I miss everything we were the glorified memories each moment i spent in your embrace,every moment i stared at your face,the kiss you placed upon my lips all of our memories keep my heart racing...

The truth is
I could never
Love someone
If they didn't
Know about
My past
I could never
Be happy with
Someone who
Doesn't know
The facts
Because if they
Don't know
Who I was
If they can't
Accept what I've done
Or been through
How can they accept me
As I am

Without you,
I've grown weak,
They don't see,
They don't understand,
how unbearable life is without you,
without the one I love,
The one that kept me safe,
And kissed me in the rain,
the one who hugged me to make me scream,
you kept the pin away,
without you the pin,
and the cat like scratches,
they turned into a blade,
and deeper cuts,
blood ridden ones,
They didn't stop me,
They watched,
Watch as I wanted my life to end,
I prayed for it,
Death,
But it never came,
then out of my weakness came hope,
I hopped I could see you again,
and slowly the urges fade,
But still evil lurks,
it roams my mind,
But still I believe it's slowly dying,
I believe happiness,
May be coming back to me,
Maybe,
Just maybe,
I hope.

I want to
Grow
Old with you
One day
I want the ability
To say
That I've
Lived most
Of my life
Married
To you.

The love of my life.

My one and only soul-mate.

I don't care anymore
I don't care about the past
Yours or mine
I just want you
At the end of my life
I will still want you
I don't want the past
To keep me from being happy
Not anymore
You were,
No, you are my soul-mate
I don't care what anyone says
I don't care
Because all I know
Is I love and miss you.

You missed it,
missed the monster you created,
The cuts they lead me to hell,
living in constant surveillance,
A never ending jail,
Each knife,Each pin,
they seemed to be my saviors,
yet I could not go near them,
they were my weaknesses,
When you walked out of my life,
future scars were marked,
I tried to stop on my own,
But I needed a higher power to stop me,
I still think about it,
I still think about you,
The pain comes flushing back,
And I become weak,
I want my saviors,
I want just a pin,
Please just one,
But I think of you,
and how you tried to end it before,
So I grip onto the little will power I have and slowly those evil thoughts,
the evil thought that were created the day you walked away,
They fade,
and light shines in,
and I only hope this time it stays.

I hear it in the breathe they take,
Not sympathy for the tears I cry,
Only aggravation,
"My friends"
They grow angry with me,
As I watch their agitation grow I realize I might be loosing them,
I might be loosing the best thing I've had,
It's kind of sad,
Knowing friends is the greatest joy I can ever have,
But even they fade,
And the moment they do I'll be alone again,
I always seem to end up alone,
Everything seems so temporary,
And nothing I do can change that,
All good fades,
And it seems the bad over stays it's welcome,
But it stays,
It's there even through the good moments,
Waiting for the good to end and bad to begin,
But it's okay,
It's all just temporary.

I cannot allow
The past to interfer
With this present state of bliss
I cannot allow the memories crash
Into me
I cannot allow your eyes to pierce my soul
I will not let you infect me
You hate me
I hate you
But each time you look at me
And you do
I burst inside
Trying to figure out what to say
Fighting not to look back your way
I'm struggling because your smile
Or the memory of it
Invades me
Almost warms me
I have to go on
Battaling the memories
Because I can't let my heart
Feel anything for you
I refuse to risk all I have
All I've achieved
For a boy who
Already gave up on me.

Once upon a time
I was beautiful
I was your paragon
Once upon a time
You saw passed my flaws

Now in the aftermath of what
Was suppose to be our happy ending
I see myself as less than
All the sweet caressing words
That once made my heart
Aflame with joy
Now I see the ugliness
And the complete imperfection
Of who I am
And yet it does not help
The words come back
Nothing I ever do or say
Or feel
Will ever let me get a single of those
Sweet words back.

