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Jan 21 · 38
scattered petals
The Noose Jan 21
my dear
where are you?
are you resting well
as for me
i ached to bloom
all my petals
scattered on the ground
on this strange land
i am sorry
i am failing to be
i miss you.
The Noose 2024
Jan 21 · 34
More than words
The Noose Jan 21
when I think of you
what made you, you
the warmth that poured from within you
your selfless loving heart
what could have been
the ache is so sudden, so acute
my whole world drops dead
the quiet, howling
desperation
in still waters of memory and regret
you are so near and yet so far
my dear
where are you
are you well?
The Noose 2024
Feb 2023 · 288
Vain
The Noose Feb 2023
There's blood
all over everything I love
Even when dawn
breaks the darkness
some nights never end.
10 December 2022
Feb 2023 · 394
Hazel breeze
The Noose Feb 2023
He is pain
He is light and love
Cocooned in his sublime presence
Hazel eyes that glimmer in daylight
I feel as though I'm to depart from this life
He possesses tenderness
in the way he moves and talks
A delicate man
He is pain
He is mine.
4 April 2016
Mar 2022 · 153
Time(mama)
The Noose Mar 2022
Losing you has been the most fundamental loss of my entire existence
It's like yearning to go home
But not being able to go ever go back
Or desperately trying to get a hold of
something intangible
my feet unsteady
On the muddy terrain of grief

For the both of us
I vowed to carry on
I must
Just often times
the air
gets hard to breathe
And I yearn for you
more than you'll ever know
My hands shake
The will be is
I am weighed down
with guilt, shame and fear
I would sell my soul for a room next to yours
I would have lassoed the moon to present it at very your feet
Forgive me,
I never bought you a pair of shoes
I never had the chance

The living have to live
Time keeps staggering on to nowhere.
For my mum
27/06/1965-1/8/2018
Jan 2022 · 200
Untitled December 2018
The Noose Jan 2022
Silenced and bruised by the mourn
written in December 2018
Jan 2022 · 847
Untitled March 2018
The Noose Jan 2022
I know you when you delicately stitch the fragments of your unbecoming
When everyone else is reaching is reaching for the sun
I know you when you ache to swallow it
When you rip through yourself
Searching for the skeleton key
That will quieten the longing
The cure
Vague, elusive
I know you when your love is sacrificial, ******, clingy but real.
written in March 2018
Jan 2022 · 220
Perpetuate July 2013
The Noose Jan 2022
I want to spill my head all
over a busy street corner
and violently expose my
actual self as what I am
and what I chose to
perpetuate
Written in july 2013 under the alias "ride the spiral"
Jan 2022 · 160
embroiled
The Noose Jan 2022
mama forgive me
I am late
staggering
my way
I am embroiled
in the widening bruise
time creeps by
my blood, anxious
the will to be is.
May 2021 · 266
Our Lily
The Noose May 2021
In waning threads of light
The shadow of
Our lily burgeons
That howling wind
takes everything
But
She's easy on the eyes
When the time comes
She'll have the heart.
Nov 2020 · 151
Embroiled still
The Noose Nov 2020
I am in the city you hated
In the guts of the very land
which made you tremble
I am in the center of the bruise,
still
Embroiled
by and by
It is bursting, heavy
My eyes are falling.
Jun 2020 · 153
Release
The Noose Jun 2020
there was pain
fear
in your bones
that which gnawed at you
in the
belly of the night
the lord
had to take you away.
The Noose May 2020
I said I wanted to remember you
Well then
if I remember you
Just as you were
in photographs
Your face like so
So clear and vivid
I want to remember you
I want to forget the pain
You are not there
Anymore
I know of the heavy
That which
sits inside my being
I will break
Written atop the gulf of Eden
Mar 2020 · 119
his conviction
The Noose Mar 2020
That night
he held me
like a promise
he poured his guts
on the bed of the hotel room
his breath on my shoulder
this human
this beast of a man reduced to a coil
in my caring embrace
i understood
the molecules
of his nature

