you’re the reason i eat burnt toast in the morning
drink cold coffee
and forget to tie my shoes

i was so excited
to start something new
then you took my heart
and turned it back to blue

rain rain
stay with me
you bring joy
and all great things
if you go
i’ll be sad
and wonder why i feel this bad

blue as the ocean
from the inside out
it’s hurts so bad
to try and love myself
i’ve gotten used to being sad
with tear filled eyes
i’m starting to appreciate
how it turns them to a
gentle shade of blue

now i lay me down to sleep
i pray the lord, my thoughts to keep
my anxious mind
runs through the night
i don’t know if i
can stay this time

i look for myself in people constantly
i direct my image outside and wonder why i keep leaving places empty handed
i am enough
so why do my lips ache to say your name
how do my hands fit so perfectly around your waist but when i come home and lay in bed alone i’m left with nothing but moments
i’m exhausting my love in places that cannot be accepted so when i look in the mirror i see nothing but a person searching for someone to hold

just let me catch my breath
it’s been 22 years and i haven’t been able to keep down a morning breakfast yet
it’s been so long,
i now address you as my friend but please anxiety, stop following me to bed
a lullaby of all our mistakes
the morning birds scream in my face
can i just have one day to myself?
free of anxiety and everything else

let’s go back to the night we were torn from each other
let’s follow the signs the universe showed us to avoid such depressing events
i think back to that time and know how our love could have survived if we weren’t so young and reckless
as i mature and grow, i’ve learned it wasn’t our fault
our love was pure but the world could never accept us, and sometimes still won’t
so when i dream of you and i, do you see me in yours too?
i still have my dreamcatcher we shared
and it’s always latching on to you…

how embarrassing it is to have feelings
i don’t want them anymore
take them away
leave me beside
there’s no room left
in my jumbled up life
so take my thoughts,
my feelings,
my pride,
and leave me alone
with you in my mind

you’re my 6am
and evening thoughts
no matter my plans
it’s you i want
so let’s slip away
behind closed doors
say my name
and i’ll be yours

when August came….
you expected gentle freckles
and sweet lemonade,
the morning solstice
and warm summer days

but August came,
and August went,
she brought you pain
and a heart to mend

it all makes sense now
did i not see it from the beginning?
how could it have been love
when my pen and paper always ended up empty…

light as a feather
i’m in your sweater
feeling under the weather
i wish i was better
but love can’t be measured
and the rest is forever

i break my own heart
texting you back
i know you don’t want me
but look where i’m at
baby i’m so lonely
and besides
you always reply back

we exchange glances across the room
i still remember the first time i met you
even though it was just three months ago
and we’ve only hung out three times
still i just want you to be my girlfriend
because i heard third times the charm

i’m sorry i left you behind
i must have lost my mind
you’ve been my only friend
when my world comes to an end
my hand drifts towards a pen
and i rewrite my life again
i never know where to begin
but i always find myself, writing again

the drop of my stomach
the ache in my heart
unexpected words leave me feeling worlds apart
i ask myself questions i can’t bare to know the answer
i ponder my worth, comparing our genders
i ******* hate rhyming, because it sounds too simple
when i’m trying to express the dark thoughts of my mental

the black ink smeared by tear drops on my paper reminds me of the sky the day your parents told me i was the reason they cried in the shower at night

you’ve caught my eye
and have my ear
i’m willing to listen
whenever you’re near
i hope we have a chance
for our lips to meet
you make my cheeks red
and heart skip a beat

i failed my exam
and cried all day

i don’t know who



     i called out her name

she took my hand
said we both felt the same

i love you with all i am

i learn ways to enjoy life without you
i’ve stopped putting creamer in my coffee
the dark brew reminds me of your eyes
i run every morning
my shortness of breath
reminds me of your name
i spend more time reading
our love had me at a loss for words
you taught me to appreciate life more
because some things cannot stay
i’m starting to pick up new habits, but you’re still stuck in my old ways

