Some are born balanced
On a precipice and remain
Tethered for the rest of their days
Overlooking barely there
Mental images
Fragments of a lucid dream
Of a conjured up past life
Once etched on skin
But no longer there
They speak of
Violent reinvention
And escape
While the hollow speaks
And catapults into spaces
Better left unknown

Psyches wrapped in denial
Running the gamut of habitual sins
Perpetuating legacies of pain
With hands that carry
The burdens of forefathers
Tiptoeing
In the twilight of dreams
Willing for the heavens
To send a spring that blooms

Hearts whose pounding
Reverberates endlessly
inside of ears
Eyes that get darker as they close
Meet with ours
A look
A sigh
Ascertaining a mutual recognition
Of the familiar
Shadows that plague.

Violin sonatas of gloom
Acoustics of desire
Play all at once
A peculiar compilation
An elegy of sorts
For yours truly
Welcome to life
Soak up the unrealised potential

Inflamed with rage
To this day
You walk this earth
With a strong conviction
You owe yourself something
You cannot deliver
Extreme self-expectations
Coupled with perfectionism
The fatal modus operandi
You continue adhering to
Goodluck with standing in the way
Of your own happiness

Thrive in your concentrated negativity
While seeking solace in one-liners
Of absolute *******
You maybe a joke
But you are hilarious
Oh, wait.. the joke wore thin
A dozen punchlines ago
You died 12 summers ago
It’s whatever

One day bitter and wilted
As you sit in a cold impersonal office
You will dream about the ocean
And mourn wasted youth
Today will be yesterday
Today is ruined
Tomorrow is dead.

The sun looks and feels as though it seeks revenge
The sweltering heat exarcabating the chronic fatigue that plagues this youthful body
All of the grumbling and screaming turning  into a silent whisper
And subsequently, a yawn
I feel oppressed by mother nature

The wind is blowing in fiery-like gusts  When it touches my face I can feel all the energy oozing out of me
Justifying this idleness

The air smells of wilted Jacaranda tree blossomings, strewn across the lawn
Which would be blissful if inhalation of these smells didn't spur on pesky allergies
It feels like the end of days

I yearn for the feeling of relief in the air and within myself when the infinite skies flare up and release the rains
And the pleasure of hearing the water murmur when it flows over the stone work in the front yard

Endurance
Endurance.

White river running
Delicately
Ethereal glow of
Twilight hues
Suffusing the atmosphere
Stark purple

Grass covered in aftermath
Of night's freezing cold
Miniature icicles
Tapering on mossy rocks
Melting with the sun's
Scattered rays
Unruffled indulgence
Bone-chilling splendour
In the arms of the mountain mist

A ******* enthusiast
Whose pessimism is intrinsic
And not fashioned
A frequenter the doldrums
With a penchant for exaggeration

A confused Scorpio
Plagued by ghosts of former selves
Meandering along a thorny path
Under darkened infinite skies
Waiting for the severed backbone
I Possess trailing behind
To latch on
And offer restoration and purpose

An eternal student
A slave to academia
With an insatiable hunger for knowledge
In the field of economics
Governed by perfectionism
That will be my demise

A feminist
A riot grrrl
With an acute  fascination with morbidity
A worshipper of rock music
And Professional headbanger

An enlightened inner-directed soul
An awakened dreamer
Gouging out
The remaining fragments of delusion
From the eyes
Embracing realism

A sufferer
Aspiring to be human.

Splendiferous blousy hydrangea
Flourishing with life
My affection soaring
Like the hue
Of the bloom of the plant
Whose fragrance reminds me
Of your tenderness.

A great sacrifice
Surrounded by uncertainty
Burdens and numbs

In the end
The sticky threads
Of the mundane
Seized and with no desire
I crept back into the familiar.

Aurora's resplendence aloft
Setting irises aglow
Ashen hazel
Erupting into stardust
Mirror of the soul drenched
In tenderness
Capturing the essence of perfection
Eyes like Jerusalem
Sublime in your bones
You bleed halcyon
Suffusing the bare with pigment

Transfixed in your delicate gaze
Fading in the kaleidoscope
Of your halo, anchored
A conduit replaying an echo
Of transient inhaled solace
A rapturous smile
Breaths life into corrupted lungs
Filling the darkest of dwellings
As though to lasso the moon
To present it at my feet

Curb your tremble
Lest the sea catapults you
Into it's bluest of depths
Again.

Baptise me
In the glow
Of your halo
Traces of euphoria
Courses through my blood
A riot in my head births
As I recall the day
You marched
Into my hollow
Inflaming
A magnificent tempest
That fill the pages
Of all that I write
Your words
Weaved into the intricate spaces
Of my impenetrable heart
To leave it radiating
Unimpeded adoration.

