What does it take
For a man to bury his dreams
Behind the garage with his gone pets?

Was it responsibility and maturity
To know that the dreams of a child
Weren't obtainable for a man anymore?

Was it because too many people
Said it couldn't be done
The doubt that seeded in
Just added up to lost time
And now there just wasn't enough time?

What does it take
For a man to finally bury his dreams?
Shovel in hand, a cigarette rests in his lips
As he says goodbye
To the dreams he had as a child

So sensitive
And sentimental
You touch my heart
With all that you are

I once felt hopeless
The way you look at me
Leaves me breathless

As I write this
I understand
That no words can give justice
To what is happening between us right now

As a man of words
You leave me speechless
And yet our connection says more than any that have come before

I realize now that I have been lost for years
And I finally feel like I have found my way back home
Your light guided me to somewhere safe
A place I can call my own

Whatever fire I've walked through
Which led me to this
This point in time and place
To you
Was more than worth it
You were the passion I've been searching for

When everything hurts and you're broken inside
Where do you run
When there's nowhere to hide?
Who do you call when you can't even talk?
The tears mumble up your words
The judge and jury
Of your broken hopes and dreams
Have found you guilty of being human
Worn and weary
Your soul is tired of fighting
Your eyes are tired of crying
The reality of what has been lost is horrifying
Inside, broken dreams linger
Where will you go to pick up the pieces?
Will you ever forgive yourself?

I knew when I met you
You weren't going to be
Instant gratification
Even though I knew how I felt
Instantly

You were an investment
Someone worth my patience
And understanding

I was told
At a young age
Anything worth having
Is worth fighting for

I respect that statement

But the fighting for
Is sometimes with yourself

You have to fight with yourself
To know if you want it
If it's worth it
And sometimes
Wait for it

Patience is a battle we all fight
In a world (America)
That wants instant gratification

From the start to the finish
You are my prize
That I will race to achieve

Together,
We can be thankful
That we didn't give up on each other

Insomnia
I'm not sure
Are we friends?
Or enemies?
I prefer the nighttime
It's quiet and peaceful
The calmness alone is beautiful
For that, Insomnia
I thank you
For all of the times I needed to be asleep however
But didn't even know where to begin
I struggle with you
Laying in bed
Wide awake
Bombarded with thoughts
To a point where my body is so exhausted
Yet my brain is running laps
It's a love-hate relationship I have with you Insomnia
Can I catch a break?

Life is a trudging beast that isn't going to stop
For you or for anyone
It will go on and on
As the world turns
With or without you
So it's best to move on when you can
In the hopes that maybe you can catch up
And start living again

I sold my soul
For a parking space
Mama told me not to
But I let it slip away

She died
Of the broken heart I gave her
Because I stopped calling
I stopped loving her

My love was for money
The quest to acquire
More
I live in a sea of amenities
Endless luxury and toys
But I don't know what fun is anymore

I climbed the stairs of success
Stepping on backs as I went
Leaving friends behind
Never looking back
I traded my best friend in
For a Lamborghini

Trophy wife
But I sleep with my secretary
Because she doesn't ask questions
Trophy children
But I've missed most of their birthdays
All they care about is money too
The shadow I cast shrouds their innocence
And one day
They will be me

I sold my soul for a parking space

The path of destruction
Left in your wake
Torn between love and being alone
Never settled, never atoned
The cycle will continue to go on and on
You smile but internally you frown
Your addiction has turned to attention
You take for granted affection
A real love fell into your lap
But in your broken form
You deemed yourself unworthy and undeserving
Your sadness and emptiness continues to spread
On your path of destruction
There is no end

Maybe one day things will get better for you
And I hope they will
I hope you find something real
I hope you find a way to heal

My greatest strength
Was that you underestimated me
You left your guard down
And I came in with my all
You forgot
The bigger you are
The harder you fall

It is said that only fools rush in
To that, I must disagree
A magnetic attraction
Trying to fight it
Is like trying to deny
Mother Nature's raw power
Sometimes it just feels right
Because it is right
Saying only fools rush in is wrong
Only fools rush out

What you're asking me now
Is to go and forget
Act like it didn't happen

Don't be hurt
Don't be sad
Don't be heartbroken
Don't be mad

We tried but it didn't work
I can forgive
But wanting me to forget
Makes me ask
How?

Walk out of my life
Without a second glance
From the beginning
Was there ever really a chance?