his revelations filled
the room with a heavy
stench of sadness
he told me, he loved me
in all his conviction
i know you don't love me
I said
i would later find out
he did, love me
in his own
silent
cruel
way

when we held hands
later that night
the artificial affection
i looked at him in awe still
i was so ever gladdened to bask in his glory
i watched him drive into the night
he is not the answer my faculties screeched
they all never were
this was madness
the pinnacle of circling
on the edge of the never-ending.
17 December 2017
Mar 2020 · 135
Will you
The Noose Mar 2020
Will you say to them
when I'm gone
I loved your daughter
For the fire on her tongue
arms flung open
the devotion in her bones, still.
Mar 2020 · 110
Your daughter
The Noose Mar 2020
your daughter is an animal
uncontainable
She spends too much time
digging out the dirt
in her fingernails
Your daughter is too overbearing
she reeks of calamity's foreboding
her blood
soaked in dirt
your daughter scares other daughters
and sons away
her arms are too flung open
her blood and bone too sacrificial
clutching on
to hems of trousers
The quivering hands
She holds a pit in her belly
carries fire on the tip
of her tongue
burning the land and the foundations
on which she stands
Yet she worries about the visibility of her difference
Feb 2020 · 113
Every Rose has it's thorn
The Noose Feb 2020
The thorns have more to say
than the petals
they always have
slippery hands
I've seen you
plucking off the edges
feeble in your attempts
Feb 2020 · 122
Tedium
The Noose Feb 2020
The screams
infertile
delirious
The burning halo
Hanging on your neck
Your perfect edges ruffled
Grief awaits in a corner
at the dawn of tedious despair.
20/01/2020
22:44
The Noose Mar 2019
Dear you
Dear me
the inside
of the inside
of the inside
there, there
I'll meet you there
this doesn't have to hurt
you've lost so much more
you don't have to
close your eyes
there is no pain.
Mar 2019 · 119
Shift
The Noose Mar 2019
Something shifted that spring
The gentle hands that which caressed my bare back
Became a claw
Ripping my fragile atoms
With confusion and horror
Another faceless thing
Pulling me into the mist
Fade to black
I folded my soul over
The tremble found it's way
To the surface
In the spaces between
The cracks in the foundation.
Jan 2019 · 194
.
The Noose Jan 2019
.
"I should live in salt for living you behind"
Dec 2018 · 217
The things she could say
The Noose Dec 2018
I hope you'll have
the strength the clear the road you are on
You are a conquerer
I know you'll have the heart .
Dec 2018 · 318
The Mourn 3
The Noose Dec 2018
This isn't midnight
This is the cold grip
of a nightmare
reminding me
some things
can't be escaped
This is me
lowering my gaze
to not make
eye contact
with the agony.
Dec 2018 · 419
Gedisintegreer/Disintegrate
The Noose Dec 2018
Hey staan stil vir een sekonde. Mamma kyk na my wonde
Dis nie wonde nie my kind
Jy mag dalk net so **** maar
Baie meer het al baie meer verloor
As ek haar meer kon mis.
Het ek gedisintegreer.

Hey, stand still for a second
Mom looks at my wounds
It's doesn't hurt my child
You may just think so
Many more have lost much more
If I could miss her more


