Even though we were together for the shortest time
It was the best season of my life
When I bloomed
Thrived and found myself
Now that it is over I shall continue to grow.
I want nothing more than the same for you.

You need to have felt loved
at some point in your life
for u to know
how to love yourself.
Thanks to you,
I know what it means to feel loved.
Now I can start trying to love myself,
since you left.

Do you think, maybe
we could be the kind of exes
who check up on each other
once in a while?
Because I have been talking to you
in my head, with myself
for so long,
and it's difficult to be in touch with reality.
Maybe if I text and you reply,
it would shatter this delusion.

Of all my lovers I pined over,
Made art, poetry,
turned all my love into colours and words and music,
You are the only one I never wrote about,
I never had to draw my feelings on paper.
Our love was as basic as breathing air,
it is always there right in front of us,
as clear as you and me and just as infeffeble.

I love all of you,
all of your love for all of your lovers in the past.
I love how u loved each one of them.
I love how u loved me.

Ideal partners aren't people who share the same values
Or even the same opinions
They are the ones that love even when the opinions differ
Ones who support the other even when they dont belive in the things they do
Ones that forgive even when they make the same mistakes again and again
You dont always have to agree with the people you like
You dont always have to like the people you love

We keep ourselves distracted
From the noises, voices in and around us
Escaping into songs, screens and conversations
But what happens when the music ends
To the thoughts we have so cautiously brushed aside
The constant reminders lurking around the corner
Are we truly free from them
Or are we still running away

Connections give the strength to go through another day without being consumed
But it is in solitude
that true healing takes place

In allowing yourself to feel every ounce of pain,
In feeling every bit of love that comes your way,
In sitting with it channelling them through words,
through brush strokes, into music
We create meaning, make sense of the world
It is in solitude
that we make art.

How to overcome differences ?
Setting aside our heroes
and demons for a moment,
The things that define who we are,
and how we should live.
How does one relate to another ?
Inspite of each being so uniquely messed up.

In shared smiles, words and tears,
Heart felt wishes, celebration of little joys,
In solidarity through suffering, emoting collectively,
Lies a chord so strong,
That binds us all together.

In selfless actions, in comforting embraces
In conquering personal trials together
In the readines, almost desperation to help,
It is beautiful to find hearts
That beats for others.

When you cross your own barriers and boundaries to connect with another,
You bare your soul
To show them how you feel,
You form bonds that can never be broken.

In a world cleavaged by differences,
Human connection
Is the highest form of love !
It is only in companionship,
In rooting for each other,
In rising together,
Life becomes almost bearable.

Calls get shorter
Intervals between texts get longer
We don't get to meet anymore
Sometimes its difficult to connect,
Even impossible to share the things we used to,
But I'm really glad u exist in my life..
and i know nothing can change that..

We write because it untangles
The twisted knots we carry in our hearts
We write because we can finally
Put down the crosses we bear
Lay it down on paper
For the next person to do the same

Writing is something
that comes to you with urgency
and you just have to give shape to it in words..

If I were to imagine a world without you
It would be, without love
Where there are no heart warming smiles
One without music, without the songs that remind me of you
Without sunshine, without the joy of waking up and looking forward to living,
Without moonlit nights, vivid with comforting thoughts of you,
Because you have changed my world forever
By just being in it,
And nothing will ever take that away from me
Not even letting you go.

Why do we fall for someone
We don't admire, appreciate, analyze and fall in love
It comes to us unknowingly, darkly, completely
There is no logic or justification
It creeps into us slowly at first and then consumes us wholly.
It is inescapable.
You might explore it, cherish it, exhaust it, ruin it, end it,
But it never goes away
When you have loved someone truly,
It never leaves you, even if that person does.

I'm not in love with you,
But I everytime I look into your eyes I'm drowning in it.

I'm not in love with you,
But when I look at your lips, I am left parched and wanting.

I'm not in love with you,
But when I see your face light up with a smile, I feel a cathartic release.

I'm not in love with you,
But everytime I see you I have this insatiable longing that tells me otherwise.

I'm not in love with you,
But my brain is sending me these signals which I don't know how to respond to.

Let me unwrap you,
Thread by thread,
See you, see every fiber that makes you,
Let me untangle the knots.
Embrace you and tie us together in this eternal bond.

Allow me to kiss your scars
Let me love your wounds from the past
Let me breathe you in
Take you as a souvenir
And keep you safe in me.