You toyed with my heart
I was an experiment
It wasn't love for you
I was just convenience

The things you said
Whether true or not
Made me feel terrible
Shutting me out
Trying to talk to you
Heard but not understood
I too
Was not seeing what I saw
Trying to make it work with you
Was as productive
As banging my head on the wall
A combat veteran
Of a war wished not fought
Creating a family with you
Was something not bought
With money
Love
Patience
Or virtue
Our love was untrue

This day has been rough
I'm spent and my reserves are burned
After all of the hard work
The pain
The grind
The time
Keep pushing ahead to get there
Figurative haymakers thrown
Untouchable to get the job done
But burnt
Spent
Overlent
Taken to the limit
Finding out what you're made of
Being surprised but impressed
No matter the task at hand
Or tribulation overcome
At the end of the day
Knowing when a someone thinks of you
They think of love
To feel appreciated  
For being you
Will make breaking through any obstacle
Wonderful

You wanted more
Even when you had it all
Your greed made you ungrateful
And you took your blessings for granted

You pushed your friends and family away
Replacing them instead with temporary friendships
Knowing they would never last
You made your relationships disposable
And tossed lovers aside

When you were told to get help
You couldn't swallow your pride
You didn't even go home when your mother died

You felt guilty because you knew she was sick
But couldn't find the time to call or visit
Because your schedule didn't allow it
You didn't try to make amends
You blamed everyone else

The last thing you took for granted was your health
By the time it was fleeting
You had no support left to give you strength
All you had left was your wealth
Everyone else had moved on
And already considered you gone

Even though you had it all
You tossed it aside
All alone is how you died

Tomorrow will come
And the day will be yours
A new day to begin again

With yesterday behind you
The future is wide open and young
It is yours to explore

Your day will come
With open arms to welcome and embrace your soul

The future is your kingdom
And your heart is your throne

Your day will come
You will finally find your way back home

Sitting up late at night
Alone with my thoughts
Reflection mainly with a little bit of self torture
Taking responsibility for the mistakes I've made
Things I'd said that hurt others
Being inconsiderate of someone's heart

It wasn't just the bumps in the night that kept me awake
It was everything that I felt regret for
The walls I had built had started to break

Seeds of regret had been ignored for too long
Allowed to grow into inner demons
That robbed me of sleep
Stolen from me my inner peace

Sitting up late at night
Every night wondering
Will I ever fall asleep peaceably?
Will I ever be free
Of the demons that rob me?

So used to, I am now
Of carrying these burdens and this baggage with me
I wonder if I would ever know how to act
Without them breaking down my back

A sad world we live in
That just being a man
Can break you and keep you from something as natural as sleep
The wrongs we've committed and the regrets that we keep
Never forgotten but maybe forgiven
One day

Until then
I will sit up late at night
Spending time with a demon named regret

If I opened my soul
for you to see
Would you still want me?

If I needed a hug
when I was down
Would you turn my frown upside-down?

If I needed a romantic embrace
could I steal a kiss
Would you be mine to miss?

If I needed reassured
would you hold my hand?
Would you help me be a better man?

If I needed to not walk
on this earth alone
Would you give me a place in your heart to call my own?

Would you be mine
after listening to these words I've told
With you by my side
I have no fear of growing old

When the future is yours
And tomorrow is full
Life's pains and realities
Are still left untold

The intensity of happiness
Blinds us to the dangers
That tomorrow may never come

Our existence is but a flash
In the realm of eternity
But those you've touched
Will always remember

Not a day will go by
For the young or the old
You will never be forgotten
But always missed

Sobriety was easy
When I was broke
When I had money
It became a joke

Fighting my own battles
Living my own personal hell
All the while trying not to hit the bottom
By hitting the bottle
Every sip and drink became a punishment
For all past wrongs wronged
Self forgiveness is for what I longed

The sadness and loneliness was quite unbearable at times
How many wake-up calls would I get?
How many wake ups did I have left?
The best had yet to come and I was squandering it

Drinking my sorrows away at the bottle of a bottle
Was doing nothing but creating more problems
I couldn't fight it

What was done is done
I was no longer forever young
It was time to make things right
This is why I write

Can I count on you be my friend?
To stay and hold my hand
Till the bitter end?

Will you stay through the tough times
When the days are short
The long night comes
As we wait for the light to come back
Will you stand by my side?

Will you help me fight off my demons
And protect me from my sorrows?
Will you teach me to smile again
When I've forgotten how?

Will you love me still
When I'm not being very lovable
Think I'm cute
When I'm just a mess
Be close  
No matter how many miles?

Can I count on you to be my friend?

