We are married to the Earth in an endless dance,
Floating through the abyss of life,
Imagining adventures with the stars -
Using the universe as our stage.

Submerged in orchid, amber and incense
I let go of it all
Let it wrap around my body
Cleansing
Soothing
Liquid heat, purges
Makes new
Rosy skin
On fire
For you

I walked inside a room one day
and found a seat inside.
The walls and floors were bare and cold
no place for ghosts to hide.
And here I sat for many years
with daylight pouring in.
But I never bothered to step outside
for fear of the devils grin.
But in that fear I lost myself
and feeling seemed to fade.
Here now I wanted something more
than cynicism left to trade.
The chair became a guillotine,
the room a prison cell.
I want to escape from feeling void,
a vacant shallow hell.
But the door, again it opened wide
and there a figure stood
smiling with the daylight gleam
and I finally understood.
I'll never fully leave the room I made
and the ghosts will always prey
but if I can let someone step inside
they can chase away the grey...


*...and you have done an amazing job so far my dusk...

He is made up entirely of perfection
The boy who without any flaws, they called him.
With as much heart as soul, as much soul as mind, and as much mind as strength.
The way he carried himself was perfection.
Steady, step-by-step, looking neither down at his feet or up at the sky
Nor straight ahead
But perfectly in front of him with attentive eyes that didn't search the crowd.
He sat when he needed to, stood when he needed to,
And knelt down only to God.
Each word he used on paper or in voice was riddled with kindness and honesty, and deliberation
As if he had dedicated his whole life to finding that word, to use it in such a way
As to share it with you in that moment.
Truly he spent his time thinking about words and meanings,
So that each word he spoke and thought had meaning
Nobody knew that he was lonely, and the words were to him more than words
But a way to describe, but a code, but a message in a bottle
With limited time to speak and ears to hear,
Words chosen perfectly for each occasion to introduce himself
To perhaps his soul mate.
But he was made of perfection, whose soul-mate didn't exist
Whose soul-mate was too imperfect to tell him she heard him when he said
In his backwards code
That he was in love with the sky and the sun, the moon and the stars
And wanted nothing more than someone to walk with at night.

They bought me a cake
Sang to me softly
happy birthday Rachel!
I gave them a smile,
A show of sorts
And then turned my head slowly and
My lips fell and so did a
Tear.
They kept singing
Taking pictures and I pretended to laugh
Even though the smile I had on was
Fake.
I sighed and blew out my candles
I'm still not sure what I really wished for.
Death, David Tennant, or just someone to
Save me in general.
But to be honest,
I just want to be happy again.

Sometimes late at night when I can't sleep, which is more often than I can, I daydream about princes and flowers, shiny things and comfort. I over complicate things that have simple explanations, and brush off things that need my utmost attention. I think about rain and snow that I never see, and dream about dust blowing at my face and the feeling of concrete sun burning my feet at noon. I think about all the moments of the day I forget about, like walking to class and shading my eyes from the sky, and I remember how beautiful it is. And I wonder why I lay awake in my bed thinking about princes and flowers and shiny things when I have the sun at my back, the grass between my toes and the world at my fingertips.

I am so full of rage
and disappointment
because I can't figure out
why I am never good enough for myself.

to take a swim


but keeping time





has sunken in

Cold between my lips
Warm inhale, heated exhale.

Clicking fingers to create fire.
Burning scent, sweet and complimentary.

Elegant smoke, pouring from the mouth.
White, thick, warm, alive.

It makes life bearable when I'm without you.
The sense of lifelessness, but of life.
My body is just a vessel
for the music and the visions I see.
I'm in the clouds, above the pain
Behind the wounds
Across from the aches.
Away from the life I am a part of.

I see what I desire, and yet
I cannot have it yet.

So I sit here
And I create an escape for myself.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
And all the pain slips away.

There are infinite stars
And infinite wishes
That I mouth in my restless sleep
There are millions of words
That I wanted to say
But I conceal every peep.

There are billions of people
With billions of thoughts
It what seems like billions of hours a day.
Millions of miles
And infinite wishes
*Why is he so far away?