i don’t know how to write anymore
no words
come to my head other than i miss you
it’s all been said before
poems have been written
songs have been played
no wishes can be granted for this broken heart to go away
all i ask is for this baggage to be lifted off my shoulders
no one taught me how to let go
i cling to our memories like my life depends on it
i don’t know how to be me without you because i thought it would always be us in the end
but you left me crying in my room that one october stripped of my self worth
now every time i think
i’m getting better
i look in the mirror and see those blue eyes you said you loved and can’t help but think that’s the last thing you saw before you decided to leave me

every time i see you i have to start over
stop
reset
then press play
people say you’re a glitch in my system
corrupted my mind and wasted my time so i try and go back to the way things were before me and you
but i don’t know any other way
i’m sad
and want you back
so instead i press replay

a candid smile
what was going through my head?
hadn't drank in a while,
my face hot and red
that in-between state of normal
with a little bit of regret
didn't act very formal
kept thinking things i will never forget

when will i figure out that me and you can never be together.
i’m a scorpio and you’re an aries anyway.
our love was something you could never measure.
but i’ll still play our song and pretend to dance and steal your heart away.

it’s a different kind of sad
not a sad i miss you
not a sad where i can’t let you go
it’s a different kind of sad
a sad like what if everyone i meet gets bored of me
a sad that makes you wonder if you’re too hard to love
a sad where you gave too much and you wonder if you’ll ever get that back
a sad where no one understands
a sad that leaves you asking why
a sad where you never feel yourself in your own home
a sad where you don’t have a home
a sad that you keep getting lost in
and wonder through alone

i would always tell you that you taught me so much
and that was the truth
except i think you thought it meant something different
you taught me to love myself, because i could never expect that from you
you taught me i was the only person there for myself, because you never were
you taught me how to be patient
because you always had a short temper
you taught me how to be happy because you never gave that to me
you taught me to treat others with only love
because i knew how much it hurt that you didn’t love me

she made everything i felt held something special just seem as a second hand emotion, passed down and lost its meaning
i wanted to find beauty in everything, even the broken, while she just wanted a spring cleaning
so i opened the windows, breathed in the new seasonal air and made her leave

her eyes were never the color of my coffee that started my day
they were never the shade of honey when the light found them
never that rushing color of falling leaves in the middle of autumn that made you hope for something special
they were never all the things i found in them, comparing each fleck of color to something beautiful
after all, they were just brown

i remember my last heartbreak
it’s hard to forget
it made my body ache
though it was all in my head
now here i am again
my heart feeling the same
i can feel myself caving in
trying to stay sane
i question if it gets easier
not feeling this way
it hits me like a meteor
will it ever go away?

reckless behavior
that’s what it is
there’s no way to save her
there’s no way to win
she does what she wants
no care in the world
she’s never loved once
she takes, like a *****
she’ll drop you so fast
no need to commit
don’t ever look back
she’s just a ******* hypocrite

you were not the first girl i’ve ever loved, or the last one
that thought brings back color to my eyes
let’s keep it this way my love
you staying there
and me over here
not talking, not looking, so maybe this time i can forget the way your laughs sounds, the way your lips curl in when you’re trying to focus, the way you hurt me
it’s in the past now
it’s time to forget

i close my eyes and drift off to sleep
hoping this is the one place
i have to myself
where i feel safe and
free to love just so.
i can still dream of you so vividly...

we’re at that one place
there you are
me, barely peeking over the top of your head, i can smell the honey shampoo you use as the wind blows
wisps of hair you try and
keep out of your face but
never manage to
the sun shines down to make your eyes appear with all the shades of brown i never knew before you
your freckles, scattered across your face
like the artist who created
you placed each one
with the most precise
stroke of their brush..

each dream i never fail
to see you so vividly
time and time again
a different setting
a different twist
a different story may occur but it’s always the same you
something i can never escape
the ending never changes
i’m left with the same feeling of
never being loved by you

my insecurities pile up
making up most of my thoughts throughout the day
it’s hard to draw the line between real and fake
always wanting to run from what’s real
and make my own fantasy
except the only place i know anymore
is your arms