Come Woman
If you'll let me
I'll show you the world
What it means to be happy
The things dreams are made of
Turning fantasy into reality
Fighting demons together
Burying the past
Creating something
Built to last
Setting the bar higher
And changing the standard
For others to emulate
Showing you what it means to be pampered
Come Woman
If you'll let me
I'll show you the world
What it means to be happy
Staying young forever
Something that cannot die
Your quench I quest to satisfy

The innocence in your eyes
Freedom in your laugh
Your smile makes me forget
The troubles
The pain
The sorrow
You feel like one of my oldest friends
Yet you're probably the youngest
I know we rock to the same beat
And when I'm with you
Our jam is always playing
Two old souls met again
On this plane of existence
Across time and space
Through the ages
Against colossal odds
Against societal norms
A connection that cannot be broken
Forever
Always
You, I love innocently

No matter how stressed out
Or wound up
Or defeated the day, week, month, or year
Has made me feel
I'm always ready for someone to say the right thing
And that could always be as simple as *"Hello"

Nine months of wanting to be somewhere else
A quest and yearning for home
A countdown of days
Waiting and waiting
Surviving and avoiding death
Every day that passes
A little bit closer to home
Knowing my son is growing in my absence
Wondering if I will see him again
Will he grow up like me?
Without a dad?

Finally home
But things don't feel the same
Like looking through a stained glass window
Familiar faces
Familiar places
But distorted and untrue
Home doesn't feel like home anymore
I feel out of place
And don't know what to do

People ask me if I'm fine
But I lie through a feigned smile
I realize I can't relate to anyone anymore
And especially
That they can't relate to me at all

I am alone
Surrounded by the people that love me

People thank me for my service
But I feel guilty for surviving
When others didn't

There were times
When I was young
I believed in magic
In superheroes
Santa Claus
A fine line between
Right and wrong
Summer vacation
Seemed to last forever
But never too long
Now
As an adult and a man
My idea of what magic is
Has changed entirely
Even more special now
Than through the eyes of a child
I believe in possibilities
I call it magic
When I touch someone's heart
When I see a baby smile
An old couple holding hands
My son hugging me
Magic exists
It is everything that is beautiful in the world

How many sleepless nights were spent
Trying to avoid the demons that come with the night?
Bringing with them
Memories of failures and past loves
Calamity and death
Not allowing peace
For that much needed sleep

How many days were spent
Stuck in bed because dealing with the world
Didn't make any sense?
Fearful of dealing with anything
Even nothing seemed like too much

Walking through life
Like a zombie with no direction
Sense of purpose lost
When the carpet was pulled out
From under your feet

And your world came crashing down

That is why the demons haunt you
You blame yourself and are broken
Not knowing how to stand again
Because you can't tell where you belong anymore
Feeling alone more than ever

Just needing a friend to help you fight the demons
Someone to help remind you how to smile

The people that make themselves the most available
Will find themselves being the first to be taken for granted
Make them fight and win your time
Because life is short and time is valuable
If your time isn't valuable to them
Say goodbye and shut the door
There is someone else who will savor every moment

Many things push us
To a point
Where we feel
We are losing our mind
It's just a matter of knowing when to grow
And submerge yourself in a cocoon

To protect and grow yourself
Through hell or earthly troubles
Never forget that happiness also
Pushes us to change and adapt

Love teaches us to look closer
Betrayal teaches us to be more skeptical
But somewhere in the middle
We can be reasonable people

I've felt before that I was losing my mind
No one can take that from me but myself

Sometimes there's nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
How can you explain
That what you're trying to get away from is yourself?
When you can't catch a break
From disappointing yourself
Unmeetable expectations
Even though it's as simple as
Just letting things be
Deep inside
The feeling won't die
Never good enough or deserving
When happiness is so close
A hand smacked as you reach for it
No
It's not yours to have
Look but don't touch
I need saved
From myself

As I was adding the last few pieces
Of putting myself back together
After being broken so many times before
You broke me again

What doesn't **** you makes you stronger is *******

It makes us resentful
Hateful
Skeptical
Overprotective
Afraid

It kills our innocence piece by piece
Until we are finally dead inside
Incapable of loving or caring
A burnt out shell of the person you once were
No longer yourself

Each time you speak to me
You have an opportunity
To lift me up or knock me down
To show me love or show me harm

Baby, you **** me
When you're angry and mad
Your pain you spread like a wildfire out of control
I keep getting burned
But I can't turn away from your fire

But baby, you lift me up
And inspire me to live and to love
When your heart is right and you're feeling nice
When your looks you give are of love and not vice
It is in my nature, for you I desire