Do you know how many hours in a day I think of u ?
I don't either,
Concepts of time and space do not mean much to me anymore.
You exist and that's all I care about.

You live on a different plane of existence.
Our love exists in a different reality.
We do not cross paths in this lifetime.

You are a flame in my heart,
that can never be put off.
Our little interactions,
the texts, the calls, the smiles,
are all just smoke.
Flames are always stronger
when there is no smoke.

hate me..
***** me and throw me..
I'm already scarred
what difference does a few more blemishes make..
Paint me black with sin and burn me at the pyre..
I will take it all, in fact enjoy it all for you.

I'm happy that you never really understood me
And if you hate me more,
That is great too
I don't have to worry about you missing me
when I'm gone
I don't have to keep pushing through all this
for you anymore
I can rest assured that you will be happier without me
More at peace, less guilt, moving on to something better.
That's all I want for you.
To move on and be happy.
So I won't tell you if I'm dying here without you.

The day I fell for you,
I felt cupid's arrow pierce through my heart,
It's been sending me through waves
of pain and pleasure ever since.
On somedays more pain than pleasure,
Somedays stabbing further, deeper into the wound,
Somedays I'm just left to bleed.
Hoping that someday you would heal me,
Save me from this slow death.

You came to me.
For validation, for distraction.
Not the other way around.
I kept telling myself, I must love you
because I do all these things for you.
I convinced myself, It must be love
Why else would I put myself through so much pain?

It's not your fault,
that I fell hard for you.
I shouldn't have let you take over me.
You never meant for it to happen,
I gave myself unasked.

Whatever happens, just remember
None of it is your fault
You are not responsible for how others make you feel
However, you are responsible for what you do with that feeling
Don't indulge in things that are not you
Just because the other person is that way.
Always be your authentic self.
It's never too late to get back to yourself

keep loving you...

Vulnerability is not for everyone.
the more you open yourself up,
the more love you receive.
The more love you accept,
the more you allow yourself to get hurt.
Love and suffering are inseparable.

If you can't handle the suffering,
it is best not to love,
best not to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability sure is a sign of great strength
not everyone can handle it.

I did it for the Memories.

You ask me what's wrong.
if I am ok.
what is bothering me.

Will you forgive me if I say,
that it is you ?
that I am in love with you
and it is consuming me.

It is consuming my life.
what I stand for,
everything I have built.
Nothing but you
makes sense anymore.

There are all these people,  who love me.
and then there's you, whom I love.
The only one I really care about, whom I want to protect, to hold close always and care for.

I try to reach you,
to save you from drowning.
I dive in and give my all.
but I am the one gasping for air

while you have learnt to breathe
under water.

I have over analysed
every conversation we ever had,
Dwelled on every gesture you made,
Every minute expression in your eyes,
Even the slightest smirk on you lips,
I have replayed them in my mind a million times,
And I still can't conclude.
What do you mean to me ?
Who am I to you ?
All I know is that I love every bit of you
And you, me
And I can live with this even if this is all we are ever going to have

I have told you all that I have ever wanted to say
I have loved you in every way I can
and if we say goodbye now
I can live with that
knowing what we had cannot be recreated, replicated,
it is something rare that doesn't happen to everyone,
and I am glad it happened to me..
Goodbye my love, farewell

Sometimes it hurts too much.. to love..and to miss you.. but you are so worth it..

All the heartache, the pain and the suffering is all nothing compared to the love and belonging..

Oh...To live with love..always...
Without having to be reassured each day..
Just to live knowing you shared great love that can't be changed by anything..that you loved and were loved to the fullest.. in every possible way..
To have eternal love..
That you carry in your heart all your life.. long after they are gone..

I don't long for you
I never have
Your love was always enough
It filled me up from the very first day

I never miss you
Because we never met
and we never parted
Yet I cherish you every second of everyday

I am eternally grateful
to have you
to love unconditionally,
to admire,
To treasure wholly
With no need for reassurance

I'm going to stop loving you..
because I'm loosing control.
Over myself..
Over what I do and say to you.

