Being told to make up my mind
Isn't the move
I don't know what's mine
I'm sure I'll learn soon

But who's to say
That this is how it needs to be
Things change everyday
I hope you can see

Although people don't notice
How I've been
I thought my tendencies were showing
Hanging out with my sins

But who's to say
What do I know
I'm told I'm insane
I'm just losing hope

In people, the world, myself
What's happened here
How far we fell
Yet we focus on our careers

Priorities have shifted a bit
Family should be first
And make sure you don't feel like ****
Just the basics for sure

I was told things would get better
As you get older
But I'm so worn and weathered
And I swear everyone's gotten colder

But who's to say
What do I know
I'm told I'm insane
I'm just losing hope

In people, the world, myself
What's happened here
How far we fell
Yet we focus on our careers

I can't think of a reason
That I'm still here
Maybe waiting for the season
Or maybe there's too much fear

Lets just sit here while
The world passes us by
Not usually my style
But better this than to die

I just feel empty
Inside and out
Just some can't see
Guess I'll just wander about

Just drifting off into a void
Looking for a way
Just a way to avoid
Every ******* body

Lets just sit here while
The world passes us by
Not usually my style
But better this than to die

Can't anyone see that I am dying
What more does it take?
It's not like I'm lying
But what are the stakes

Pour another and another
Until I can't remember
Why most don't bother
Probably should have had a mentor

Lets just sit here while
The world passes us by
Not usually my style
But better this than to die

The smoke has cleared
It’s worse than I feared
I don’t like what I see
If not smoke then line the drinks

Couldn’t tell you the last time
I remember everything clearly
Just being stuck in this downward line
The thought of sobriety scares me

I don’t like what I see
In sobriety I see me
I don’t like the world
Might as well call us the psych ward

I am a moving shell
That is just going
To burn in hell
That expression is showing

I deserve to be pleasant
Because I wasn’t with you
It was like I was on a depressant
So in the end I got *******

You must be happy to not have me
In your life anymore
I was one you would never see
Which made me completely sore

I am a moving shell
That is just going
To burn in hell
That expression is showing

What truly hurt me
Was that you never cared
Which I didn’t see
And info you never shared

But you just answered
Only when it was convenient
Your actions were just like cancer
“Facing my demons”

I am a moving shell
That is just going
To burn in hell
That expression is showing

Hello death, I know
It’s been a while
Since I’ve been this low
I was just a mere child

Now having aged
Life has only gotten worse
Trying to keep me caged
I only assume I am cursed

Where has the light gone
Where did the love go
This life I am not fond
20 years later and I have nothing to show

All I wanted was to have some to care
But only very few were there
Others would just stare
Sorry but that is all I can share

I want to be normal
Like I used to be
I no longer feel formal
Which most can see

I can’t stand these
Memories that are tainted
Those feelings ceased
And I might just faint

Someday. Someday.
I’m going to be over you
Someday. Someday.
I’ll be with someone new

I think I may just end it
Because life is ****
Nothing is ever good
Everything is never understood

I could stay
But who’s waiting
For me to say
Something, that’s just irritating

Someday. Someday.
I’m going to be over you
Someday. Someday.
I’ll be with someone new

I am numb
From all of the drugs
I had to give myself
Something you couldn’t do yourself

This sense is new
Felt by very few
I feel my body becoming numb
I must have been drugged

Maybe the alcohol contributes
Or maybe the pills
Yet the pain continues
Emptiness is what I try to fill

I am numb
From all of the drugs
I had to give myself
Something you couldn’t do yourself

I want to be sober
Which will happen
When you’re the one I get over
To get away from your traps

Why am I so helpless
Like why am I like this
My life is just a ******* mess
And I’m not sure if it’s one I can fix

The thoughts have been more often
Thoughts of it all just ending
But writing is here to soften
Me and that hand I told to be lending

How can these days be so hard
I do not understand
In life I guess I didn’t play the right card
Or maybe I was just dealt a terrible hand

I have never been more depressed
Than I am now at this moment
I tried to keep it suppressed
But I have decided to own up to it

I just was wanting to open up
To those who might care
Or those who might have has enough
And maybe all they to do is share

I’m just going on
Through life without you
Because we are done
What else can I do

I just would like comfort
At a time like this
They’ll just have give some effort
Friendship is what I truly miss

Who is reliable
Or even trustworthy
Most i know are deniable
I’m shown no mercy

I’m begging right now
Please help me

I can’t stop
The pain and I
Just want to be on top
But no reply

All that happens is a hug
And meaningless actions
Might as well be a shrug
I guess there was no taction

Why won’t the thought of you
Just get out of my head
Please you need to
Leave and go somewhere else instead

Who thinks I should post more?

