
What have I done but add another scar,
I just added another reminder to all of my exsisting pain,
We all have our reasons and mine are hidden.
I refuse to let out the monsterous stories that created me,
I tried so hard to lock up the devil in me it's already free,
Constant fear of being caught washes through my mind,
Still who would see and who would bother to care,
My demise is inevitable,
It's all dependent on time
And soon enough my time will come,
My Time Of Death.

Hatred
Bred from
False lies
Hate in your soul
Causing
You to unhappily die
You see
Hate is not pure
And your hate
I know for sure
Your desires buried
By this loathing
I'm glad your gutless
Because it keeps you away
But still I know
It'd be better for us both
If your hatred wasn't so determined to stay.

I've been on the run
My whole life
I've been lost
Roaming
Hoping for sanctuary
Needing something permanent
I'm filling
Bursting with emptiness
I buried the pain
And covered it with ignorance
I avoid every flashback
Wince at every thought
Because they still remain
I'm breaking
Into complete catastrophe
I'm running
From the life
I wish I never lived

Weakness posses you,
Overcomes the darkness within and all life is ****** out of you,
Joy can occur but still there is a force holding you down,
And you seem to be drowning,
Reaching for help where none can be given.
How sad can a happy life get?
Behind the curtain lies a sccared and traumatized person,
Her wounds will not heal for internal wounds have branded her,
Every breath she took reminded her of the past,
Of all the pain,
The let downs,
The wrong choices and the words unspoken.
To believe I am this girl,
I am you breaks me,
For what am I but a fool,
I can't see all the good because I'm blinded by the sorrow,
I am weak and there is no mercy for me,
I fall to pieces by the simplest of acts,
I am nothing in the world of somethings,
To be worthless in the whirlpool of worthy lives.
Can no one feel my pain?
Am I truly that alone?
Truly I am,I am.

Not one sea or ocean
Kept us apart
The people
The roads
Long and boring
They did
But our souls
They ran
They ignored
And as we moved
Closer and closer
We finally saw
What the world
Didn't want us to see
We're soul-mates
So happy together now
Such harmony
And no one
Nothing
Can change
What we know
It's just you and me
Because we finally
Reached each other
Finally got our chance.

The truth about love is It hurts you,Your not in love if at one point you didn't doubt either yourself or the person you claim to love...The truth about love is There are good times and there are bad...But if it's real love it won't matter as long as your together...The truth about love is You don't see it coming and if you do,you can't avoid it.You were suppose to fall in love you were suppose to hurt at one point...Your suppose to doubt it...Your suppose to feel like it's a mistake or like you don't deserve to be loved..Everyone deserves to be loved....Everyone has a soul-mate but humans tend to not see when or soul-mate is right in front of us...And then they leave and we believe we've lost our only chance but they'll return if it was meant to be...

I hate myself
Because I love those
Who can never love me

Because somehow
I always do what's wrong
Instead of right

Because in the end
I'm the one left alone
Crying

Holding only myself.

For I have known
A lust so strong
That when torn apart
Could tear a already severed heart
Hath I known
I would have strayed
Ran with fright
For the lust
Has me begging
And pleading
And he is not lust worthy
So I am now stranded
Nowhere to go
But filled with desire
Yet I let it be
I let it take all of me.

I sit outside of the circle typing my words,
Thinking of my best friend and the love of my life,
Together,
I think of the person who can make it better,
But won't,
I think of the loneliness,
and I think of the agony building up in me,
And I am about ready to EXPLODE.

Love shares too many good-byes
Too many unsaid words
Far too many pieces of shattered hearts
The painful memories are unumerable
Love begins with such life
Such beauty
But as it dies a part of us does too
Love shares tears as well as smiles
Shares gut wrenching pain with butterflies
Love begins with a bright and mystical magic
But love ends with black life ******* magic
There is no changing this predestined course
It was loves way of saying they aren't the one
Even if every ounce of you says they are.

