I wonder if it was you that was afraid
of the light
Or the light in you has completely faded
You chose chaos amongst the fight
And the fields of fire you've created
Still echoes every night
For all the lives you have taken


I wonder if it was you who ran away from us
Or the demons you secretly fed
Finally have taken you over
They misguided you from the right path
And you were so **** grateful


I'm not sure if I want to save you now
You went too far with your vengeance
That pit is no friend of mine
And you don't crave for salvation

I don't know if it's worth my time at all
Searching for a way to bring you back
You never leave a track
And I'm no hunter to be honest


Every tear that I have shed
Shredded the cosmic ocean
Every memory from the time we met
To our last became a wound
I should've treated with care


Tell me, do you still carry the love
You stole as a bittersweet memento
from our once joyful times?
Or you throw it away to vanquish
Your so-called enemies
Who were your family?


At last
I hope it left a savour taste
In your mouth, and I hope my face
To be the only thing you would
Never erase from your mind

That much you owe me,
Don't pretend that you forget
Because you can't compensate
For all mistakes you have made


And when everything come to an end,
I know, my name will drive you insane
The fields are now greener
I won't let them vanish again
And the rivers continue to flow,
Down to its destinations
The mountains flourish with life again
I've never seen them so lively
The vast skies are clearer than before
Not a single trace left of malice
And the sun is shining brighter,
You would've seen, if you only tried harder


If you weren't so blind and greedy for power
Then maybe you would've survived
And spared me the sorrow

Alas,
I wish the love you had for us
Broke through those walls
And reached you out sooner
Because the next time
We gaze into each others' eyes
Only one of us shall survive

30.10.2024

First -
I was dreaming of an earth
on a unwordly place,
so far, far away,
somewhere in this endless star space
With my eyes half-open and
a soul far from so called "grace",
but rather living with a hex.
My body was covered with
armor of a molten mace,
And in my hand I was holding a silver axe
Crimson wax I had on my face,
Thought, I have killed a whole ******* race
But it must have been a mirage or
my mind washed my memory away.
Dunno what else I should say...

Second -
I was there -
in a middle of a golden meadow,
with dress made of silver silk,
so long that almost it reached my bare feet.
I was early in my twenty of years old,
What would've think my pagan gods
about being so reckless and so lost,
unless they've made me believe in this?
It must have been in the middle of the night,
On a silver full-moon.
Gone girl
Alone, in the dark,
who was walking amongst the fields,
waking up the demons who have been left to sleep
putting to sleep the angels who have been hidden
behind the nearly golden trees
Was singing about magical places,
calling out for the fairies to come back,
calling the bears to wake up,
waiting for the wolves to show up...
Lit a fire for them and for me,
put my gown on the greeny ground
and laid down
Thought still I was an innocent girl
But the one who has denied to be the only one
who could've saved godless faces  who sold her
In exchange of their filthy miserable lives.
But where are they now?
They ended up drowning in the burning waves of chaos.

Third -
It must have been so long time ago
when I was a queen of the Muldorogk
With a kingdom and a beautiful land
created by those whose faith & power
reached levels far beyond and distant
to those of the human, unimaginable mind.
I ruled and I served as one goddess to another ones,
Living in peace and in wars  
My people were a fighters,
a true warriors I would say,
they chose me to lead them through
the stone sun just to reach out the brightest moon...

/ The wound /

Nobody's home
Room silent remains
A deep wound on the body bleeds
Which will eventually leads soon to an end
Memory of an ivory holding the mind
Still awake
And then she'll hear the man's mourn

"I have told you this before, you know... " -
I spoke, "Sing to me the song of Calimir,
just like the times where we were
dancing among the trees"
And so he did
His hands for a last time the harp embraced
His voice quietly was signing and so
My soul was dreaming of...
And the eyes I hardly kept open
Now are closed

And then suddenly he stopped
"Don't be afraid. I was just listening
And wandering through
the places we have been to." - I said,
holding tight his hand
"Please, sing it again, my friend
I want to know where he went
After he lose his faith" - then added
The man's smile was a gift I gladly took
His eyes I quietly look
"I shall sing as long as you can hear,
As long as you're here with me, my dear.
I shall never let our memories disappear
In Lethean,
I shall play for you as long as you're near." -
then he told me with a single tear on his eyes.
"I shall no die yet,
It's just a wound of a spear"- I said
"Now sing me the song again
And do not stop even when I close my eyes
I shall listen. For you I shall be awake,
For you I shall live"
And so he did
He singed while playing on the harp's strings...

Pastel fingers were shaping circles
On the white porcelain wall,
depitcting with them moments incoming and gone
Palms - foreign and unknown are imaging
Otherworldy shores on her.
Ah, you, pagan gods,
hardly will ever get see her star ices
You will never hear the songs,
telling about the colors of her body.

Pastel eyes saw
in her other distant worlds,
while his hands were drawing
in these circles:
waterfalls and around them
low with flower meadows,
and deers passing by through,
high-light palette of feelings by the sun warmth...
Was him an artist without a name,
Or a colourfull writer?
Or completely destroyed by the smell
of the peonies blossomed in her, dreamer?

Keep your catty heart
in the cold chest of yours.
Wipe out the tears made of iron.
With an ivory on the wall
carve my name - if you can,
inbuilt it, if you can, with a piece
of an fading memory.
Throw it away, if you can,
in the traces of the ocean waves.
Ghost of an caged memory in an amber.
The time can not touch it.
The ocean can not wash it away.
He is left to sleep in an sandglass long time ago.

A catty heart -
cold hands on the wall.
Eyes - gazing in the wistful silence
Thoughts - drown in the ocean
Knees - on the floor they're leaning
Heart - left to burn in the fire,
In the blue flames
Tears of molten iron
With an ivory my name on the wall has been carved,
to remind has been left
In the traces of the ocean waves his mind is wandering
in an sandglass

Cover my body with a sheets made of silk
Imagine me walking amongst the daffodils
Under  a silver moon light
Lie there and watch
Hear the wolf's howling
Watch me coming to you and ask
"Shall we sleep or shall we sing
Or we shall weep for those whom are
no longer here? "
You said nothing, my dear.

You took my hand and quietly said
"I'll play for you the song you've always wanted to hear."
The man was holding his harp next to his chest and quietly his fingers the strings  embraced. He closed his eyes and played.
"What a beautiful song, I have never listened" - I said, "That it made me forget.. that I should let the man with the harp go away."



"Wake up, wake up!" - the man said, holding my hand.
I heard his voice in my head:
"It's just a dream."
"What a sad dream... " - I though,
"Such a sad poem I wrote",
"What a distant memory of a melody..."