My demons are creeping up
Telling me lies about you
Clouding my judgment
I don't know what to belive in anymore

You pull me close
You push me back
You say you love me
Yet you don't want me to stay

For every step you take towards me
I rush to you like a wave to surround you with my love
Till you step back to take a break
And leave me longing for just one touch

You pull me towards the heavens
Only to drop me back slowly
And I'm waiting here looking up
For another chance
It takes a while to feel the pain
But the heart ache never stops

Love is cruel
Just to me
It leaves you unscathed
Will I ever learn my lesson
Will this be the last time ?
How long should I keep trying and failing
For this feeling the stop ?

You can't miss what you've never had.
but i miss you already.
your tiny fingers, your round face,
with tiny lips that smile sweetly.
when you wriggle in my tummy
poking me with your hand or leg
i can't not imagine what you are like.
i already miss you
cant wait to meet you.

will you have your fathers eyes
or a tiny mouth like mine
will you love wholeheartedly
will you understand the things you see

i hope you are like your father
trusting, honest and the things what all men should be
i hope you are like me as well
silly , happy and glee
no matter who you are like
im sure youll be wonderful and as perfect as can be

im sure you're the cutest baby the world has ever seen
and will be the smartest boy ever.

i cant wait to meet you baby,
cant wait to see you grow up.
when you go to school i promise to be proud of you no matter what.
when you're older i promise to love you the same,
more than all our relatives, more than your father,
ill always love you the most.

love keeps you going..
it frees you… releases you… turns your world around…
coddles you…  nurtures you…  makes you glee…
love keeps you going…
it transforms you… converts you.. till you forget yourself…
slowly engulfs you… wraps you tight.. till u can't breathe..
love keeps you going…
torments you.. encumbers you…. makes you desperate…
breaks you…. hurts you… makes you bleed inside…
and still…. only love  keeps you going….

A thousand times I've sworn.
To never let you in again,
To hold you back,
And be my own.

A thousand times I've sworn,
To be more than I can,
As if Love can mend no pain,
As if my world can be whole again.

A thousand times I've sworn,
Knowing I will swear again,
Pretending its alright,
pretending there's nothing to gain.

A thousand times I've sworn,
Not loosing hope in love,
In life, in the dreams we've borne,
without which life is without dawn.

One more time I swear,
That no relationship is fair,
till reality hits,
And the word I isn't there.

Every night i slowly burn,
for all day can't give into sorrow.
Awaiting for that day to come,
with dreams of a better tomorrow.
I rest my eyes with a silent prayer,
for that day , that promised land.
To deliver me from this unfortunate dream,
and regain faith in my stand.

சொந்தங்களின் ஆழம் பிரிவில் தெரியும் ஏன்பர்....
ஆழம் ஏனும் அளவுகோல் நமக்கு அவசியய்ம் இல்லை... ஏனினும் இப்பிரிவின் பாரம் ஏனோ குறையவில்லை......
நீ அருகில் இருக்கையில்......
தனிமையிலும் என் அடையாளம் அறிந்தேன், இப்போது என் குடும்பத்துடன் இருக்கையிலும் துலைந்தே போகிறேன்...
தனிமையிலும் முழுமை கண்டேன்.. தற்போது தொழமையிலும் தனிமையே உனைர்கிறேன்.....
-உன் வருகை எனும் வசந்தம் வரும் நாளை நம்பி ஆறுதல் அடைகின்ற உன்னவள்....


i wrote this in tamil.. so the translation might not be so great..
here goes...

separation

the depth of a relationship is felt in separation...
we don't need any measurement of depth,
yet the pain of this separation is no less....
when you are near...
even in desolation i know my identity,now
even with my family i'm still lost...
i was complete even in desolation,now
i am lonely even in companionship..
- I am yours; awaiting the spring of your arrival

in the middle of the night...
i search for you...
my mouth keeps shut
but my mind is blabbering..
wounds hurt as i close my eyes....
the scars burn
and my life flashes by..
its now that i need you.
to find u to write them down..
write them away ..
so i can close my eyes to sleep for a while..
before i look for u again tomorrow night..
my little book for poetry..

மரங்கள் தன் இலைகளுக்கு பறக்க கற்று கொடுப்பதில்லை,
வளர கற்று கொடுக்கின்றன,

ஏனென்றால், முன்னேற்றம் என்பது உயரத்தில் அல்ல,
வளர்ச்சியில் உள்ளது...

(மனிதன் தன் மக்களுக்கு பறக்க கற்று கொடுகிரனே, அவர் எங்கனம் வளர்வது..?)