Memories,
Each one precisely burned into my mind and heart,
Days we spent together,
So many memories,
So much heartbreak,
So many perfect moments that end horribly,
You were the first to say those three words,
It's hard to believe that your the first to deny them,
We were each others first kiss,
Kissing in the rain those days,
You told me those were special moments,
Now you say they were meaningless,
Where did the love go?
Your heart can't be that cold,
Even if it is
I wouldn't mind snuggling next to it,to keep it warm,
I thought you could give me love,
I thought our love could survive anything,
It seemed to survive time and distance,
So where did the love go?
Why am I alone now,left with only the memories of what was?
You were my first love,
My first kiss,
My first eevrything,
My first heartbreak.
Where did the love go?
What happened to our hugs,
Our kisses,
Our laughter,
Our smiles?
This is the end,
And all I got
Are Memories That Haunt Me,Experiences,One Less Friend And A Broken Heart That Trusts No One.

In another universe we would have been soul mates, and in another we would have been best friends. Now we are neither. Just fading memories and that's okay. But sometimes I need you not to love or make love to but simply to talk to. You knew me more than anyone else. Even on the days you didn't quite love me. Maybe you could tell me what my heart wanted right now because my love life feels like a disaster. It's painful and exciting all at once and for all the wrong reasons. And I wish you were sitting next to me telling me exactly what I want. So I could disagree only to discover you were always right. That's how we worked. Or maybe that's how we fell apart. All I know now is that I don't love you anymore and that's the most liberating feeling I have ever truly known. I was trapped in this vortex of you. The one where I was determined to have you. And the problem is, the man who pulled me out of the vortex is no longer the same man making me happy. He's no longer the one making my heart twinge the way it use to for you all those years ago. But I'm wearing a ring I made engraved with forever. I'm trying to fall in love again. Because I loved him so much I swear. And I wonder if this is how you felt when we ended. When I would come over and crawl into your bed. I wonder if you tried to fall in love with me again the way I hope I fall in love with him again. And I want it known I do love him but I want to be in love. He makes me smile. But sometimes he makes me cry. Sometimes he makes me really hate myself. And I know I can be a sensitive person but I don't think he quite sees how his words break me sometimes. I want to choose him. I do. I want to say that one day too; I do. But here I am with this twinge in my heart that I'm trying to bury or force away. I tried that with you. I did. But I still ended up loving you nine long years. Tell me first love of mine. How do I say goodbye before I've said hello? How can I choose him? Because the love in his eyes remind me so much of the love I had in mine for you once upon a time.

You missed it,
missed the monster you created,
The cuts they lead me to hell,
living in constant surveillance,
A never ending jail,
Each knife,Each pin,
they seemed to be my saviors,
yet I could not go near them,
they were my weaknesses,
When you walked out of my life,
future scars were marked,
I tried to stop on my own,
But I needed a higher power to stop me,
I still think about it,
I still think about you,
The pain comes flushing back,
And I become weak,
I want my saviors,
I want just a pin,
Please just one,
But I think of you,
and how you tried to end it before,
So I grip onto the little will power I have and slowly those evil thoughts,
the evil thought that were created the day you walked away,
They fade,
and light shines in,
and I only hope this time it stays.

She's crying in her car
For the tenth time this week
And she begs for her life to end
And her request goes unanswered
She is a hallow woman
So broken from this world
Breaking more from the brokeness
Because people tell her
it'll get better
you'll move on
you'll forget
you won't always feel this way
And she just screams
When?! When does it stop feeling like a dagger is in my chest? When do I get to smile again? When will it get better? When, because it sure as hell hasn't happened after all this time.

She sits in her car
And she cries
Tries to steady her breath
She hopes
One day she won't have to cry
One day it won't ache her to wake up
She hopes
With every tear
And somehow she thinks
Her time will never come.

"I'm happy for you"
(But I'm not happy)
"Congrats"
(On having what I lost)
"He's a good kisser"
(I would know)
"I always knew you'd be with him"
(My heart and fear told me so)
"I can't believe you haven't kissed yet"
(But I'm glad you haven't)
"I'm okay with it"
(But I'm not,I'm just dealing with it.)

He's nice,
Funny,
Cute,
Kind,
And Caring,
But He's Gay.

I will be

The zebra

You can be

The lion

And I'll

Let you devour me.