Murmuring rivulet
Flowing
Atop a rocky terrace
Burden suffused
Dulled skies overhead
Concealing the bright white
My heart drowning
In supreme
Dystopian smog.

Lucid dreaming whilst sleeping in zero gravity
Encapsulated in the realm of Nirvana
Majestic tranquility of a pilular nature
Pilular because you have "class"
Constellation of implications,
Etched on skin
We all have dabbled in tragedy.

On a night like this
The veil of a perfectly
Orchestrated illusion
Slides back
Leaving an absinthal aftertaste
Streaming in my blood
The unreality feels too bare
Something sinister
Occupies the chest.

Fragments of moments
That can never fuse into
Wholesome experience
Are what remains
When you depart
With the light on your back
Leaving
Shards of luminescence
Splattered
In your wake

I remain
Bound
In the wastelands
Of attachment
Perpetually
Chasing your ghost
Until I become one.

Dazzled by the sight of you
Drippin’ with blood
You always look so immaculate in red
And baby, the hopelessness in your eyes is magnetic

Your jet black hair over your baby blues
I have always been a sucker for a chap with an untamed mane
Talkin’ from the corner of your mouth
In the dead of winter
Trembling
Puffing away your cigarette
Like it ain’t no thang

The way you shred can set this ******* city ablaze
Look at you Mr rock n roll
Hollowed out
Drugged up and good lookin’
You are so ****** up
It’s perfect.

Adorable as she desperately claws her skin off
With fingernails filled with filth
Pus in her wounds
Flies buzz around the crown
Of her royal highness

Skeletons adorned with blood-red roses
Bulge out of an astronomical closet
Lies seep through her coffee stained
Razor sharp teeth
Lies like swords
That gut innards
For the final act
Of her twisted masquerade

Grandma's pearls drenched in blood
Hang loosely around her neck
As she exhibits an acidic disturbance of the mind

And yet they still lick her feet
Those imbeciles.

The sun rises too soon
Morning comes like an accusation
The dawn melodies of the birds once were of a creativity
Now all they sing are emphatic repertoires of dirges, that tremble my very bone

The stillness in the air is doused in old hopes and frail dreams..
And lingering disappointment
The air is too thick...
It's asphyxiating  

Walking the halls of monotony
Forced enthusiasm is now for real

Much like a leech the mid-afternoon sun ***** the life out of your soul
So you cross your fingers and hope that existence will not make a loser of your soul
That would be the greatest tragedy

When the night comes
The leaves start falling
Happiness was never in season anyway.

An agglomeration of accomplishments
Trophies enameled with false hope
And worth their weight in insignificance
They keeping piling up endlessly
Scatter them around this ice-cold structure we call home
So we can marvel at the sight of them
In our blissful illusion

Let the realism invade our psyches
To claim it’s rightful place.

Tethered to this pedestal
The highest I have ever seen
It is a long way down this precipitous *****
I want to descend
Then smash it to smithereens

Finger nails peeling off
As I scratch away at the wall
To tear it down so I can flee
Out
Of this womb of perpetuated cloistered existence.

A gaggle of evergreen
Riverine woodland
Invigorating crisp air
Raging without sound
Sun's glare
Stealthily seeping
Through tree ferns
Crimson winged Turacos
Gliding overhead
Humming melodies
Of memories past
Amidst
Mountain splendour
I found a pocket of nirvana
In the hollow.

The pernicious burn
Of self-distrust set aflame
The gothic sea
Recalls my scent
It pursues
Like a hungry ghost
Once more immersed
In the familiar waters
Of dolour

With a heavy gait
She trampled on the heart that loved her fiercely and without  reservation

A thorn she was, disguised as a lily
To him, the prettiest of flowers
Pulling back the veil to see she was the poison gnawing at his heart

What followed was the corrosion of the love he felt for her by the ludicrous vile flavour of her deception
Her ignition of an empty flame that should have never been lit
Was nothing new
Started fires only  to leave them burning along with her paramours

Feeding off of hearts and basking in the victory of her betrayal of souls was the only thing that sustained her

The red woman in the midnight blue dress
Possessed a beauty beyond compare
With a frost covered heart
And snake scales beneath her fair skin
It was her who murdered love.

Regret slithering in
Toxic waste
Sitting on my lungs
Truth corroding convictions
Suffering for my ideals
Stifled screams drowning out
In the aftermath
As vermilion trickles
From the vacant heart.