It's all emotional for me
Our hugs and kisses
Our hand holding
The way you stare into my eyes
Or kiss me all over my face

It makes me laugh
Makes me feel loved
The way our bodies entwine
Makes my soul feel awakened
As though I had been asleep before you

In your arms I feel content and happy
For me it's all emotional
The words and the actions
They all mean something
And to me they mean everything

When your near it's like the air
Becomes cleaner
Like somehow
Everything will be alright

I know things change
I know you want change
While I fear it

I know I try
As much as I can to be
The woman you want
And I know that it's you
I'm trying for

Days without you are long
And they're too many
I stare out the window
Wishing you were outside
Waiting to join me

So it's all emotional for me
Every moment I breathe
So I'm sorry if I cry
And overreact

But it's all just so very emotional
And in the end
No matter what emotion I feel
I know I love you.

The days pass and I remain,
Remain now only slightly insane,
The strain starts to fade but my heart always feels the pain,
You were like Novocain,
You took it all away,
if only you would stay,
I'd be grateful if it were only a day,
But I guess that day isn't today.

I've always wanted
Love
To feel
Their hands
Entwined with mine
Needed to hear them
Whisper I love you
As we lie close
I want
To feel their lips
Brush mine
I've always dreamed
I'd belong
I'd be someones
Perfect match
Their soul-mate
Because love taught me
To believe in that "crap"
I just always wanted
To love someone
And be loved the same in return.

The Darkness once enveloped me,
The memories of my hardships haunted me,
Oh the memories,
How they made me wince and ache in pain,
Slowly the pain has faded,
Slowly the happy girl I was comes back to life,
The light begins to peak through the dark that had trapped me,
And finally I can see,
True hope,
It exists,
And it's growing in me prospering each second,
One day I believe and I hope,
The darkness will fade completely,
And hopefully the light will shine bright once more.

Your Toxic Name Flows Through Me,
The Harder I Try To Get You Out,
The More Memories Come Rushing In,
Our Memories Suffocating Me To Near Death,
Everywhere I Turn Your Name Appears,
In Books,
And Here In My Sanctuary,
I Cannot Escape You Now,
And I Have Been Trying For Three Long Years,
Your Six-Lettered Name Is A Rattle Snake That Has Bitten Me,
If I Don't Get Rid Of This Venom Soon
I Will Die
And Maybe You Will Too.

I'm just tired*
Tired of
Drama
Lies
Betrayl
Secrets
Waiting
I'm tired
Of my reflection
I'm tired of my shadow
And most of all I'm tired
Of not sleeping
I miss my room
My bed
My home
I'm so tired now.

I think the reason

I've always loved poetry

Is because every poet

All these people

They go through things too

They've been hurt

Just like me

And I know even YOU

Have been hurt

I mean hasn't everyone

I think we just take it harder

We don't brush away the pain

Or hide it

We cry

And we write

And we hurt

And I think our words

Help us let some of it go

Our words set ourselves free

I've been writing since I was ten

And I've never looked back

I love poetry

And I love my fellow poets

Because even if we aren't receiving love

In our realities

We are here

Where our words

Come from the heart

And no one is jugded

Our poetry is our utopia

And we'll never forget that.

I'll love you until the day My soul no longer lingers...
The day yours has faded away...
I'll love you until the stars die and there are no more planets...
I'll love you until the day goes dark and the night gets bright....
I'll love you until nothing is left in the universe...
I'll love you until forever is over...
I'll love you now as I will in the future...
I'll love you until I die as well as you do...
I'll love you until everything living or dead is gone....
And only our essence lingers...
I'll love always no matter what is changed or what is altered...
As long as you stay true to yourself I promise to always love you...

I'm bad at falling asleep
It takes me hours
But last night
When smiles relit our faces
And we fought through it all
United as always
I climbed into my bed
Cozy as can be
And before I fell asleep
I felt your arms wrapped around my waist
And I smiled knowing that one day
It won't be my mind dreaming
And wishing
But reality
A blissfully eternal reality.