Did I disintegrate.
Dec 2018 · 195
It follows
The Noose Dec 2018
The silence is all around me
That's how I can describe
Your departure
I have no words
Except this.
I think I buried it somewhere
The hurt
It still finds me.
Dec 2018 · 606
The hurt
The Noose Dec 2018
When I pray
I smell mother on my words
And I weep
Her voice lives in the spaces
Between the words I utter
The resonance
Sometimes, l
I am afraid to speak
In fear of what will wake.
Nov 2018 · 263
Nameday
The Noose Nov 2018
Try to not make eye contact with the agony.
Motherless
Oct 2018 · 186
Years
The Noose Oct 2018
when you departed
I found a new world
one of undying silence
and an alien language
without anyone to speak it to
I thought I knew of grief
And the depths
of my gothic sea
I didn't know
when you departed
I died
so did my words
and the atoms of me
The sea swallowed me whole
all I can see is a widening bruise
on some strange body
I can't recognise
and the careful managing of
sorrow strung of denial and disbelief
I can hear the humming of
the dirge of my heart's demise
The soil of overcome
balanced on the very edge of everything
My hands shake
The will to be is
the silence and the ache
is buried so deep with me
it will take years to separate me
from my mildewed heart.
The Noose Oct 2018
I still find the the ache in new places
In the memory of still water
In the tinge of early autumn
And in the west of day
It sits in my soup
In the dulled stare
I packed my faculties
Looking for somewhere
that doesn't hurt.
I still find the the ache in new places
that know not of my grief.
Oct 2018 · 550
Brittle
The Noose Oct 2018
careful what you say
it will haunt
and when it haunts, interrupts
I don't want to be interrupted
I've lost too much
Sep 2018 · 270
Centre
The Noose Sep 2018
I still walk down that path
My hands still find themselves tracing the edges of turned pages
of a dusty book
I still drag my feet along the wasteland
And the edge, always the edge
The dirge has faded
The anger lulled
Neither sorrow nor regret
Just being
I know not why my bones find themselves
Gazing in the centre of nothing.
Aug 2018 · 311
The Mourn/Frail Features
The Noose Aug 2018
I so desperately
wanted to see her in
myself
So that she would not be lost
forever
I traced my frail features
From the topography of my irises
To the fold of my nose
The thin of my lips
I found an avalanche of
memories of her and me
in the deep of my eyes
and the curve of my face
The brown of my skin
lay the very fabric of remembrance
Of what it was like to be her daughter
I wept until I couldn't see.
Aug 2018 · 370
Disturbia
The Noose Aug 2018
It went dark
Without warning
I blurred at the edges
From violet to blue to indigo
And black
It settled in modicum of
Sanity
And in it's place
There it was
Settling in my bone
This emergency
This terror
I descended along with it
Feel it now I said, be done with it
And be free
Grief flying away from your
Body

I am almost free, I think
Until the cold grip of a nightmare
Takes hold
Then there's blood everywhere
And this hint of madness
Lulling me into senselessness
I blur at the edges
From violet to indigo to black
These revolving doors of remembrance
Entraps
Somethings can never be escaped.
Aug 2018 · 205
The Mourn
The Noose Aug 2018
"I am trying to remember you
and let you go
at the same time".
Aug 2018 · 335
Departure
The Noose Aug 2018
I am sorry,
I could not catch
your breath before
your soul departed
from your body
Had I succeeded in doing so
These burning hauntings
Would not be embedded
In my fragile pyche
Perhaps your ascent
Would have been
More ethereal
Less troubled
Peaceful
I am sorry
I couldn't do that one thing
for you.
Aug 2018 · 537
Grief
The Noose Aug 2018
Blooms to break
Like wildflowers
Corroding spine, brittle
Wrapped in debris
Clouds dissipating
between fervent hands
Precious transiency
Soil in my fingers, still
This unforgiving flood
Drowning me at sea.
Aug 2018 · 843
"I shall die"
The Noose Aug 2018
"It was a dreary night of November
That I beheld
the accomplished of my toils
Remember that I am thy creature
I ought to be thy adam
But I am rather the fallen angel
that now drivest enjoy
for no misdeed
everywhere I see bliss
from which
from which
from which I alone, am irrevocably excluded
I was benevolent and good
misery made me a fiend
make me happy
and I, again shall be virtuous
but soon he cried
I shall die and what I now feel
be no longer felt
soon, these burning miseries
will be extinct
I shall ascend fume up higher
triumphantly
and exalt in the agony of the torturing flames
my spirit will sleep in peace
for if it thinks
It will  not surely think thus
Farewell.
"
Jul 2018 · 275
The architecture of loss
The Noose Jul 2018
I learned the architecture of loss
The alchemy of the without
Walked the doldrums
Dragged ghosts to the shore
The drone of madness
The humming of death
In bones
Faded with spring's first bloom
The good heart that it came with
If the moon smiled
it would resemble him
I spoke to my heart
She told me he is home
She told me
she is bursting at the seams
I descended
From the pinnacle of everything
I am still absurd
I'll always be
These atoms of the edge
Will, stay
I learned the architecture of loss
The alchemy of the without
The bare hands
The belly that almost ate itself
I did I did. I did learn
Seasons have bled into each other
I am with, wholly
I will hold, tenderly.
Jul 2018 · 330
Give me the night
The Noose Jul 2018
The peculiar
Transient  state of feeling
Visits at night
Under darkened skies
Tucked in the Velveret air’s
Warm embrace
Only then do I have
The audacity
To wrench away
All of my inhibitions