I'm weird
When I sleep
I leave my TV on
Because I fear the creaks
In the night
And I fear the dark
Because I sense there are
Always monsters
Lurking in it
I get deja vu
And I remember most of my dreams
They always seem vivid
And so real that I wake up sometimes
Crying or afraid
Or just plain confused
Sometimes I can look at a person
And tell if they're "vibe"
Is good or bad
Sometimes I like to look at people
And make up a story about how they've
Been damaged
And sometimes
I think I'm just plain crazy
For all the little things I do
Or all the things I feel.

Everything is better with you
Movies are more intresting
Music has meaning
And even my tears
Are just a little sweeter

With you,
Life feels good,
It feels like I'm living

I love you
Maybe I always have
Or maybe I just
Keep falling in love with you
Over and over again

Either way it is the most
Painfully beautiful feeling.

I wish I could explain it,
But I'm so confused,
My heart it aches each and everyday,
I've let go,
At at least mostly,
But when I'm alone your face flashes by in my mind,
Then I remember it all,
Our friendship that became love,
I remember our story,
Our hugs,
Our kisses,
Our laughs,
Our smiles,
I start remembering how much you meant,
Remembering when you loved me,
I wish you never let go,
I wish you would hug me,
But these days,
Just a hello would do,
A hello I may never get.

Hold me tight
Promise me
I'm your real love
And all those
Before
Were bad mistakes
Lie to me
Tell me
Your love
For them
Could never
Compare to
The love you have for me
Kiss me
And say
Your marrying me
And no other girl
Will ever
Or has ever
Heard those words
From your lips
I love you
And the past
Can be a bad
Reminder of
The lies we told
But once believed
And I honestly
Would hate
Despise
Loathe
The past
Except
I met you
Somewhere back there
Behind the girls you dated
Behind the ones who hurt you
You and I met
Once so innocent and young
And I have finally gotten you
I just never want to let go
I don't wanna be one of those girls.

Don't let me be.

Let me
Slither away
In shame
For I do not
Deserve such
Greatness
For though
I never knew
I destroyed
Both me and you.

It's like they smell my emotions,
And they all runaway scared,
Scared of the reality I see,
The reality they ignore,
The darkness lives in us,
waiting for our breaking point,
My breaking point,
It was loosing you,
It was loosing the only thing that brightened my days,
The lose of you brought the lose of my sanity,
My mind forgot everything new it was taught,
It only remembered you and me,
And Our Memories,
The story of how we met,
how we became best friends,
How I fell in love with you,
The hugs we shared,
The stares we enjoyed,
The kisses spent in the rain,
Our first and my best,
Our memories never died,
they haunted me,
and they all grew sick of me,
sick of our stories,
they still run,
run from my heart,
but while they're running from me,
my heart is trying to chase them,
and in the process breaking bit by bit.

Years ago

He gave me fake flowers

He told me he'd love me so long as they lived

You know that story

I don't have them anymore

Hell, I'm not even sure what happened to them

But wherever they went they're still living

So is there some part of him

That still loves me?
Thinks of me?
Misses me?

Where oh where
Art thou
My sweet
Romeo.

I'm bad at falling asleep
It takes me hours
But last night
When smiles relit our faces
And we fought through it all
United as always
I climbed into my bed
Cozy as can be
And before I fell asleep
I felt your arms wrapped around my waist
And I smiled knowing that one day
It won't be my mind dreaming
And wishing
But reality
A blissfully eternal reality.

The days pass and I remain,
Remain now only slightly insane,
The strain starts to fade but my heart always feels the pain,
You were like Novocain,
You took it all away,
if only you would stay,
I'd be grateful if it were only a day,
But I guess that day isn't today.

In a fit of lust
We lose control
But when all is done
I smile as you put your shirt back on
Realizing how good you look without it
And remembering all the days
I use to want to see you so ****
So bare
And now
After my patient waiting
I finally get to see
And I'll never get tired of looking.