Please help me
Those bad thoughts have come back
Those I can't unsee
Mentally I feel attacked

T'm drowning in depression
Try reaching for my hand
I'm sick of this exhaustion
I thought you might understand

I am gasping for just one breath
Regardless I still have no help
I guess I will confess
I am going to hell

Lots of thoughts
And even more shots
Just to drown the pain
Or just to sustain

A calm face
In a public place
Where I got some space
At my own pace

I may recover
From this but I
May not have a lover
The trust wasn’t applied

In honor of
Those we've lost
We look above
They were the cost

When we think about it
We're lucky to be alive
Alive for a bit
All we can do is survive

Life is hard
I know
The hardest part
Is letting go

Always joyful
Stay positive
Life's enjoyable
It is all so relative

Why did it hit so hard
You never cared
My heart fell apart
This left me scarred

To love again
Who can I trust
Definitely not a friend
There is no list

I am lost
Entirely
Love was the cost
Eternally

I know I have been gone
For a while
But I figured it's been long
Enough to bring back the style

The biggest reason
Is because I have my spark back
Maybe it's the season
But now I'm on the right track

It feels good to be back

There is one word
Love
It moves me forward
And above

I now know
What it's like to be loved
These feelings do show
So this is what they speak of

To be cared for
And to be perfectly fine
Even when you're sore
It's great to call you mine

I'm finally happy.

From when I wake
To when I rest
You are who I think
Is the best

I love you
And care for you're being
Although this is new
There is a spark I'm seeing

Are you aware
Of the feelings
I bare
And concealing

I can't get you
Off of my mind
This love is true
So please be kind

You are beautiful
In my eyes
In life you are full
With my love I try

You are so kind
I hope you know
I hope the path you find
With my love you bestow

I can't help these feelings
It's what my heart tells me
There is no more concealing
This love I want you to see

How was your day
Just answer me
Everything will be okay
That, you have to believe

I'm in pain
Don't you see
This wasn't meant in vain
I'm entirely in agony

I wish this could stop
But I know it won't
I will live on top
While you just don't

I'm getting better
With each little letter
That is written
This is why I fit in

I'm great now
Ever since we departed
I bet you're wondering how
All I did was finish what you started

I love you
But you drive me insane
Answering very few
Makes me feel faint

I love your smile
It's beautiful
As that's your style
Full of mind and soul

You're amazing
The way you help others
But on occasion
No answer will bother

Me to where
I wonder what happened
And stare
Until the gap

Is full of your love

You can't understand
What I go through
Do what you can
But I'm in love with you

I don't know
How you feel
But you should
How can you be real

These feelings
Are killing me slowly
Emotions are healing
I hope you think of me

I miss the days
We used used to speak
This I know shouldn't phase
No talking has left us weak

Even if it's my doing
I wish we could talk again
For the feelings
I had for you should've restrained

That familiar feeling you get
In your own being
Is when all you have is regret
Soon you find out what you're really feeling

The spark is there
I can feel it
My life I am willing to share
All you have to do is admit

Your feelings exist
Inside of your mind and heart
In which I insist
The relationship should start

After all of our conversations
It still isn't official
After all admirations
My heart is what you stole

I care for about you
As a person
The love is new
Not how it's always been

I'm glad you got here
When you did
I almost gave into my fears
All the way from when I was a kid

It was almost too late
But then I found you
Out by the gate
Of love like we always do

What is this feeling
Why is it so hard
You're just so appealing
And when we are apart

We may not be together
Although we don't talk
I wish we were forever
Until then I sulk

I am too shy
I wish we had a chance
Myself I should apply
Feelings should enhance

Everyone should stand tall
And proud with who you are
Because after all
Judgement doesn't go far

If you're laying there
Think to yourself
Why should you care
From the words of everyone else