தன் வேர்களை விட்டு எவளவு உயர்வாக பறந்தாலும்,
அது காற்றில் பறப்பது தான், வளர்வது அல்ல,
காற்றிருக்கும் பொது தூற்றிகொல்பவன்,
காற்று ஓய்ந்தபின், வீழ்ந்து தானே ஆக வேண்டும் ...........

கடல் பின் வாங்குவதால் தான் அலைகள் தோன்றுகிறன...
after every ebb there is a tide...
தோல்வியோ வெற்றியோ நிரந்திரம் அல்ல,
தோல்வியை எதிர்பவன் தான் வெற்றி காண்கிறான்...


translation from tamil:

only when the sea recedes does the tide appear,
after every ebb there is a tide..
failure or success is not permanent,
only the one who faces fear can meet success..
success succeeds failure.

here i go again..
i convince myself that there's no reason for me to be sad...
searching for excuses to fade away this empty feeling...
simple pleasures don't seem to help no more...
i look upon the sky searching for a place i could call mine...
Im ready to take the journey, but can't remember my destination...
dont want to know what destiny has for me..
it doesnt bother me that i cant control my life...
cause when i belong to you, every mistake makes sense,
every flaw adds upto perfection..
your absence doesnt disturb me..
am just missing a part of me....

absence is not emptiness or void..
it actually is the omnipresence of something that is felt even in its absence...
distance can be handled, presence felt, though in not any tangible sense...
but absence, is unforgivable......

you are like the the air,
or a cloud, i cant compare,
what you are to me keeps changing time after time
when i see you at first, i,
wonder how i ever survived without seeing your face for so long.
when u kiss me, i,
think how lucky i am to have you here.
through the time i am with you, i,
cant stop wondering what it would be like to spend the rest of my life with you.
then, after you've left, i,
am convinced that i cant live without you.

I'm stuck in time ...
nothing moves..nothing lives, nothing grows
in my inanimate world.
my whole world in a standstill.
just my body lying next to it..
neither of us move..
I lie motionless...
almost as if the blood in my veins thickened and stood still..
suffocating...
till I finally gasp for air...
all the while it still remains silent..
my phone...
it doesn't ring...



love is a drug...
a simple task as waiting for a call
can make u hallucinate...

I'm just a girl....
I sing and dance when I'm happy,
i cry when I'm angry.
smile at all times,
and die a little every time someone breaks my heart.

I still love when I am sad,
give when i want more,
and live like there's no tomorrow.


I dream when it's possible,
and try when its impossible.
I think when it is irrelevant
but only confuse when it's trivial.

I boast when put down,
grieve when praised ( I really do!)
I believe when there's no hope,
and doubt when everything is perfect.

I'm just a girl and am as weird as one should be.

you search for love.
try to conquer it,
you own it,
then u let go of it,
and regret it.
you thirst for it,
hunt it.
you may find it,
lose it,
might need it,
yet hate it,
might not want it
and deny it.
but true love is that
which always finds you in the end
you can't escape it.

in life we live for several moments actually.....
i dont believe in living for the moment... at a micro level, that day... u ll end up miserable the next..
but that doesnt mean u shud plan ahead and live for the days to come.. living in the future is not living at all.... what really matters is when the game is over...u should have no regrets... live for that moment....phir...mazaa aayega... then u ll live life...

conscience is manipulative..
obsessions often misguiding....
emotions pretentious...
what remains in the end however...
is the vacuum in your heart when the truth lest be told...
facing fear, keeping it real, living not for the moment,
but being true, in every action, straight from your heart,
being what u are, what u believe, and what  u want to be...
makes the world much more bearable....

you search for love.
try to conquer it,
you own it,
then you let go of it,
and regret it.
you thirst for it,
hunt it.
you may find it,
lose it,
might need it,
yet hate it,
might not want it
and deny it.
but true love is that
which always finds you in the end
you can't escape it.

I'm just a girl....
I sing and dance when I'm happy,
i cry when I'm angry.
smile at all times,
and die a little every time someone breaks my heart.

I still love when I am sad,
give when i want more,
and live like there's no tomorrow.


I dream when it's possible,
and try when its impossible.
I think when it is irrelevant
but only confuse when it's trivial.

I boast when put down,
grieve when praised ( I really do!)
I believe when there's no hope,
and doubt when everything is perfect.

I'm just a girl and am as weird as one should be.