how do you hold onto me
how am i your rock if my edges can be so rough they bite into your skin
you give me so much love it pours over the sides
and i take what i need and the rest is wasted
but you still keep pouring
my heart is like a stomach in the way it expands
slowly
i am learning to love
you have shown me that there are people in this world that will touch you so deep
people who will love you knowing that there is light for them at the end
understanding that there is dirt and dust and boulders that could be in the way
blindly loving
with no promises

my tongue bites
my face, my voice, cold with carelessness
we speak with savagery on our tongues,
the taste of reckless entitlement
you think we are the same

but behind this cold mask
i am warm, kind
and completely touchable

i am conflicted..
am i the prey that you can sink your teeth into in the end?
or am i the acclaimed innocence?

i have blood on my hands,
i want to see men like you crumble
i find you, i make myself the victim
then i tear into your skin

am i a sheep in wolves clothing?
or am i a killer of killers?

you wake up
his hair is spilled across the pillow,
the sun slants across his cheekbone
and his breath is slow and even.
he smells like an open field
and his body is wrapped around yours
so he keeps you warm.
you think,
there is no moment better than this,
that he is too perfect to exist.
but you wake up gasping,
skin soaked in sweat.
you lie there for a long time,
in your completely empty bed.

Take a break, because life is long
But nothing’s as bad as it seems,
When the reality around you’s all gone wrong
And the night just brings bad dreams.

As endless as life seems to be
Know nothing lasts forever
If not for you, there’d be no me
When my tomorrows turn to never

I don’t care who you are to me
If we’re strangers or we’re friends
My love’s for all humanity
And tomorrow never ends…

when im alone
i clean the house.

i spend hours scrubbing the white counter tops i just put in
with a lemon scented wipe

i lay on the sofa in the sun

i am full of pride

and then i let them in.
i'm selective,

but why do i let in the ones with the dirtiest shoes?
why do i let them mock the white cabinets and replace them with black?

its not like i dont have options
there are people who will take off their shoes and leave them outside,
people who promise to keep my house clean

i am a terrible decision maker. and at the end of the day when im alone again i must go back to cleaning

its a vicious cycle

there's nothing wrong
my heart is beating normally
my body isn't heavy
i feel normal, fine even- which is where i'm confused
there is something wrong
but i cant find the source