The dreaded daylight comes
Ever so swiftly
In it’s presence
I still choke
On the almost
Cowering in limbo
Waiting for salvation
Have mercy on me,
Give me the night.
Jul 2018 · 220
Worn- 12/03/2014
The Noose Jul 2018
It was kindness
that wore the heart
Only to leave it resembling
a tombstone swathed in ice
A certain kind of profound weariness
That made the blood that flowed within, congeal
Jul 2018 · 238
Opium- 22/02/2014
The Noose Jul 2018
The silence knows
The chill
occupying
The chasm within you
Just like the dark knows
Even flickering pale light you possess
Will not save you

Just one more relapse
from settling the score
As the ticking time bomb ticks
These enchanting ***** nights
are numbered.
Jul 2018 · 210
Comatose- 07/02/2014
The Noose Jul 2018
Comatose and forgotten
Mutilated with the scalpel of false hope
It exacerbated
Bones are heavy with burden
The soul is raging with words
Entrapped by screaming silence
Jun 2018 · 216
Light
The Noose Jun 2018
You are
In these
Threads of light
Because
I am held together
By my own weaknesses.
The Noose Jun 2018
"I will teach my daughter not to wear her skin like a drunken apology. I will tell her make a home out of your body, live in yourself, do not let people turn you into a regret, do not justify yourself. If you are a disaster it is not forever, if you are a disaster you are the most beautiful one I've ever seen. Do not deconstruct from the inside out, you belong here, you belong here, not because you are lovely, but because you are more than that"
Azra T.
Jun 2018 · 384
The Sun and her flowers
The Noose Jun 2018
Wilting:

October roared in
With a cold embrace
It burned inside of me
The leaves decayed
Earth sank to grief
I could feel the sound of death
Humming in my bones
.

Rooting and blooming:

March sashayed in
with a gentle breeze
These flowers
of my becoming
Blooming, blousy
Unrestrained
Bending in time
Towards the sun
.
Jun 2018 · 248
Tell me how
The Noose Jun 2018
Tell me how
you smell like light
I think you are the moon
how are you soft
And sturdy
I want to know how
your skin feels like home.
3:55am
May 2018 · 650
I adore
The Noose May 2018
The way he wears my name
On his lips
In between kisses,
Staggered speech,
tender embraces
And especially when he's laughing.
May 2018 · 209
Bushroad
The Noose May 2018
The iridescent sunset
over the green field of dreams
I can still smell the scent of dusk
Days last whisper
From violet, indigo to black.
02/05/2018
May 2018 · 222
Abstract 2
The Noose May 2018
The sea shut back in all its gothic glory
1. The tremble left the bone
2. Neither quiet nor solitude. Some nameless absence of sound that taunts and peace congeals at the feet. Bright white
3. There is a palpable silence in my faculties
4. See those trees turning gold in the hills
5. Let us forget in generosity those who cannot love us
5. Take the side effects and say it's grace
7.  Sleep now, it was just a glitch in the matrix.
8. And the day will come when you'll be unperturbed by that which, drowned you.
Some outbursts.
May 2018 · 231
Sweet Blasphemy
The Noose May 2018
Ferocious and dispersed

The vultures glide

In the stratosphere

Devouring what was god.
January 14 2013.
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