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Sep 2015 · 459
The Confliction
I am too weak to be alone
But too strong to settle for less than what I need.
Everyday I can't remember because
That hurts way too much
So I'm trying to put myself out there
At least through technology
Because let's face facts
I am not an openly social person
But I'm swallowed by the lack of decency
I am not just body parts to be displayed
I am not going to give myself away
I am not just one part
I am not a pair of ****
And let me say since when did ****
Outrank a personality
I will not send pictures to appease their fetishes
Or to satisfy them
I will not settle for a hook up because that is not who I am
That is not what I deserve
I just had my heart thrown aside
I do not need ***
I need a conversation
A friendship
A polite interest
I do not need to be objectified day in and day out
My confidence levels are lingering on low
I don't need anymore problems
I need a solution.
Sep 2015 · 223
Dance Girl Gone
I won't dance anymore
Because there is no one there anymore
Who will watch me and smile
With their eyes full of love.
Sep 2015 · 131
Glued
You cannot whisper move on
To a girl whose feet are glued down.
Sep 2015 · 138
Gone
Are you out there sweetie?

Your shadow lurks

I blink and it's gone
Sep 2015 · 137
Sleeping Alone
I sleep alone now
And it is so cold

I sleep alone now
And I do not wake
For morning kisses
Or mid-night cuddles

I sleep alone now
And it is hard
Knowing I will
Always sleep alone.
Sep 2015 · 135
Matter Of Fact
If I don't have you
Then I need therapy.
Sep 2015 · 277
Bad Days
I think some days
Are meant to be bad

To make you completely fall apart

I think there is an eternal struggle
Humans must get through

To fight the bad day
Or to give in

Today I'm doing both.
Sep 2015 · 145
Wrong Turn
I still wonder
If there was any scenario,
Any wrong turn
That I could go back and fix,
To just make us work
Sep 2015 · 708
"Happy"
I think the hardest part about not being happy
Is remembering all the times that you were.
Sep 2015 · 267
Despite
I tell myself I'll never be yours again
Never let a romance bud again

But I lie to myself more than anyone else

You are the type of person I would always take back

Always forgive

I have a sweet spot for you in my heart and it has not faded

But instead burned itself deeper

With every kiss

And every moment of bliss

Not only did I fall in love

I got lost in the hope

Hope that no matter how hard

No matter how long

No matter how young or old

A hope that we belong together

Despite every bad day

Or every bad fight

Or silence

Or lies

I saw us

And after those bad days

Waking up to you made it fade

Because seeing your eyes flash open

And that little speck of glow in your eyes

Made every heartbreaking moment of my life worth living

And yes I was happy because I loved

But I loved because I was happy.
Sep 2015 · 205
Tokens of Rememberance
I will be cradled in the shadow
Of where your body once laid

Swallowed by the one excess pillow
Because I use the other three

Deafened because I won't turn the TV down
Without you there

I will be caught in the web of you and the lack of you

Your ghost will live everywhere
Sep 2015 · 422
Wave
I saw the wave that would drown me
And I did not move
But I hoped instead that it would not crash ashore
But what a fool I was to believe
That a wave would not smash into the sand
Stealing away bits and pieces of it
And pulling them into the ocean

I saw the wave that would drown me
And I stood there like a clown
Too afraid to stay and too afraid to go
Oh cruel wave
Do you see how you have killed me

Swallowed me up in your saltiness
Told me do not move or you will break
And breaking me anyway
And so I blend my brokenness with the sand
And I am washed away
Lost forever at sea
Just the sand and the broken pieces of me.
Sep 2015 · 221
Dear Fellow Weridos
Where are you?
I think I might need some company

Are you weird?
I mean especially weird

Ahhh

The silence in the life of a strange recluse.
Sep 2015 · 166
Random Sentences
I'm banging on the window pane

I'm screaming for you

Just let me in once and for all.
Aug 2015 · 201
Clouds
Are my eyes cloudy
Or is it simply
That the world around me
Is clouded.
Aug 2015 · 192
Never Ever
The hard fact is
I don't think I could ever
Want someone else
Enjoy someone else
Love someone else
Because now until the end of time
I will believe we somehow fit together.
Aug 2015 · 217
All Is Fair In Love
Those kisses and smiles
That we shared just last night
Are what I hope for all the time.
Aug 2015 · 270
Choices
More days than not
I feel your heartbreaking regret
That you stayed here.
Aug 2015 · 254
What use to be
There shouldn't be silence
There shouldn't be lies
There shouldn't be tears
Or strife

What happened?