It hurts without you
And your right
We haven't
Spent time together
And I miss you
It's felt like forever
Since you last looked at me
With desire
And I miss that too
But what hurts most
Is I feel like you don't trust me
Like you down-graded me to *****
Because your friends weren't in my shoes
And I hate that
I hate that we've let other people in our minds
Because that's destroyed us too much in the past
To let it destroy all we've worked for now
I've been so indescribably upset
And every time we solve our sorrows together
Something else interferes with us
And it seems like we never win
But I never give up
And I won't now
I'm the type of person who hates change
And that means I try not to
So when I say I love you
I say it with my soul
I say it with every bit of me
And I mean it forever and always
I don't let go because I never give up
Won't you please just be happy with me.

Love shares too many good-byes
Too many unsaid words
Far too many pieces of shattered hearts
The painful memories are unumerable
Love begins with such life
Such beauty
But as it dies a part of us does too
Love shares tears as well as smiles
Shares gut wrenching pain with butterflies
Love begins with a bright and mystical magic
But love ends with black life ******* magic
There is no changing this predestined course
It was loves way of saying they aren't the one
Even if every ounce of you says they are.

Enveloped
I am sometimes
Drowning in
This world
For there
Will always be
Shameful parts
Of me
Hidden things
Not even
I like to know
Or remember
About myself
I'm burying it all
In the sand
This is no treasure
No x lies on those
Memories and fragments
I've found an escape route
From this island of me
It was the ship of love
Our ships
Merging
Becoming one
Just as our souls have done
You my love
Are and always will be
My prince
My knight
My rescuer
And one day
My husband.

I'm tearing apart
And I don't know
What to do
Because when you
Speak more of sorrow
Than of love my heart
Stretches And aches
I fall apart again
At each moment
Thinking of your sadness
Missing the rise from the love
All I know now
Is how much I love you.

You carry my heart
Promised me
You'd never tear it apart
Darling you keep me whole
Always
You have a piece of my soul
You keep me from the brink
Hold me close
My only perfect link
A smile fills my chest
Oh how you feel
So unlike all the rest
We're so strange
And together
I hope that never does change
You lighten my day
And make me believe you'll stay
I love you
I don' know if it's true
But you say you love me too.

Wrapped tight
As though
It would help
Me feel
Everything a little
Better
But it was all
*Breath-taking.

Waiting
Patiently
For the day
When we don't
Have to
Work around
Schedules
And holidays
Where
We can come home
And find the other
Lying in bed
Our cat arriving at our door
To comfort us
And then our child running down the hall
Screaming
Mommy
Daddy
Once everyone is bed
It'll just be us
Our wedding bands
And our comfy bed
Calling our names
For we will
Live our lives
Together
Happily
And
Joyously.

Oh my sweet
Lover
Whatever shall I do
For I am lost
Once again
And I need your help
To throw
That pesky love bug
Off the scent.

I want
to provoke him
To the point
Where his
only option
For control
To once again
Be his
Is to take me
And ravish me
once more.

It was all one beautiful
Heartbreaking lie
You drop me like
I am nothing
After saying
How much I mean
Your cruel
Lovers are suppose
To help each other
Not abandon them
Their forbidden words
Can't stop us forever
So what happens when you're free
What happens if the evil doesn't rise
And what if it does
Will you come for me.

I could never do better than your crazy ***

Here I am again

Missing you

Feeling alone

Wishing you were holding me

Kissing me

I will never know a love like ours

You will always be a wish come true

But like all good things they end

Like all those I love

You leave.

You,
Me,
Together?
I demand more,
****** me,
Make me yours,
Take control,
Don't let me go,
Don't walk away,
Just stay,
Just keep your smile so I can keep mine,
Never forget our tender moments,
Never regret our time

I won't.

My skin
Only reacts
To your
Touch,
No one else's.

I have seen the want in your eyes and then I watched it dissapate,
I denied you entrance,
But granted you permission straight into my heart,
You left the girl who wanted you,
I thought you would be the kinder type,
I figured you would be there once I spoke honestly,
But like every other guy who wants one thing
You left when you couldn't have it.