I remember how the  sensations inside my head would get too much
It felt like acid was eating the inside of my brain
How I felt like I had reached the end of my road
You felt so helpless seeing me in that state
A medical mystery
This disease was having it's way with me
Science had failed me
All we could do was  kneel and pray

I remember the nights when all I could do was cry
You would check if I was still breathing as I slept
How you would literally hold my arm throughout the night
Not wanting to let me go
Facing the other side, I could sense your fear of losing me
Your daughter
I was slipping away

Mum, do you remember the drives we took to take my mind off it all?
Lazy afternoons, the sun burning and us feeling completely deleted by it
Playing the song "Conspiracy" on a loop
The line “explain to me this conspiracy against me” spoke volumes to me
What had I done to deserve such an illness
You hated that song but it grew on you and it became our song
well... at least I'd like to make myself believe

Closure I never got
There was never a diagnosis, it went away on it's own
The cruelty of it
Now I live in the confines of fear
what if it comes back again?
I fear I would not have the strength to fight it

I can still smell the inside of the hospital, which had become my second home
I can still taste the  medication on my tongue
The pills I got fed, do you remember?
How they sent me off the rails
How I grew dependent

It has been 2 years since I "healed"
Convinced I left a piece of myself back there
I'll never get that part of me back.
I am not even supposed to be here
Saved by grace.

Darling, your face is my favourite
The afterglow of eventide
Flashing golden brown
On your cheek
Pulsating vibrancy
Infusing placidity,
Lucidity
Into my anarchy suffused heart
My very being awash in tenderness
That which you exhale
Darling, you are my most indulgent narcotic

Not much observation is required
To recognise that the only thing epic about her is her sadness
Which she wears well
Like a snug cardigan
Severe disregard for life varied with an intense desire to thrive not just survive
A tragic paradox

Her repetitive nature is aggravating
All who have listened have, absorbedly
Offered advice which she blatantly declined to take
The saga is getting old and tiresome
They tell her to see the light, curse the dark, and the shadows that  hover over her
They expect their words to make all the difference
And she would skip away with a smile and new found appreciation for life and all it has to offer

Riddled with guilt
She feels accountable for the pain inflicted on others by her actions
Harbouring the guilt that eats and never dies
Forever harbouring the guilt

A desperate "poet"
Finding tranquility from linking words
To form sentences, a poem
To express and create some form of art
Seeking ecstasy
Through purging of emotions

A confused little girl
Who is not so little anymore
The years are violently adding up
Though young
The sand through the hour glass is running out
Growth of the self stunted by sickness of the mind
Ricocheting from the remainder of classic teen-angst to the inevitable adult crash

All of the achievements
Do not mean anything if she cannot feel it
Looking at pictures that hang above the fire place
Her teeth indicate she is smiling
Her eyes do not
Vacant
She is not really here
She could be anywhere

Ecstasy seeped into vena
The purloin of senses
The profuse thud of a heart
On edge
Igniting bedlam
Doused in consequence
Of a shattery bliss.*


18/08/2014

The uncontrolled seasons of regurgitation
Kneeling to a devilish god
Sacred that shove

Utmost devotion to the abhorrent ritual
A cult of one
In the name my lord perfection : exquisitely emaciated

Romanticising arrhythmic heart beats
Glamourising protruding hip bones
Deeming them elegant
Poetising the lethargy
All the while being fully cognisant
Of simple truth
Perfection is six feet under

Lime coloured porcelain
Anxious ****** expression
The uncontrolled seasons of regurgitation
Will it ever end.

His advances are doused
In ludicrous intensity
And devastating emotion
A sufferer tethered
To puppet strings
Clutching on to the hem of my dress
Consuming each word I say

And I,
Do not care for him

Aimless wander
In the unfathomed depths
I drove into the walls of truth
And
Disentangled my mind
From the imprudent rationalisation
Of the subjective.

In the company of undiluted sadness
She vomits verses upon verses
Swathes emotion
In amassed bundles of metaphor
Chokes on truth
Squeezes out the blood
For the sake of creation
And
Perhaps a cure
For the feeling

Silent screaming
Traversing the precarious
Corridors of her mind
The ricochet of sound
Awakening the repressed
Opening the floodgates of
The repugnant murk
The face of her darkness
She knows not its name
Or how it found her.

Hands pressed on chest
Trying to contain
A thunderous heartbeat

What will gather
Inside my door
Come daybreak?

The drums of terror
beat the loudest.

Impending doom reeks
Of a stench I cannot erase
Enswathed in condensed
Dithery smog
A chasm sighs open
As vast as the blue
In which I submit
To the pull of the tide
Without sound
Fade into ether
Exhale

Fathomless sentiment
Lingers in the trenches
Of a vacuous chest cavity
Devouring what remains
This freezing flame
Beneath skin,
Seething mercury
The wordless ache
Contained in the belly's pit.

Those who fight,
Surrender
When memories of a tainted past
Collide with fear of the future
Finding themselves wishing
They were oblivious
To certain  things
If not everything
To obliterate that which
They are privy to
From their core
For their psyches
To be a blank slate
To be written
And re-written
By their own hand


" To author their own souls"