We use to watch each other happily by the water
We use to laugh together
Kiss wildly with passion just about everywhere

We use to make love
Not just have ***

What happened to the sweetness behind
Your I love yous

Why is there so much struggle
Where there should be simplicity

What happened to the word marriage
Because now it's only said by our ghosts

Why is there so much pretending
That we each have to do now

Can we ever go back
Or will we just crash ashore.
Aug 2015 · 193
Shredded
You gather the shards of your brokenness
And every movement slices
With heart breaking hope.

I am suffocated in the pain of hope
Aug 2015 · 300
Talentless
She stared at the blank page
And it finally hit her
She is not a poet
And she is not a writer
She is just a girl
Whose heart cannot hold
And that she feels.
Aug 2015 · 559
10W Father?
I wanted a father
But life gave me a stranger
Aug 2015 · 199
Doubtless
Some days you throw yourself in our future
Other days I have to drag hope of it from you

It's not fair
Because not a day goes by
Where I don't want you full heartedly

I dream of marriage and a child

While you're teetering between
It's never gonna happen
Or it will someday

Our love has come too far

Survived too long

To EVER doubt all that we can be.
Aug 2015 · 163
How?
How can our love go on forever
If you and I cannot exchange trust?

How can our love survive
If we keep ourselves from speaking our minds?
Aug 2015 · 712
The Trees of my Life
Sitting on the park bench
I watched as the trees changed
Bright green leaves morphed
Into beautiful yellows, reds, and oranges,
Trees began to shed the beauty

Everything beautiful had fallen
And all that remained were the branches
The roots
And still
Without all those leaves

I saw something beautiful,
I saw life.
Eh?
Aug 2015 · 223
SMACK
My head hit the sidewalk

And from the crack in my skull

Burst all the bad memories I had buried

And finally I was free.
And I felt ten pounds lighter
And not just because of all the blood I lost.
Aug 2015 · 283
Lick 10 W
Just a little lick

And I promise I will  *purr
Aug 2015 · 526
Shooting Stars
I waited for a shooting star all my life

But it just never came,

Maybe I'm not allowed to make wishes.
When she was born
She was a blank canvas
And now,
Now she is every color,
Black nightmares,
Orange smiles,
Pink kisses,
A red lover,
A white believer,
A periwinkle hoper,
She is every color,
She has lived
And she is proud to say
She is not just green envy
And she is not just blue tears
She is all the colors
For all her moments
For all the days she has spent alive
Another color was added
And she is just the biggest rainbow ever now.
Aug 2015 · 148
Open Eyes
There is beauty in every bone
Every ounce of fat
Every atom
And molecule
Of you,
Of me,
Of everything,
There is beauty
Everywhere
Just open your eyes and see.
Aug 2015 · 384
Lantern
My lantern broke
It's dark
And I no longer
Have my guiding light.
Aug 2015 · 623
Parental Guidance
Trailblazer of blame and negativity
You only bring anger and tears
You've instilled in me so much over the years,
Good ethics and bad but most of all many fears.

When I think of you I only think of the word "abandoner"
You held everyone else closer than me
But I'm yours can't you see
There was once a future for us, that can no longer be.
I still want to claw away at the imperfections of the day

But at night cradled in your arms

It all melts away

Especially when you're asleep

And you roll over and spoon me

When you're the one who likes to be the little spoon

Maybe you don't realize it

But each night you're the reason I can fall asleep

Because with you

Thoughts don't race

And with you I feel like I really found happiness.
I fold down the page
Of my book
And sigh

Why can't I write my own story

Why can't I explain it to anyone

I need to get It all out

So I never have to look back again

That book would be one I kept closed

And buried in the depths of my messy bookshelf.

Maybe that's why...
You gave birth to me

And you gave that ingredient

To create me

But why does it seem

I have to fight so hard

To just be

To just be your child

Momma you cared

But I'm not your number one anymore

And "father" you never really tried

I still don't think you saw me as your child

I was just the missing money from your paycheck.

Now I'm just a fading memory.
Aug 2015 · 214
10 W Not Everyday
I learned

That not everyday

Can feel like

A fairytale.
Aug 2015 · 235
Why not beautiful?
She put on red lipstick
And a pretty dress
In hopes he'd call her
Beautiful
The way he use to

Instead he simply asked
"Why are you dressed up,
Are you going to pick up guys?"

