my insecurities pile up
making up most of my thoughts throughout the day
it’s hard to draw the line between real and fake
always wanting to run from what’s real
and make my own fantasy
except the only place i know anymore
is your arms

the words
i love you
don't sit well on my tongue
are they mine to say anyway
why doesn't it feel
the same as loving her
you're better
much better
i think i was stuck on the
chase
chase
chase
i was never good at running anyway
so maybe the i love you's
are meant to stay
and be okay
i think i love you
anyway

i stand alone
within an open field
surrounded, no civilization in sight
the grass rises to my kneees, all in unison
moving with the wind, leaning in perfect synchronization
the sky is lightly covered
with a warm blend of orange and blue
the wind is steady, keeping my hair aloft
the scene is permanently stained into my
broken mind
i look around, the familiar
scene
the semi-sweet sent, the cool breeze
Your image pushed itself into my mind
broken mind
i know that even through the distance,
You
are in the same field
thinking the same, different, thing
my stomach flashes the familiar flash
the shot of grief
a puzzle completed, yet i cannot find
my last piece
my last piece is with
You
i miss you

i want it to mean something,
i feel a lot of pressure.
those were the words
that left your mouth
when all i wanted
was to show
you
how i felt about
you
with my lips,
no words

it bothers me how
it's as if someone kissed
you before
and it didn't mean something

how could someone come so close to a piece of heaven,
fall on their knees,
and not call it worship?

sometimes,
i write for myself
sometimes,
i write for people
all the time,
it's about
you

i'm sorry kid but you'll always have those simmering coals that remind you of her deep down in your heart

i'm sorry
i can't love you like they could
i'm sorry
that's not how God made me
i'm sorry
i break your heart
i'm sorry
you love me
i'm sorry
my feelings can't align with yours
like how i feel most myself
when i'm kissing
Her

fireworks,
that's how you explained it
when we kissed
such beautiful sparks
set us free

every year
july 4th
your family
celebrated our freedom
with fireworks too

you told me
they asked which color
you wanted to be the
finale
this time you chose
blue

you told me
it was like the
blue in my eyes
that you couldn't get enough of

now
there's no longer
us
just the
boom
of the
fireworks
and the breaking
of my
heart

i should've known
he had
blue eyes
too

as i search for some hope

my place in the school library

she speaks

“are you looking for anything in particular?”

i wish i could answer truthfully

two reasons

in reality she was my answer

but she doesn’t know

her brown eyes give me hope

"do you ever get lonely?"
yeah...
do you?
"yeah..."
...i'll always be here yanno
"yeah, but you're not a boy"



she told me that over a year ago
it still keeps me up at night

“it’s amazing what you can do”

she talks as if i have magical powers,

so why won’t she let me save her?

be my beauty and i can tame your beast

i have enough love for
the both of us

my heart aches for her

just as my teeth do every night

i click in my retainer

of course, i can’t
even keep my teeth
 straight

i think about her and

wish what we had was
special

then i take out my retainer

because i remember the gap

between her teeth

is something
special