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3.5k · May 2017
Up To The Last Cigarette
moonllax May 2017
First stick, in the morning
Telling myself that you can do this thing
Still not yet convinced, second stick
Telling myself that It's not worth it, flick
Third stick, saying I don't give a ****
Breathe, breathe
It's hard to breathe
Fourth stick, telling myself that
I deserve someone better
Fifth stick, I'm so fed up with everything
Sixth stick, do I want her back?
yes? no? I dont know what to act
Seventh stick, why am I like this?
I don't understand, trying to make sense of this
Eight stick, do you still think of me?
Lungs intoxicated, staying alive as long as I can
Let me breathe normally once again
909 · Sep 2018
Depression
moonllax Sep 2018
i woke up sad,
wondering when will i be glad?
i saw a blade,
i cut, hoping scars will fade,

i wish i could be happy,
but i feel so ugly,
having depression is not fine,
people seeing your scars feels like
you've committed a crime,

people asking if im okay,
of course i will smile and say im okay,
people trying to help me,
******* sake, stop pretending, oh gee

i am smoking and cutting,
hoping one day i would be dying,
everytime i close my eyes,
hoping sadness flies,

i feel so alone,
all i do is frown,
everyone left,
save me from my self;
WARNING: TRIGGERING !!!!
i made this poem years ago.
689 · May 2017
Mixed Signals
moonllax May 2017
you said i love you first
yes, i did believe you
i thought you were the one
but we fought, leaving me in dilemma
after a month, i said i love you
you said it back, i said i miss you
you said it back
after a few days
i asked you if you still love me
you said i don't know
little did i know that
it would change my feelings for sure
467 · Nov 2022
Grasp
moonllax Nov 2022
It's been 5 years
Every time I think about you, I still feel the same
I've been stuck
How could I let you have this kind of power over me?
It's so weird to think that you'll still come back for me
Have you changed?
Have you learned?
Have you grown?
Maybe not
I will no longer let you take more years from me
You no longer have power over me
Letting you go means taking back my power
So I'm letting you go, and I am releasing my grasp over you
It's time to choose me.
343 · Nov 2022
Oxygen
moonllax Nov 2022
my love for you runs deep as the ocean
but it's dragging me down, sinking me further
I can't breathe, gasping for air
pull me above
find solace in letting go
ascending to the surface
oxygen, oh, freedom
where have you been
I've been looking for you
it's within me all along
324 · May 2019
Bleakness
moonllax May 2019
I am here all alone in the dark
Writing this poem; hoping idea would spark
A person full of worries
I hope I could gather and bury these ideas
I am here right now, weary  

Can't seem to find the right answer
To all these query and wonder
Am I too much?
Or is it because I decide in clutch

In this sad corner
All I want is to turn my thoughts in ******
**** the sadness and worries
Stop the thinking and cries

Why am I always thinking that I am not enough
To hide that feeling, will I just go on with a laugh?
Am I a joke? Am I funny?

Please stop, it's making me feel ******
All I want is to be loved and valued
So please take care of me
252 · May 2019
Reckless love
moonllax May 2019
I want to hold you in my arms
Thinking about you feels like ive set an alarm
Are you dangerous?
Or are you precious?
Youre the epitome of both
But it feels like loving you is a fault
The cracks of my love puts me on the horizon
Your precious smile
Put me in danger
Oh i wish i could be with you forever
I miss you.

— The End —