Do you know I still cry over you?
No,I thought you understood,My hearts cold,I simply don't wanna care
Do you realize no matter how far you push me away,I will always love you
Well I have no idea why
It's simple,You met me when I was dull and unhappy,You made me happy,I fell for you a little more each time you made me laugh and smile,Every time you looked at me I felt like the luckiest girl in the world,even if you were just my friend,I loved you your dark sadistic ways intrigued me,They brought out my own sadistic ways,You made me who I am
I made a monster
That monster died,you know that girl that cut,that cried,that hated the world?She died,and the true me now exist,and it's because of you she does
I stuck with you through it all,and I never did give up on you
Then don't now,Please I need you,I've always needed you
You were the one who said I broke your heart
You did,But not because you did something wrong,but because I had to live life without you,and life without you broke me
I don't want to hurt you
Then please,Just stay
I don't know
Please,you have to know that without you that monster will return.I know you don't want that and neither do I
I'll stay,If you promise me something
Anything
When You stop loving me,Find someone who appreciates you the way I always have
IF I stop loving you,I promise I will...

Why can't they understand
That without him
I sit here and wither away
That everday i found strength in him
And now everyday i find weakness
In his absence
Why can't they see
That without him
I am nothing
That our love torn apart
Damages me
Why can't they see it
I need him.

Once upon a time
You were my prince
My knight in armor
You rode up on your stallion
Rescued me from hell
The smell of you
Clean and new
Enticing me to get closer
The feeling of your arms
As they wrapped around me
Warming any coldness
And causing my heart
To quicken its beating
Then one day
The feel of your lips
As they fought with mine
Your the victor though
You wanted your dominance
Need it too
The touch of your hand
Leaving me breathless
Making me desire more
Knowing I could not have it
Teasing me with touches and kisses
The love we shared then
Has faded away
Died and disspeared
Your sword slashed me
And memories
Burn as a reminder
We lost each other
And now
My prince
My adorable knight
Has become nothing
But a distant memory
A part of a life
I never truly could stay in
My fairy tale ended
Because fairy tales
Are not real.

I cannot allow
The past to interfer
With this present state of bliss
I cannot allow the memories crash
Into me
I cannot allow your eyes to pierce my soul
I will not let you infect me
You hate me
I hate you
But each time you look at me
And you do
I burst inside
Trying to figure out what to say
Fighting not to look back your way
I'm struggling because your smile
Or the memory of it
Invades me
Almost warms me
I have to go on
Battaling the memories
Because I can't let my heart
Feel anything for you
I refuse to risk all I have
All I've achieved
For a boy who
Already gave up on me.

I am from a land where darkness is the ruler,
where evil thoughts roam,
I am from cuts that have become scars,
I am from a place where broken hearts are a must,
where broken hearts never heal,
I am from open coffins,
Filled with purple lifeless bodies,
I am from tears that are always being shed,
I am from abandoned memories,
With love to spare and no one to claim it,
I am from warm hugs that fade away,
I am from perfect kisses,that end in you walking away,
I am from hope that seems so pointless,
I am from trying that constantly fails,
I am from an imaginary valley where you are mine,
Where smiles are always real and light always shines,
I am from imperfections where nothing is right,
I am from my own planet,
I've claimed Venus as mine,
I am from Aphrodite,
Her daughter at heart,
I am from my own dreamland,
where memories are always reflected,
the memories of how I became,
Became Me.

There was a basic interview
Where we asked
What you liked
Who you were
And you responded
With so many words
That sounded like angels
Whispering in my ears
Your everything I want
And the thing is
I barely know you
I know facts
I know this insticnt
It draws me to you
I smile and say hi
You smile and wave in return
Our eyes in constant lock
Never breaking
Until we're walking in
Opposite directions
I **** the urge to follow you
To follow and keep staring
Into those eyes
I'm tempted to talk
But there is this fear
That you aren't everything I want
Even though
My heart screams
Your Just Right.

I think the reason

I've always loved poetry

Is because every poet

All these people

They go through things too

They've been hurt

Just like me

And I know even YOU

Have been hurt

I mean hasn't everyone

I think we just take it harder

We don't brush away the pain

Or hide it

We cry

And we write

And we hurt

And I think our words

Help us let some of it go

Our words set ourselves free

I've been writing since I was ten

And I've never looked back

I love poetry

And I love my fellow poets

Because even if we aren't receiving love

In our realities

We are here

Where our words

Come from the heart

And no one is jugded

Our poetry is our utopia

And we'll never forget that.