Oh how I miss kind words.
Aug 2015 · 256
Choosy Friendships
I don't really have friends

Because I'm choosy

I'm told I'm weird and crazy

But I rather have fun alone

Than be judged by people

You see the type of people who I call friends

Aren't so judgmental of the extraordinary

I may not have many friends

But I like to think those spots are reserved

For some very special people.
Aug 2015 · 179
What I Want Mom
What I am most afraid of is disappointing you

What I hate most is that the shame you give
Stabs deeper than the shame I give myself

What I struggle with most is your lack of understanding
Because  I think you should be able to understand me better than anybody

What I am jealous of most is that I am no longer your favorite child
But I am your only child

What I wish most you'd stop doing is talking about my size
And making faces EVERY time I pick clothes that you think seem large in size

What I miss most is seeing you as my hero
Because you raised me strong and always made sure I had whatever I wanted

What I hope for most is that one day I can trust you with my life story
Without you judging me too harshly

What I want most is for you to be proud of all I've overcome
Without belittling me

Mom what I want is for you to be my mom and just love me the way I am, regardless of all my imperfections, and if there is anyone who should fulfill that want it's you.
Aug 2015 · 192
Pillow Stains
Sometimes

The tears

Stain my pillow

Because they just feel like it.
Aug 2015 · 410
Cracked Pavement
I grew up
Only to want so badly
To be a child again.

I became a woman
After my battles
In girlhood
Only to wish to go back
And patch the pavement
Where all the mistakes reside.
Aug 2015 · 308
Glitter
Glitter in the air
Marked that you were here

But had decided again

To leave me behind.
Aug 2015 · 321
Dear Momma
I'm not sure how to tell you this
But from the ages of 4 to 11 you were my hero
Then everything started to change
And you made my self-esteem hit zero
You see I could handle the doctors
And my peers all calling me fat
But my own mother ridiculing me
Putting me on diet after diet
What the hell was that?

So,
You're not the superhero in my stories anymore
But I don't quite think it matters
Because I'm no longer your sidekick
I was replaced by a son who isn't even yours
Momma we use to be friends
Momma I use to trust you
But I can't tell you everything I've been through
Because you would judge me

Momma you're the one person in all the world
Who is suppose to just  love me

Not shame me

So momma

Can you accept who I am?

Will you hear my plea?
Tried something here and it came out all wrong
Aug 2015 · 212
High Tide
As the high tide slides onto the beach

The moon is aglow

And it is there in the reflection

I see your face.
Been a while so I'm not sure....
Everyone is always trying to explain what love is

Love is nothing and everything

It is the unseen beauty that keeps life flowing

Love is the thing that builds

Heartbreak is the thing that destroys

They are not the same

Love is the look of a weary soul coming home
After a long day and wanting
Just to rest,
Believing the night has nothing left to offer
But being delivered sustenance
Followed by quiet listening
Love is playing a game to ease the pain

Cuddling to ease the weariness that consumes
Destroy weariness, for it creates doubt,

Love is sleeping beside each other,
And laughing at each other
Because each night
Someone is being smooshed  into the corner of the bed

Love is the tears of a petty fight
That erupts from jealousy
Love lurks in the fear of losing it all

Love is in hope
Whether it's only one of you
Or the both
Love is there

Love is in the idea of marriage

In the hopes it'll happen
and if it does or has that it will last forever

Love is in their eyes,
And how they try to crack a smile
Even when they feel down and depressed

Love is there

Love is here

I can never give up on such a wonderful thing

Love in the beginning

Love in the middle

Love in the end

And Love forever.
Apr 2015 · 294
Silent Love
No matter what
I look into your eyes with love,
Throughout fights
Throughout our pleasures
And throughout the rest of our lives
I will always look at you with love
And these words
They can never express
All that I feel for you,
As we lay together,
And the silence fills the air,
I am at peace
Not because the lack of sound brings peace
But because you
Are there
Because within that empty sound
There are hearts beating,
Beating for one another
Filled to the brim with love,
With strength to endure,
A power to last eternity.
Mar 2015 · 578
Eye of the Beholder
Big can be beautiful too

The size of the clothes you or I wear,

Are just numbers,

They do not define beauty.
Feb 2015 · 274
Tough Day
We all have our bad days,

I just need a hug.
Feb 2015 · 526
Realism Meets The Dreamer
Stop using and abusing,
Look around you now
Don't you see it?

Governments rising above
Their massive wealth,
The rate of homelessness increasing
But more than enough empty houses

Can't you see the materialism
That has ****** the world to suffer

Money is key

It makes the world go round

But brings chaos
Hate and war
Enemies within a nation

Drop down the battle swords
Put away the weaponry

Bring forth complete and total equality

No more racism
No more wealth and poor

Just say
" I am here, I am human"

Reach down into your soul and escape

No more nonsense

Break free of your chains and see the world

For what it is and what you want it to be.
So this was sorta about my beliefs on what society is and what I think it should be... Do you have any view?
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