I was only 11
When my prince
Strode up
And asked
For a dear friendship
I was intoxicated
By him
My friend
Who made
Me laugh
And smile
Made my heart swell
And break all at once
My love that was
A miniature
Explosion in my chest
Every time he'd look
Me in the eyes
My prince vanished
For quite some time
And at 15
I met my king
He proved
He wasn't that
Silly prince
Who was ashamed
Slightly more fearless
He took my hand
And I certainly don't plan
On letting go.

As always without you
I am a pile of withered ashes

Brokeness that can't heal
Not alone at least

As always I realize another mistake
Another flaw of mine

Another reason I have lost you
**** babe

I tried so hard not to love you
To not need you
To not miss you
But your soul
Has always been a part of mine
And even when others said you
Were completely insane
I said that your craziness was mine

**** sweetie pie
I freaking miss you
You were my best friend
And even though
You could forgive
You couldn't forget
And even though You didn't understand
You tried so hard to
And I think you knew
The contours of my soul
More than anyone ever will

Because ****** baby
You were my eclipse
Always passing through
Sometimes you'd brighten everything
Other times make it so dark
And every once in a while you
Would make it both
And it would be beautiful
We never worked
But we wanted to so badly
We fought for years
Until we quit

And I still miss your little scar
And your freckles
I miss your weird appetite
And I miss your fear
Of hugging me when I cried
I wish you were here
Because I'm a bigger mess without you

Some love stories aren't perfect
Some don't have a happy ending
I know ours didn't
But it was still amazing.

Joshua Blackmire
Whose child I'll one day sire
Whose soul I love and admire
Whose words inspire
Whom I cannot call a liar
Who makes my heart fly higher and higher
Whose hand never seems to tire
And whose touch that lights my soul afire.

Your fear
Shaking me
To my core
It derails me
I'm afraid
Not that
You want
To leave
But due to
Anxiety you
And I
Will part
For my frail
Heart cannot
Bare
To be away from you
You are
The support
I've always needed
And I'll fight
Always for you.

Those doors,
They didn't realize how special they were,
To have you push through them,
To Have you walk by them,
Those doors,
They held a small part in my happiness,
Either they let you come through or,
They wouldn't,
They knew just as well as I did,
If you were not walking through them,
I would be distraught,
I would become nothing,
Those doors thought they were nothing,
So they wanted me to suffer,
They never let you in,
And Those doors and I,
We felt the same,
We felt like Nothings

In another universe we would have been soul mates, and in another we would have been best friends. Now we are neither. Just fading memories and that's okay. But sometimes I need you not to love or make love to but simply to talk to. You knew me more than anyone else. Even on the days you didn't quite love me. Maybe you could tell me what my heart wanted right now because my love life feels like a disaster. It's painful and exciting all at once and for all the wrong reasons. And I wish you were sitting next to me telling me exactly what I want. So I could disagree only to discover you were always right. That's how we worked. Or maybe that's how we fell apart. All I know now is that I don't love you anymore and that's the most liberating feeling I have ever truly known. I was trapped in this vortex of you. The one where I was determined to have you. And the problem is, the man who pulled me out of the vortex is no longer the same man making me happy. He's no longer the one making my heart twinge the way it use to for you all those years ago. But I'm wearing a ring I made engraved with forever. I'm trying to fall in love again. Because I loved him so much I swear. And I wonder if this is how you felt when we ended. When I would come over and crawl into your bed. I wonder if you tried to fall in love with me again the way I hope I fall in love with him again. And I want it known I do love him but I want to be in love. He makes me smile. But sometimes he makes me cry. Sometimes he makes me really hate myself. And I know I can be a sensitive person but I don't think he quite sees how his words break me sometimes. I want to choose him. I do. I want to say that one day too; I do. But here I am with this twinge in my heart that I'm trying to bury or force away. I tried that with you. I did. But I still ended up loving you nine long years. Tell me first love of mine. How do I say goodbye before I've said hello? How can I choose him? Because the love in his eyes remind me so much of the love I had in mine for you once upon a time.

Perfect Strangers in the street,
Admiring the other with passionate eyes.