Jan 11 natalee
Tom Leveille
i always thought
you were thru traffic
that you were just jet lag
background noise
the kiss in the rain
i've never had
but what if you aren't?
what if this
was the thousandth time
i have loved you?
what if this is just a fresh coat of paint?
what if ***
keeps a handkerchief
soaked in the day we met
next to his bed?
maybe theres a reason
i reach for no one in bed
the way i would
if someone used to be there
you know, they say
the road behind us
is littered with things
we couldn't hold onto
i wonder how many times
you've slipped through my hands
like hour glass sand
do you know
how much erosion you've caused?
i heard cupid
stopped keeping count
of how many times
we came together
just to come apart again
maybe it was just a rumor
it makes me think
about how many times
i've almost had you
like if all this talk
about history repeating itself
endlessly replaying is true
i wonder how many times
things have happened already
like the time
i tried talking you
into loving me back
back fired
or the time i could have sworn
jesus & lazarus were playing chess
with my heartbeat
but it was only you smiling
how many times
have i tried to tell you
how many times
have you read this poem
how many times
have i tried not to meet you
in my dreams anymore
it's like sleep tries to warn
me of what's happening
before it does but
i keep having this dream
where i tell you bedtime stories
and each one
is a different way you die
and in every one
i can never save you
it's like you're this song
i have on repeat
and every time it starts over
i forget the words
it's like you picked up the book entitled "us"
and the back cover
said you'd leave
so you never bothered reading it
tell me you aren't
going back in that bookstore
just to do it again
or will you tell me tomorrow?
or is this the time
you don't say anything at all?
if this has all happened before
if we call it quits
before we begin
again
from the beginning
i just want to ask you
to be my fire
because i am tired
of these old lives
and i'd like to see them
burn
natalee Dec 2018
every time i see you i have to start over
stop
reset
then press play
people say you’re a glitch in my system
corrupted my mind and wasted my time so i try and go back to the way things were before me and you
but i don’t know any other way
i’m sad
and want you back
so instead i press replay
natalee Dec 2018
“why do you want a straight girl?” you ask
i’m sorry, i didn’t realize that’s what you were
when you told me our love would last

when we kissed, it was like we created our own language
so how could you forget me
take my heart, then vanquish

we talked about our future
how we would be together
now you play our love off as a rumor
even though you said we were forever

so i’m confused
how you call yourself straight
i feel misused
so could you please elaborate?

we were once exclusive
our bond could never break
or am i just ******
and one of your mistakes
natalee Dec 2018
that little symbol
with the three curls
means the entire world to me
just like that girl

this tiny little rainbow
represents where i stand
it lets the world know
i love who i am

this permanent mark
is with me forever
it’s a part of my heart
and allows me to love whoever

Love is Love
that’s how i live
i think that’s enough
for me to give

no matter the gender,
sexuality,
or race
Love is for everyone
and can’t be erased

so follow your heart
no matter the direction
become who you are
and show some affection
natalee Nov 2018
why do i still have nights, crying to sleep
i can’t escape the thoughts of you and me
natalee Oct 2018
a candid smile
what was going through my head?
hadn't drank in a while,
my face hot and red
that in-between state of normal
with a little bit of regret
i didn't act very formal
kept thinking things i will never forget
  Sep 2018 natalee
Pyrrha
When you were mine
I always saw specks of blue
In rivers, oceans, and spread across the sky
On butterfly wings, blue jay's, and flooding feilds of blue bonnets
Yes, within my lovers eyes that blue was mine

When you walked away
You took that color with you
And once again my world was monochrome
I thought I had found my colorwheel
But now I've found the spectrum to be larger than that pitiless hue

One day I will find
Someone who will make my world explode
With a kaleidoscope of all these colors that I've never known
As if their very breath gives life to such sights
And in my view they will stay, for this I'll get on my knees and pray
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