And on the days when your heart is a dying thing gasping its last breaths in your chest
And your hopes have flown away in a flock
Your dreams are far away, too far too crawl which all that can be managed
On the days that are right now
In this moment
Hold on baby, as the water pulls past you and tries to drag you with the flood
Hold tight to the tree post
Because the sun will come out
Because those hopes will fly back with colour in their wings
Because you'll stand on your once weary feet and chase those **** dreams
You'll come back to yourself sweetheart,
You're heart will shock start, it will beat, speed up in those happy moments, slow in the peace
You'll be ten times the girl you were,
You'll be the girl that carried mountains without being crushed

The ***** went down like honey
Soothing my aches and pains
It took me away from all the hurts
Like sunshine
Until it rains
Rain it did, as it scooped me up in fun and spat me out in delirious devastation
Sitting on pavement crying out for you
Speaking in tongues and silly riddles
Emptying my stomach over and over but never emptying my head of you
The reasoning 'I just want to feel better'
The reality, I have to reconcile this, I have to make peace with this
You're not coming back this time

She's the girl you'll meet for the first time at the second meeting
Again at the third
She's crazy at the first; beating out the syllables in breathless sentence
She's quiet at the second; not sure what to do with her hands
She's gentle at the third; talking of the moon, the sun, the way of the world
She's questioning who to be each time
She's questioning who she is and if that who will be accepted
She's a lost little fool within herself
But what's lost is always eventually found

I found myself exploring the darkest corners the other day
I had to answer these questions, how do I feel, what do you call this emotion and why do I feel this way.
The recesses answered me
I am unowned, unclaimed
I am not a responsibility of anyone, I am no longer her daughter, his daughter
No one will ever say 'she's mine' again
Or tell me of my first word, my baby memories
But the question is, what the **** have I really lost, if anything at all?

I turn myself inside out with the truths
They destroy with ease
It leads me to one thought every time
Full circle and I'm begging, I'm begging for mercy, I'm begging to be done with it
I don't have to feel this way, I don't have to hurt everyday
I don't have to be here, do this ****
I don't have to live with all this, I could have peace, I could have non existence
I come to these conclusions, all the pain could be gone, I, there could be no 'I'
And I beg
Please

Rejection is in my throat again but it doesn't taste the same, I guess now I'm conditioned so well to it I can swallow the ****** down like honey, tastes like normal
I let it haunt me
It's all mine, pumping through my system with all the subtlety of a machine gun, but it doesn't destroy like it used to, only a fraction
I welcome it as a reminder, stop now and back away, no one will ever make the promises or attachments to you, that you will to them
You are on your own little fool, don't kid yourself

Some days I think I'm going to be okay
Some weeks I can walk with my head high looking at the future, determined, with strong shoulders for all they carry alone
Some nights I break, God, I splinter and I pray, I pray so hard
To be done, let me die, let me find courage
Let me find that razor and make a clean cut on each arm
God, let me let go.
I just can't do this
I can't keep coming back to this place, where it's all in perspective and it's all clear and I know I have not a soul to hold me when it all goes wrong
Not a soul to know whether I'm alive or dead
Not a soul
Wherever I look there's people and they're family and there's love and belonging and family
All I hear in my head is how you don't need me and you don't want me calling
All I ask for is reprieve, all I ask for is for it all to be over
Please make it stop
Please make it better