No path will ever be easy when it comes to loving you
Because your fire burns brightly
And it cannot be contained
I am drawn to it like a moth to the flame

I am learning to play with the fire
I respect it because it is beautiful and powerful
Such is the beauty of your beast
My tolerance for the burn will ever increase

Tough exterior
Tore apart
Piece by piece
From the inside out
Knowing the fight
Was a losing battle
Too stubborn to quit
Hope was the last hope
Never giving up
Headstrong against the odds
Purely out of spite

Sometimes
Everything you say
Feels like a cliche
No new things to say
No new places to explore
How much worth
On what has been done before

It feels like small talk
Memorized and rehearsed
An endless curse
Over and over
Until the words
Don't even have any meaning
Saying nothing but screaming

The worst habit to have
Is not being yourself
Trying to fit
A cookie-cutter mold
Always doing what you're told
A forever quest to be
Accepted and respected

The world doesn't have any sympathy for you
Because your problems aren't unique

The only thing unique about you is
You

Karma isn't always quick to act
Sometimes it takes months, even years
To fully come into effect
Sometimes, it waits until you're on your deathbed
And it will come in the form of regret
Reminding you of all of the hurt and pain you've caused

So think twice before you burn bridges
And bite your tongue before you say mean things
Be nice and good and fair
And that comes around full circle as well
Sometimes, it takes a while
But good things do come to those who wait

This stitch in time
Will one day only be a memory
Eventually to be lost
To forever's eternity

The pain and sadness
Happiness and bliss
Fades away and dies
Forgotten to time's abyss

Make the moments count
Even if they will fade away
You may not get a second chance
You may not live to live another day

I'm a survivor
A lover
And a fighter
Fight to survive
Fight to love
Love to survive
Never saying never
In the moment
Into forever
Recognizing the positive
Out of a sea of hurt
The opportunities that are handed
Not taking anything for granted
Beginning till end
Born from and back into
Mother Earth

You fell under the bus
Harsh realities grabbed you
To the point of not being able to escape
You dealt with it
By not dealing with it

Your doc gave you medicine
To shut it up
Make you feel better
Why be stressed
When everything just feels good?

You got stuck with your children
And were but a child yourself
You had always dreamed of something perfect
But reality taught you something different

Responsibilities broke your back and mind
The pills you popped made it tolerable
But we ran rampant
We learned life's lessons without you

I know you did what you had to do
Or what you were told to do
We all need an escape sometimes
But you escaped your responsibility

We are still here
And not in too bad of shape
You did something right
I thank you for that

You taught me about respect
But I also learned about pain
I learned to also do the opposite
And never let myself be broken

This is a poem I will never read to you, mother
I judge you but I also forgive you

I cannot even imagine
But I've never stopped trying to

We grew up there
Until the streetlights came on
We kept going

Mothers calling us for dinner
Avoiding the call
Until they found us
Because we were never far

Unless we were on our bikes
Only around the block
We agreed to that
But lied

Getting grounded to the house
Looking out and watching
Hoping and waiting
Until our sad faces
Reminded our parents
We were just kids
And they gave us our freedom back  

Outside
Alive

Running
Definitely screaming
A lot
Laughing about dumb stuff
But that was the best, yes?

Feeling invincible
Time seemed endless

The bonds we made then
Will last forever
We carved our initials into trees
And concrete

Threw rocks
Broken windows
Crashed bikes
Comic books
Baseball cards
Chased girls
Walked to school
Ice cream

The foundation I was built upon
Seems unreal anymore
A distant dream

Seal off all the bad memories
Push them aside
And forget the loneliness
That kept you locked away

Feeling what it felt like
When sunshine touched you after so long
And you felt warm again

After letting yourself feel once more
Staying headstrong and moving forward
Never giving credence
To the pain that bound you before

Letting your past self die
So you can be born again anew

The next time dark clouds emerge again
And begin to darken your day
The beast within you will defeat the beasts
That carry doubt on their backs
Because you took all their power away
The day you understood your own strength

All you can do now is keep moving forward
Never stopping to look back

It was subtle
But I noticed
The way you lightly touched my lips
When you grabbed the cigarette out of my mouth
It was a small yet huge gesture
Not to be easily forgotten
Really
The whole experience seemed unreal
You were the pinch I needed
To realize I wasn't dreaming
Sometimes when good things happen
It's hard to believe it's true
Thanks for reminding me
It's not always a bad thing to be me
Especially since I met you

Just about as stubborn
As she is beautiful
Her soul is old
Like mine
And that is fine