It's to be key
That of which
I hope you all see
Negativity could be switched

I feel empty
Ever since
You left me
You're the one I miss

What went wrong
I honestly don't know
You're just gone
I guess I dragged you too low

I'm aching inside
You wouldn't know
No matter where I hide
It's where you go

She is killing me slowly
But love does that to you
She is so lovely
We've spoken very few

I just know
She is in my eyes perfect
I couldn't ever let her go
My heart is what has had an effect

Please give me a chance
I know I sound pathetic
You're feelings you could enhance
Give me a shot you won't regret it

In a dark crowd a light shines
Upon her skin
It reminds me
She is the one I can never win

The way she avoids contact
It makes me feel
Not entirely in tact
Sometimes I wonder if she's real

To get her attention
There has to be a way
Maybe get her permission
Someway to get her to stay

I hear nothing
Except for my heartbeat
There needs to be some explaining
Before this becomes my defeat

I will isolate my existence
See what I can do
I need something new
There needs to be some resistance

My soul is traveling through the dark
It will leave some marks
I've been to many places
They're a bunch of empty spaces

I'm testing myself
Pushing the limit
Seeing if I'm as good as everybody else
Just saying I'm going with it

Stop being absurd
I have a voice that needs to be heard
Not many think so
But I'm just gonna go

If you listen
What do you hear
Make the right decision
Just don't do it out of fear

One of these days
I will make it big
This is not just a phase
That would just be appalling

Deceitful looks
Are not what I look for
My is heart is what should be took
I look for more

Personality
How to laugh
Similarity
But I'm baffled

In politeness they live
Towards her I would strive
She needs to be real
Love is what I need to feel

As far as chances go they're infinite
But oblivion is definite
It's inevitable
I may stop it if I am able

I look into the sky
Wondering what lies beyond
Sometimes wanting to say goodbye
To everything I ever had a bond

Some say I'm creative
Some say I'm cool
Others say I'm evasive
Others say I'm a fool

So I ask
What am I
In arrogance they bask
For what they think I sigh

Around her
I feel normal
I feel better
When the day I dress formal

Hopefully we will be together
By the end of the day
If not then i'll make it last forever
Because I will just want her to stay

Don't ignore me
I know you're awake
Don't you see
For gods sake

I'm in love with you
Of which is new
To me in my life
So good to be my wife

For the rest of my life
I want you forever
In my life
We were meant for each other

The voices in my head
Try to change me
Some tears were shed
But they were too blind to see

What I was doing
I was plotting
Of ways for them to stop
My head was ready to pop

I don't want to be awake
All of this is fake
I think I'm asleep
But then I weep

When I know it's not a dream
I look up
Towards the stream
On top

It is all of the pain
It makes me go insane
Of what was made
All seems to fade

I can't stand it anymore
You are why I wake up
It feels like I can soar
My head might erupt

From all this joy
You bring to me
Every day is a new story
This is just what I see

What are you doing
It's killing me
I'm not moving
What can't you see

You are my love
And my life
I would have drove
Into the knife

If that's what it takes
For you to stay
Yes I know the stakes
I don't want you to go away

It's useless
Why keep going
It's a big mess
It's all unfolding

It's useless
I can't do this
Everything's gone to ****
Might as well quit

I see you
You're over there
We could start some something new
Love is something we share

Come over here
Come closer
You like me I hear
Sad that no one knows her

I think I love her
Everything around her is a blur
I do love her
Of which I am sure

I'm leaving tomorrow
What can you do
No need for sorrow
It's your fault too

I won't go back
You caused me to
Should've been on the right track
This life will be new

The most beautiful place has snow
Oh how I wish I could go
It can be inspirational
It gives some soul

How the white snow shines
Is the best of times
It gives some the shakes
To get past is all it takes

I love you
Please don't walk away
I need you
Can you please just stay

All I want is you
I know you want me to
Please just stay
Say what you need to say

Without you I'm nothing
I know we have something
Without you I can't sleep
I want you to keep

I love you
Please don't walk away
I need you
Can you please just stay

I miss your smile
I miss your face
It's been a while
I only have empty space

Can you please forgive me
Why don't you see
We were meant to be
You just have to trust me

Where are we now
You left me
I'm trying to figure out how
Was it me